In a cataclysm known as the Nightfall, the worlds were almost completely destroyed by a harrowing surge of darkness.
In the shadows of the ensuing chaos a new group has taken shape. Led by an Aegyl named Kalos, the 11th Hour touts an esoteric knowledge of how to combat the darkness and restore the worlds. They might be the worlds’ best chance at survival; but nobody really knows enough about them to confirm or deny their claims.
On the brink of collapse, the universe holds its breath in anticipation. Of restoration? Of destruction? It is up to individuals like yourself to decide.
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Powers: Ice Grip A post of charging this ability is required before using this, it also has a one post cool down. Like the name says, this ability allows Matt to cover is hands in ice. This ice can spread like veins, it can slow down the movements of an enemy if it spreads across joins. Matt cannot move his fingers, so whatever shape his hand was in is stuck like that for the duration time of two posts. The ice comes from his own body force, something having to do with his heart.
The use of this power has a few applications other than freezing enemies. Since this has contact range it can be used to sharpen weapons with a thin ice cover, what was a ordinary stick is now a frozen sword. The sword is fragile, and will break if it hits objects harder than glass. this can be used to create projectiles like shuriken or rocks; basicly sharpen objects and make small projectiles.
Another use for this ability comes from the freezing part, Mat is able to cool down or even freeze hot water. This ability is somewhat useful but can work for freezing foods and other non-combat purposes.
The final use for this ability is defensive, The ice can spread onto his own body to use as glass like armor. His movement is limited if he has the ice spread down his body, but he can control where it flows.
Since it is ice running down his body, it does melt, and turns to ordinary water. It comes from the water particles in the air, and is limited to the atmosphere. If it is hot and non humid, this ability cannot be used, however it is stronger if it is raining or cold outside. t is truly the strongest in winter climates, it gets an additional duration post and it has no charge.
Weapon:
Patience of Snow A katana 34 inches long. (just shy of three feet) it is curved along the blade like normal katanas but it has small snow flake designs along the metal edge. the hilt and guard are white with a long, blue striped handle. Like most katanas it can chop into four feet of solid wood or two sets of human skeletons. In other words it is a "Two Man" blade.
Picture:
No...
Appearance: The first thing you see in Matt is his height, Matt stands 6'3", the tall person in the distance. He has very pale skin; he isn't the kind of person to tan. The pale white skin is cold to touch and is pretty bruise prone. His hair is mean to him; the jet black color isn't the problem, it is the random bedhead he has when he wakes up. Matt keeps it a little short but just enough so that his bangs reach his eyebrow. His eyes have an ice blue in them and orange/brown color painted with the light blue.
He wears a black hooded sweat shirt with dark blue jeans. His shoes are non other than the much loved, black and white converse. His build is pretty feeble. He doesn't' have much muscle to back up his ice ability but he works on it hopping to one day have what every guy wants; a great and awesome body with large muscles.
Personality:
History first, personality second ^^
Original World: Snowsa Blowin Current World: Traverse Town.
History: Ima rewrite this -scratches out 2500 words-
Jan 16, 2011 23:08:19 GMT -4
Last Edit: Jan 17, 2011 23:29:20 GMT -4 by memoryofy
Post by Ellie who has 0% on Jan 17, 2011 19:39:52 GMT -4
Powers;; To clarify, he can sharpen objects and make small projectiles.
Appearance;; Alright you hit over the word count bench mark, but truly stop walking in circles. You spent 2 sentences about...how he love his size 14 converse shoes. >> <<;; In an essay, this would be deemed unneccesary >> repetitve which equals annoying. Just a helpful hint from Ellie when you have papers to write. Also refrain from making long sentences if you can't do it grammatically correct.
Example: His hair is mean to him, the jet black color isn't the problem, it is the random bedhead he has when he wakes up.
Commas are not the correct punctations to join complete thoughts, but incomplete thoughs. Semicolons are a different thing. For more info on semicolons visit. Owl purdue.
His hair is mean to him; the jet black color isn't the problem, but the random bedhead he has when he wakes up.
Grammar Problems: 3 run-ons
Personality;; Grammar Problems: 5 run-ons -- Need some Capitalization
It seems...you haven't formulated a personality with Matt. It seems as if the test of a vague response of his personality reflects your struggle to actually come up with a personality.
Once someone gets to know Matt, they see the real part of him, the part of his personality he tries to find in tests but can never get a meaningful answer for.
What is that personality? Everything else you type is what Matt sees in himself not the hidden aspects. I get more of his likes and skills in his personality chart, then personality. In short, Matt is a seclusive socially awkward individual, who mostly have comfort during when he's expressive, which is in his art.
Elaborate on the aspects he's blind too.
History;;
There's a hunk of grammatical wargness in this section as well and its the same as you have displayed above.
The history was a long read, but there are still some holes in it. The knowledge of worlds, introduction of heartless, Matt's own element, and the goverment's suppression was just rushed and plopped in without care and elaborative detail unlike ....the romance between Matt and Perlia aka Aprile and Matt's conflict with his father.
Out of nowhere bam, a book worm found a book about magic, and also found out Matt's element...within a hasted moment of an heartless attack...and there was an escape...with a white portal like vortex. You put more into elements that you didn't have it influence or pertain to the character such as: his love for Perlia and the ongoing rugged dynamic with his father. Personally I wouldn't have expect this history to breath his personality; after all we are bi-products of our experiences and enviroment. Yet although you didn't make those elements important to his character development, those that are important was tended to in this history.
Things to do: If this love strife is so important, then have it leave a scar on Matt in her personality that resulted from this.
If the problems with his father affected Matt so much, display it in his personality. His father wasn't a nurture, but a dominant male that would push against him; this would naturally effect and mold Matt. From his personality...you woundn't think he was suffering such dilemna showing a break between history and personality.
Implement those influential factors of the goverment throughout the story to be realistic versus randomly throwing it in there for a weak support. Elaborate how darkness came to form with the on-coming heartless and the thought of distant worlds.
Perlia, a book worm, seems to know...too much about it, which seems unreliable to put so much responsibility of information on her...making it seem unbelievable.
You put more into elements that you didn't have it influence or pertain to the character such as: his love for Perlia and the ongoing rugged dynamic with his father. Personally I wouldn't have expect this history to breath his personality; after all we are bi-products of our experiences and enviroment. Yet although you didn't make those elements important to his character development, those that are important was tended to in this history.
Did you state that I put too less about the love and the father thing or too much? Also did you want the history to explain why he is the way he is even more? What did you mean.. "Yet although you didn't make those elements important to his character developement, those that are important were/was attended to in this history." Am I missing something that I forgot to write or are the plots holes killing me?
I just want to get a straiter answer so I can fix and repair broken plot areas.
Post by Ellie who has 0% on Jan 17, 2011 23:02:26 GMT -4
I listed what you needed to work on...read the rest of my post.
What's wrong with this plot usage of character development...is that it's weak. You strapped "the discovery and acknowledge of heartless and darkness of people's hearts = chaos", "the supression of knowledge by a government", and "Matt's magick" on the back of...a young girl...to magically know all of this stuff...because she hangs in the library.
All of these components (IMPORTANT ELEMENTS to why the character is the way he is and IMPORTANT ELEMENTS of the world's life and common universal heartless problem) were pretty much non-existent throughout your history, because you were too busy elaborating a love story and parental issues, which are also IMPORTANT ELEMENTS that you didn't displayed how it affect your character in his Personality Section.
By reading the Personality Section...then the History...I don't see the same character, and with the History, it isn't stable for your character to be believable.
