In a cataclysm known as the Nightfall, the worlds were almost completely destroyed by a harrowing surge of darkness.
In the shadows of the ensuing chaos a new group has taken shape. Led by an Aegyl named Kalos, the 11th Hour touts an esoteric knowledge of how to combat the darkness and restore the worlds. They might be the worlds’ best chance at survival; but nobody really knows enough about them to confirm or deny their claims.
On the brink of collapse, the universe holds its breath in anticipation. Of restoration? Of destruction? It is up to individuals like yourself to decide.
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What was the inspiration for them / do they embody a particular feeling or emotion?
Really, I just wanted to have a dragon character back when I made him, and then soon after that I got the idea that to make him more badass, he should be turned into a heartless. So, I had him get into a fight with a member of the Dark XII, lose, and get turned into a Heartless.
Voila!
Instantly awesome Heartless Dragon. It's no more meaningful or deep than that.
Though the reason I'm bringing him back now is I've noticed there are no evil/darkness aligned player characters currently on the site, and pretty much nothing is known about the villains of the site's main plot right. Ciraph is my attempt, as a normal member, to help give someone for everyone's good characters to deal with until the main villains of the site are revealed. After that happens, I plan on him just kind of bein a wildcard type character, doing whatever gets him closer to his goal of eating Twilight Town's heart. My overall plan for him is to, at least eventually, become the sort of enemy that the other player characters eventually have to team up to defeat.
Name: Ciraph
Nickname: The Midnight Dragon
Age: 124
Gender: Male
Species: Dragon
Being Type: Heartless
Position: Chaotic Evil
Appearance: Ciraph is a larger dragon, standing at just over 6' tall to the shoulder when on all fours, and towering at over 10' when on his hind legs. This large size makes him very slow when on the ground. His tail is about 3' long from base to tip. It has four large spikes, usable for fighting, near the end.His wingspan is approximately 15' in width from wingtip to wingtip.
He has large spines running down the length of his back, starting at the base of his skull and ending at the tip of his tail. The scales and spines on his back are the black of the deepest, darkest midnight with a glossy, lustrous quality to them. The scales on his sides and underbelly are a dark, smoky gray, with the same shimmery quality to them. They act as a sort of armor for him, with the scales on his back and limbs being the strongest (comparable to stronger plate armor) and the scales on his underbelly and sides being the weakest (comparable in strength somewhere between chainmail and leather armor). His eyes are the same glowing yellow of other heartless, except they have a quality of intelligence to them.
History: Ciraph was born in the Kingdom of Strife to one of the few dragon tribes left in the world. The dragons had continued to remain neutral in the wars of the Kingdom ever since their numbers had been devastated by The Great Wars, nearly driving the race to extinction and forcing them to struggle for survival. As dragon-kind mature slowly, and therefore replenish their population slowly, the young were very closely and fiercely protected so as to preserve their race from extinction.
When he was about 50 years old, the Drydenian Rebels came to Ciraph's tribe, asking for their assistance against the army of the nation that gave their tribe sanctuary. The tribe leader refused their request for assistance, continuing the dragons' neutrality in any further conflicts on the small world. This made the Rebel's leader angry, and he secretly plotted an ambush of the tribe, setting up ballistae and other large siege weapons in a crossfire to catch those who fled. All but a handful were killed, most of them younger than Ciraph. As such, they looked to him for leadership through this difficult time.
Ciraph made an alliance with the Drydenian King, Vhokra, against the rebels in order to bring them to justice. It was just a few short years after, though, that the Heartless began appearing across the world. Ciraph and the remnants of his tribe fought alonside the Drydenian army against this new threat, playing more than just a significant part in keeping the forces of darkness at bay for so long. However, the dragons themselves eventually began falling to the Heartless. With their numbers dwindling and the Heartless' numbers growing quickly, the Drydenians and their dragon allies ended up under siege in their final stronghold, Fort Sentra. There, they managed to hold out for several months before the Heartless' numbers overwhelmed the defenders and took the Kingdom of Strife's keyhole.
Unlike most of his kinsmen, though, Ciraph did not perish with their world. Somehow, the white dragon managed to survive the destruction by passing through one of his portals of light and found himself on a world that seemed very similar to his own homeworld; a place called Traverse Town. While it wasn't exactly overrun with Heartless, they definitely had a heavy presence on this new world. Ciraph stayed there briefly, protecting small groups of its inhabitants while trying to use his light portals to jump to other worlds like he had before. It took him several months of attempts, but he eventually learned how to use them to travel to other worlds at will. He used this to begin searching other worlds for any other members of his tribe that may have survived the destruction of their homeworld.
His search was cut short, however, when he became entangled in a fight with a powerful human form Heartless by the name of Kuja back in Traverse Town. Ciraph fought well against Kuja, but in the end he was defeated and his heart was taken. However, instead of turning into a shadow or some other lesser Heartless, Ciraph's strong heart allowed him to keep his original form, with his appearance only slightly changed. After he was turned into a Heartless, Ciraph learned that Kuja was an underling for the Dark XII, the Heartless counterparts to Organization XIII. Due to how the darkness warped his personality, Ciraph joined them as well. He assisted in the invasion of Disney Castle and the destruction of Port Royal, proving himself to the Dark XII and earning himself a permanent spot amongst their followers.
When they disappeared, however, Ciraph decided to act on his own and began leading the lesser Heartless to take the hearts of several worlds. He began with The Land of Dragons, using his Heartless to distract the Chinese Army while he took the world's heart himself. He then moved on to the Pridelands. Using what he learned in The Land of Dragons, he managed to maneuver his Heartless to take the world's heart without having to do so himself. He then continued to other worlds: The Dwarf Woodlands, Wonderland, and the Pride Lands all fell to The Midnight Dragon.
The entire time, he was well aware of other worlds also disappearing at a significantly faster rate than he could have taken them. While he was curious about who, or what, was taking these worlds, he was unable to find out what happened. So, he continued his rampage across the worlds. His sights are now set on Twilight Town.
Current Primary Objective:
Find Twilight Town's Keyhole and consume its heart to attain more power
Investigate how the other worlds have been destroyed so quickly
Learning type: Auditory
Personality: Ciraph is very calm and collected under most circumstances. Unlike most Heartless who can easily lose control of themselves, the Midnight Dragon exercises constant control over himself and his emotions. His actions seemingly show him devoid of any kind of mercy or compassion. This is not to say that he feeds indiscriminately on the hearts of all he comes across. When he comes across someone who he deems to be useful in some way, he has a tendency to make a deal with them or attempt to manipulate them in some way. He is especially fond of intimidation, often using his Stop spell to gauge his target's will before using his sheer size and power to force others into doing what he wants. He also takes much enjoyment in taunting and tormenting those with weaker hearts and wills as well.
On rare occasions, though, he does lose control of his emotions. When this happens, he becomes a terrifying sight, a rampaging monster capable of burning and leveling half a town. When this happens, he behaves more like the common Heartless varieties typically encountered, attacking wildly and blindly in an attempt to consume the heart of whatever is nearby. The one thing that is a holdover from his pre-Heartless days is he still loves to fly. Even in his Heartless form, a peaceful flight through the clouds calms him remarkably quickly. He will do this whenever he gets news that is particularly upsetting to him in an effort to keep himself from acting too rashly and ruining his plans.
All-in-all, Ciraph is a rather terrifying presence to be around, and only those with a strong heart could hope to stand against him.
Home World: The Kingdom of Strife
The Kingdom of Strife is a land almost constantly at war. As such, it's denizens have become very hardy and adaptable in order to survive the harsh conditions of their world. Large contingents of soldiers of all sorts are common in major cities across the nations of the Kingdom of Strife, as well as smaller units in the towns and villages.
In the center of the single continent in this world is the Kingdom of Dryden. Due to its geographical location at the center of the world, and defensible positions due to the numerous mountain ranges that snake through its borders, it is a strategic location for anyone attempting to take control of the rest of the world. This has led to Dryden being the nation most often at war in the Kingdom of Strife.
The constant wars and battling led to much darkness taking hold in the world, and eventually the Heartless began to show up. Before any of the nations' leaders could think to put their petty differences behind them, the Heartless began to move across the world en masse, a masive horde of darkness rolling across the land and engulfing everything in its path. The Kingdom of Strife's inhabitants' last efforts to fight back against them became known as The Heartless Wars. They ended up being mostly futile gestures, though, as the Heartless were appearing in numbers too great for them to overcome through their hardened martial prowess.
The last bastion of defense for the Kingdom of Strife's inhabitants was Fort Sentra, in the heart of Dryden, where the world's keyhole rested. The fort's defenders held out valiantly for months before the Heartless finally overwhelmed them and took the heart of the world, destroying it.
Natural Affinities/Abilities/Skills:
Undying - As a Heartless, Ciraph cannot be "killed" except by a Keyblade. His physical body may be destroyed/damaged/etc. However, this will only require him to retreat back into the Darkness to recover, at the absolute worst.
Minor Heartless Control - As an exceptionally powerful Heartless, Ciraph is able to control many of the weaker, more minor Heartless varieties. This includes, but isn't limited to, Shadows, Soldiers, Flying soldiers, and Large Bodies.
Draconic Fire - Ciraph is able to breath blue fire, the hottest of all. A classic trait of dragons, this is not so much a power as a natural ability. Also, naturally, this means he is highly resistant to fire as well(can sit in/pass through normal, non-magical fire unharmed and is highly resistant to fire-based magic.)
Armored Scales - Ciraph's scales act as a sort of armor for him, with the scales on his back and limbs being the strongest physically(comparable to stronger plate armor, difficult to pierce except with weapons made specifically to pierce such armor. They provide minimal protection to magic). These are also the weakest magically, offering little to no protection against offensive spells.
The scales on his underbelly and sides are the weakest physically(comparable in strength from chainmail to leather armor), offering light to moderate protection against slashing weapons (swords, etc), but little to no protection against piercing or blunt force weapons (maces, spears, arrows, etc). The scales on his underbelly do offer greater protection against magic though: only the strongest of spells (or those specifically designed to penetrate such magical protection) are able to cause serious harm to him through these scales.
Concealment - Ciraph can use the Darkness to become invisible and conceal himself from view. This does not prevent him from being detected by any means other than eyesight. Due to how much noise he typically make while moving around, this is usually only useful when he is attempting to conceal himself from enemies at a distance. As such, its applications in combat are practically non existent, outside of assisting in fleeing.
Inter-World Travel - Ciraph is able to open up corridors of Darkness to travel from one world to the next. As a Heartless, this doesn't really affect him in any negative way. (Not used for now, as Twilight Town is the only available location in the RP. Mostly around as an explanation of how he's been getting around between worlds.)
Magic Spells -
Thunder - long range, single target spell that calls a bolt of electricity from the sky to strike an enemy.
Blizzard - when casting Blizzard, Ciraph becomes temporarily surrounded by swirling chunks of ice that damage nearby enemies. The effect lasts only briefly, and is best used to defend himself from enemies he cannot physically reach/hit otherwise.
Stop - freezes the target in place for just a few moments (1 - 2 posts).
Limitations/Drawbacks:
Vulnerable to the Light - As a Heartless, Ciraph is very vulnerable to the Light. This means that he is destroyed fully by Keyblades, and is harmed more by spells with an affinity with the Light.
Living Tank - Ciraph is rather large and heavy. Naturally, this lends him towards being much less nimble than smaller, lighter opponents while on the ground. He has some difficulty keeping up with and hitting faster opponents. This is not as much of a weakness in the air, where Ciraph is significantly more nimble than on the ground.
Flight Disruption - When in flight, Ciraph becomes significantly more nimble. However, this comes with its own drawbacks. In flight, Ciraph becomes susceptible to his flight being disrupted by manipulation of the air. While it is difficult (but still possible) to outright knock him out of the air, he is very easily slowed and can even have his flight path changed by someone manipulating the air around his wings.
Armor Weak Points - While Ciraph's scales are very effective armor for the most part, it does have weak points that can be exploited. Namely, his wings are totally unprotected, though the membranes that form them would need to be punctured multiple times before he becomes incapable of flight.
His underbelly, while mostly protected when on the ground, is more vulnerable to physical attacks. This means that in flight, he is very vulnerable to arrows.
His back and sides are protected from physical attacks very well by very hard, very tough scales. They will prevent most, if not all, damage from all but the most powerful weapons. However, this comes at the cost of leaving him very susceptible to magic in these areas: they offer some protection against magic, though it is very little. Against the weakest of spells, it could be considered mediocre protection. Against moderate to strong spells, he may as well be unprotected.
Passive:
Your character's heart brims with Shadow based magic.
Heartborn Omen
Weapons:
Tooth-And-Claw - Ciraph's main weapons are his teeth and his claws. Each of them are approximately 6" long, and razor sharp. Effectively, they all function like very sharp daggers, able to puncture through lighter armor with ease. They can also somewhat pierce heavier armor through use of Ciraph's size and weight, though nowhere near as effectively as against light armor.
Natural Mace - Ciraph also has spines on the tip of his tail that he is able to use. Due to his size and slow maneuvering, these are mainly used for defense against enemies coming up behind him. The spines are approximately 12" long, have a sharp point, and blunt sides. This makes them good at puncturing armor when contacting it head on, but they inflict little damage when the point doesn't connect properly against armored opponents.
Role Playing Sample: Ciraph's claws contacted snow as he stepped out of the corridor of darkness and onto a frozen mountaintop. He turned his head, taking in his surroundings as he realized he was on a world he was wholly unfamiliar with. The wind from his wings kicked up a flurry of snow as he took to the air to survey this new world he had come to.
As he gained more and more altitude, he could see what looked like a large, red palace in the middle of an equally large city in the distance, near the foot of the mountain. His maw split into a large, toothy grin as he decided this would be an ideal first conquest for him. It would provide him with plenty of hearts to take as he searched for his ultimate goal.
The keyhole.
Sinced the Dark XII had disappeared, Ciraph had decided he was going to travel the worlds, take their hearts, and make their power his own. If he succeeded, he would become much more powerful than he currently was. If the Dark XII were to reemerge after that, he would no longer be their subordinate. He planned to stand beside them as an equal, or perhaps, if he became strong enough, he could subjugate them and make them into his servants.
The thought brought a wide, toothy grin to the Midnight Dragon's face and he let out a low, rumbling laugh as he lazily glided down the mountain. He could see a small military camp a short ways down the mountain, where the snow and ice couldn't reach. He would start there, take the hearts of their soldiers and turn their Heartless to his own devices. Then, he would begin his search for the world's keyhole at the palace he had seen. If it wasn't there, he would rampage across this entire world until he found it.
One way or another, though, this world's power would be his.....
Questions/Comments/Suggestions? In case it ends up being an issue, I already spoke to Era about the whole taking the hearts of worlds stuff. She said it was fine.
Oct 26, 2016 14:50:24 GMT -4
Last Edit: Nov 12, 2016 21:12:21 GMT -4 by Sumdood
The cloaked Moogle bobbles through the air as he lazily sits down at his desk. It's obvious he's been stressing over something lately - the dark bags under his eyes seem to have grown heavier and darker (if that was even possible). In spite of that, he's eager to set down his cup of steaming tea, take his seat, creep the ridge of the cup to his lips in a sip that almost seems too long, and take a gander at your paperwork.
"Well, I see you're a returning member. That's always an encouragement to see, kuu. Still, let's not get too ahead of ourselves. There's always room for improvement."
The swishing of a red pen through the air marks Bayde's simple twirling of his primary weapon before red ink meets paper and the review begins.
"For starters, I have to recommend you try to put some deeper meaning into your character. If this were the initial version of the application, I'd be fine passing you through. However, you're a returning member, kuu. Having a character for rule of cool is all well and good, but it's when that character begins to stand for something that they truly take on an identity and an agency of your own - it's when the player can truly start to step into their shoes, kuu.
Now, moving onto some of the more...tedious...aspects of the review: grammar, syntax, and style."
The moogle spins the paper around, pointing out several underlined areas with the tip of his pen and accentuating each one with a small flourish of red ink as he does.
His tail is about 3' long, from base to tip, with four large spikes, usable for fighting, near the end.
"This sentence has a few errors that will make a good base for your revisions going forward. Notice the comma splices you've included in it - 'from base to tip,' and 'usable for fighting.' These can be better integrated into your sentence for a better-sounding result. In the following sentence, you should also notice the unnecessary comma. Remember, commas are used to separate clauses inside a single sentence."
He has large spines running down the length of his back, starting at the base of his skull to the tip of his tail.
"This sentence carries the idea that the spines on Ciraph's back extend past the tip of his tail. Unless he has them floating around behind him, you may want to make their stopping point a bit clearer, kuu."
The scales and spines on his back are the black of the deepest, darkest midnight with a glossy, lustrous quality to them. The scales on his sides and underbelly are a dark, smoky gray, with the same shimmery quality to them. His scales act as a sort of armor for him, with the scales on his back and limbs being the strongest (comparable to stronger plate armor) and the scales on his underbelly and sides being the weakest (comparable in strength from chainmail to leather armor).
"Here, you've redefined your subject four times without actually changing what it is. While there's nothing wrong with this grammatically, the syntax can be somewhat straining on the reader. I suggest you find a way to cut back on these and be a little more general once you've already defined what you're talking about. You could also stand to take the information in the parentheses and place it more easily into their associated sentences, though that isn't really a make or break issue, kuu."
As dragon-kind mature slowly, and therefore replenish their population slowly, the young were very closely and fiercely protected, so as to preserve their race from extinction.
"The final comma in this sentence is unnecessary, kuu."
So he continued his rampage across the worlds.
"Make sure to include a comma after prepositions that begin a sentence, kuu."
Ciraph is very calm and collected, under most circumstances. Unlike most Heartless, who can easily lose control of themselves, the Midnight Dragon exercises constant control over himself and his emotions.
"The first comma in both of these sentences is unnecessary."
Also, naturally, this means he is also high resistant to fire (can sit in/pass through normal, non-magical fire unharmed and is highly resistant to fire-based magic.)
"There's a lot of uses of the word 'also' in this sentence. You may want to look into that. Again, please try to take the information inside the parentheses and incorporate them more smoothly into the sentence proper.
Moving forward, let's focus on the some of the more forum-centric components of your profile. I'm noticing quite a few things I'm taking issue with, kuu. While this character may have been all fine and good back in World Destiny's hey days, the forum's environment has shifted dramatically. We're a much smaller forum now, and we have a smaller array of heavy hitters than you might imagine. I'm seriously concerned that you're injecting too much of a power spike too quickly. Your character might fit as a boss at some point, but by no means am I comfortable letting you play him on a regular basis.
To start with, your access to five separate magic spells when our typical limit is three without buying materia is somewhat jarring. This is especially true when you take into account your six different defensive options - Shell, Protect, Cure, Blizzard, Ciraph's scales, and ultimately his limited immortality. It is very clear that you do not want this character to suffer any losses unless he is greatly outnumbered, and that is not something that is conductive to a healthy forum environment at this small of a scale. Please cut back on the magic - which spells you choose to drop and which you choose to keep are up to you, kuu.
There's also the rather dubious nature of Ciraph's Dark Paralysis. It's not a power that I'm personally fond of - the kind that forces the change of a character's personality. I'm going to be very frank with this, so I apologize if it comes off harsh. This is not Dungeons and Dragons. This is not Pathfinder. This is not Forgotten Realms. This is not Legend of the Five Rings. This is not any tabletop role playing game. There are no saving throws, there are no stats, there are no certainties or gambles to be found in numbers or status effects. The emphasis is on personal freedoms of each character, and abilities that warp or control aspects of a character's personality will always fall under heavy scrutiny. At the very least, the portion of this power that affects the personality of the character - the aspect that "shatters their will" - will need to be removed.
Another concern of mine is your Inter-World Travel. We've cut this off from the players at present because we do not think the plot is ready to expand past the ruins of Twilight Town. If you do want this character passed, you'll need to cut this skill off from him, kuu.
If I'm being honest, I'm somewhat appreciative of what you're trying to do here. You want a strong villain present that's not tied to the staff. Still, there really isn't a place for Ciraph if he's to stay as he is given the current state of the forum. He's too big of a threat coming far too soon with not nearly enough people ready to fight the battle he represents. At best, you'll prematurely spike a character's growth and make the experience somewhat hollow. At worst, no one will want to play in threads that you start up for fear of what your character represents. You can choose to delay his imputation, preserve who he is, and play him as you want him played, or you can stunt him in ways more appropriate for the game as it is. The choice is up to you."
The moogle caps his pen, giving it another quick spin before stashing it behind his ear. His tired eyes glance over at his cooling cup of tea, the longing apparent in them. He reaches for his cup once more, partaking in another too-long sip. He places the cup back down on the table, and it's not much longer before he nods off in his chair.
All edits are in Bold and Underlined so they can be found easily. I changed the things mentioned in the review. Also put in some clarifications (specifically in regards to his scales) Era mentioned might be helpful.
The black-cloaked Moogle nudges up against the door as he floats back into the room. His mug of tea had been running low, and there was absolutely no way that he could keep doing this job without it. Then again, if he ever managed to get some rest he may not need the tea in the first place. Another matter for another time...
"Okay," Bayde drawls, taking the smallest of sips from his beverage before placing the steaming cup at home on its coaster. Deftly, his hand glides over the red pen that's stood by him in solidarity through countless reviews until now. A quick spin of the instrument, and his eyes sharpen before pouring over the forms in front of him.
"Moving forward, I think the greatest thing Ciraph could benefit from is a core theme - two or three words or phrases that sum up who he is and what he stands for. It's not a necessary correction to make; just something to keep in mind, kuu.
It looks like you've got some BBcode issues in your appearance section as well as a stray blockquote closer at the end of your profile. Nothing that doesn't happen to the best of us, but please be sure to clean it up.
I'm also noticing that you haven't quite grasped the purpose of commas in these sentences:"
His tail is about 3' long, from base to tip.
It has four large spikes, usable for fighting, near the end.
His wingspan is approximately 15' in width, from wingtip to wingtip.
"Y'see, none of these are really necessary. Each of these sentences only have one clause, so there's nothing to separate with them. In that second example, you have something called a comma splice. While they can be used stylistically in the same way that someone may use hyphens to represent the breaking away from one clause and returning to another, it's not necessary here. The reading just seems a little stilted.
I see you've opted to replace Dark Paralysis with Stop. This is an agreeable change, but your Personality section still mentions the ability. If you mean to unlock it later down the road in some augmented state, this is all well and good. You'll just have to make a note of how it's currently locked away somewhere in his History section, kuu.
You've done a great job toning down his abilities. Just a few small tweaks here and there for presentation's sake and you should be all good to go, kuu"
Fixed all those comma issues, exceptfor the second one. I understand that to you it seems like it's stilted, but it's part of my writing style. As such, i would prefer to leave it as is. If you still have an issue with it, perhaps we can discuss it and come to some sort of an agreement.
Also, just removed all mention of Dark Paralysis, as stop is meant to replace it fully.
And the whole "core theme" for ciraph is really already IN the inspiration. That's why i added the bit about bringing him back to be an enemy on the site. He's meant to be a big, intimidating bad guy for player characters to fight against, and then transition into a wildcard later on when the main bad guys are revealed. Adding anything else just seems....frivolous and pointless to me. However, as with the whole thing eith the comma splice, i'd be willing to discuss is further with you if needed.
((To be honest, the only reason I'm harping on about the character theme is that I think "big villain" is a little too vague/simple to really draw a meaningful character arc out of Ciraph. Like I've said, it's not a necessary addition. If you want good development out of him, a good place to start is a central character theme that holds weight in their persona. Just something to think about.))