Kokoran

[kokoram714]

Whoops...... Will get onto that. And this time, I think I got a better idea than the cornerstone

[kokoram714]

There we go: Fixed that. Anything else Sumdood?

[Ellie who has 0%]

Magick

:: You stated that if Kokoran goes over 12 spells; his stamina ebbs away slowly if he continues. Your character shouldn’t be able to cast spells after his 12 limitation. What you should detail is how long it will take for him to regain mystic stamina before being able to recast.

: Also what is this ‘ball’ of energy kind of like magic? You need to detail that and put it with the list of your Magick skills

Such as:

Fire – detail
Blizzard – detail
Thunder- detail
Cure – detail
”Ball of energy” – detail

//Kokoran can only cast 12 spells in succession, but afterwards needs a (# of posts) post to refuel his mana to be able to casts spells again//

Weapon:

Libra//

You should organize your information.
1.) Detail Libra physical traits
2.) Detail its function
a. holds spells
b. acts as a chronicle of Kokoran’s adventure
c. ‘holds enemies energy’ – I don’t understand this, because I don’t see how this affects the libra whether its for good or for bad. There isn’t a stable outline how it works and if there repercussion, because how are you to keep track how much energy it have to even work…but it’s a spell book anyway it wouldn’t need energy. So I would omit it. It isn’t beneficial or makes sense .

3.) List its spells

What I find awkward is that this book houses buffs aka physical enhancements. It truly doesn’t make sense to HOLD a BOOK to gift you to do something PHYSICALLY. You know. How is he to punch or pull of this physical involved task…while holding a book. It seems

So here’s my suggestion. You can either:


a.) Omit Libra altogether as a spellbook and exchange some of his enhancement spells for actual spells and add it to his magick list.

For example:
* kick, punch – can be exchanged for the spell [Bravery] – an FF spell that momentarily increase your strength . Give a small post count of how long it last

*choose between evade and jump as an innate skill for him.

*guard – exchange for Reflect (A KH spell that raises a dome of light for protection and combust when impacted with the same strength that was tossed on it). Give a small post count of how long it last.

*run – exchange for Haste – momentarily increase of speed. Give a small post count of how long it last.

*pull- can stay the same unless you want to change it to Magnet

* push can stay the same.

If you go with option B, then you all will need to be 1st spells. He still needs room to grow. Also that will make 10 spells total, which is a lot. This may cause for a decrease of how many spells he can cast in succession perhaps down to 6 or 7.

b.) switch the spells in your libra with those of his magick. It makes more sense for him to cast ‘magick’ from a book…than enhancements. Also you can use the spell examples above to have his attacks more relatable to spells in the KH and FF universe

Original World// It would be Radiant Garden not Hallow Bastion.

History:
- Kokoran is 7 when Radiant Garden fell, which happened a year after the events of BBS where Unversed were around, while Kairi was 5.

- Kokoran would be 16 when Destiny Island fell; Kairi was 14. How to find this out BBS takes place 10 yrs before KH 1, Radiant Garden fell a yr later after BBS making up 9 yrs.

- Disney Castle would not have been under attack by heartless; it’s protected by the Cornerstone of light.

- Kokoran would still be 16 during Chain of Memories, when Sora was asleep. Also is he still in Disney Castle…causing mayhem? I would say be realistic. I’m sure who would’ve been reported by Queen Minnie. Also there would be no reason for him to be tainted with darkness because darkness was in Disney Castle.
//Overall you have severe historical problems. You’re character is much older than you thought. If he was 16 in KH1, he’s 17 in KH2, and possibly 18 here. You haven’t given his timeline during Kingdom Hearts 2. You’ve shorthanded his story, so it’s incomplete content wise. Also some contents would even occur, so you will need to restructure it.

I know this problem probably occurred by trying to NOT have him parallel to Sora, since you had him in Castle Oblivion and what not previously. Now you must really think about your character. Remember history make a character who he is. I don’t see how a child who lost his parents, raised in Destiny Island, stuck in Disney Castle can be so dark and angst by darkness, but be this Bowl of NICE …which you put in your personality. In short this Kokoran in your history isn’t the same Kokoran in your personality.

7 days to edit when you return.

[kokoram714]

.....Oh......

Lol! Well, to explain this, I've only completed the first Kingdom hearts, and am only about halfway through the other games so that explains that. But thanks for the help and time! I will get on this. You know, now that I think about it, I might need to ditch Kokoran's whole history, and try again. And I will work on Libra. THANKS JOO SO MUCHES!

[kokoram714]

All right Ellie! ;D

All fixed up.

What do you think?

[Ellie who has 0%]

Alright as for history. How your character can jump from worlds to world...is unclear to me. How his parents were aware of Destiny Island? How he knows of Disney Castle? It's just a bunch of unneccessary hoping without explanation and no purpose.What do they truly get out of being in Destiny Island...or Disney Castle? Obviously...nothing.

I know Merlin gave you permission, but I think he should be aware in how his character is protrayed. Also Merlin have his own history such as: he was involved with Radiant Garden during KH2...where he was supposively training...Kokoran. If you want to use a canon...don't just toss him around to fit your criteria, because Kokoran must fit his as well.

I would advise you to give reasoning and explanation for every action. Also you have Merlin giving the book Libra, something he doesn't have...also I'm sure Xepte is unaware how Merlin is being used in your history, so you should check with him thoroughly. Also look up info about KH2 in KH wikia. I know you haven't played the game, but you should away take canons into consideration, especially if you're going to use them.

An easy fix is to give Kokoran is own...homeworld where he lived, learned, grew, and trained....and later on is seaking a new teacher, where Merlin comes in.

5 days to patch up.

[kokoram714]

Alright Ellie!

Mefinks I fixed those problems, and I just sent Xepte a PM to please check the history to make sure the interaction sounds right. As you will be able to tell, I once again changed the history to something more plausible (and to something where I probably wont have to spoil any surprises waiting for me in the games.)

Thanks for the help Ellie! ;D

I have updated the Profile

[Ellie who has 0%]

Alright that was hard to read through....and I think you have something heavily confused. Merlin is not from Disney Castle. He is originally as far as the KH timeline Radiant Garden, which is Hollow Bastion now. He moved with Leon, Yuffie, and Aerith to Traverse Town during KH1. This is WHY you need to be well-versed with Kingdom Hearts series especially if you're going to use a canon.

Since it's truly wearing down on me, I will instruct you this.

1.) Do NOT have Kokoran roaming with Merlin in his history as if they've been together for all of these years. You are not familiar with the KH1 or KH2 timeline, so don't even cross those lines unless you're willingly to spoil everything for yourself by reading up on kh wikia

2.) Do NOT have Kokoran go off to Destiny Island. Why? You'll be treading into KH1 timeline, which seems you're not comfortable with. Have Kokoran STAY at his homeworld for the entire period of KH1 - KH2 for you won't be screwing up the timeline.

3.) Broadon Kokoran's life in Media...since he will be there the majority of his life. The perk of an OC world is that it's your own. You're not TOO bound by the CANON timeline, so that lessons your percentage of having a screwy timeline.

4.) Now explain Kokoran's transition from his homeworld to Radiant Garden, where Merlin is at. His world could be destroyed, which is the most plausible answer than "oooo crystal ball what can I find...oooo Radiant Garden ooo a skilled wizard"


5.) Leave Kokoran's history open for he can MEET MERLIN IC during your RPS.


This is the EASIEST solution, because this is becoming a bundle of hot mess. Naturally if you knew the games, this wouldn't be hard to fix up whatsoever. It's best to stick with as much Original Content as possible when you're not familiar to Canons Content.

Follow that formula and NOTHING ELSE.
5 days

[kokoram714]

All right Ellie. I fixed up what you suggested, and I'm 99% sure I followed the equation, and still got a good history going. If you think whoever's reading this will have their brain overload due to ong paragraphs, let me know and I'll break em up. Also; anything else need fixed?

Thanks Ellie! ;D

[Ellie who has 0%]

Cameo have to be mana orientated…magick isn’t imagination that’s illusions.

Pentacles- either you give them details of what they can do or remove it. Also omit Merlin as well as Merlin as an idol in your history. Knowing Merlin also promotes learning multiple worlds which seems like he have no idea of. Also I doubt his pentacle can be so ‘advanced’. Keep into consideration he only knows basic magick skill level.

Libra: Give a post range of how long it can stay in its armory form. It is unnecessary for a mystic character to have high strength or at least a buffer without repercussion. Also give a post range of how long Kokoran must wait before Libra can shift again.

History::
Odd quirks:
- You have your character seem more ‘advanced’ in his skills then he really is. He only have a basic skill…to have teachers stalk him for his ‘skills’, or make a furnace to change stuff into gold, or even bring a comment of a teach to have the mastery of all elements. The highest spell level is the –ga. Kokoran will have to learn the –ra level before the –ga. You have him learning ‘advanced’ things of pentacles, when his magick is at a beginner’s level. Seriouly a plain Cure Magick…won’t be difficult for a mature wizard to conduct. It’s a basic magick skill level. Also you have him exposed to more magick than you have charted as his skills.

- Merlin. Although Merlin have traveled worlds, I wouldn’t go overboard in having him acknowledged in Kokoran’s world also goes along with learning of other worlds. Just omit it. Do not try to cook up some elaborate ideas just to say such things his what made your history…unbelievable.

- Kokoran isn’t even skilled enough to hold off a Darkside Heartless or to be the most skilled wizard of his world. Also a Darkside probably can’t even stayed locked in a shield made of simple basic skills.

- Librarian – Do EVERYONE knows the existence of the Heart of the World? Is it that much of a common knowledge for a mere librarian to know?

- Dialouge. Dialouge is important because it is what your character and characters are saying. Dialouge should either be at the end or beginning of a paragraph, or have it’s own not floating in the middle of your writing.

Note: Have your character do what is IDEAL and REALISTIC! Do not extrude your character bigger than what he is. Not to bust his bubbles, but he isn't all that top notch, but a beginner, which isn't that spectacular spectacular. There's a lot of things here that is very unrealistic...even a 4 yr old reading a 200 page book. There's no kiddy book that big. Also as an RPG, you have plenty of time to have your character grow, so he doesn't have to be an all star. Also if he was...he wouldn't need Merlin...or be at the basic level of Magick.

[Ellie who has 0%]

You have a week to patch everything up, and highlight what you edit by color coding.


[color=red][/color]


[kokoram714]

Hey, Sorry I' not finished yet. I am editing, I've just been more busy with usual.

I'm going to keep working on the profile whenever, so just hang tight!

Oh... , and by the way, sorry none of the characters are colored; I've tried and they aren't showing up on my computer.

Thanks Ellie!

I'll let you know when I'm finished!

Okay now I'm finished (This is about 30 minutes after the first half.) Thanks for your patience!

[Ellie who has 0%]

Also I did ask that you highlight your edits. I've been re-reading your history numerous times...it does wear out on a person to be forced to re-read it...timeless more times...ALL OVER AGAIN because one have no indication where edits stop and starts.

[kokoram714]

Uber sorry ellie

I've tried coloring them in my file, but it doesn't seem to work... or at least not yet.

I'm going to test out coloring the edits ASAP to double check I understand how to color them.

I know it's taxing to read through and I really do appreciate the time you put into this.

Kokoran

(I promise to work on this tommorow seeing as that I'm going to bed right about now.)

(The next day) Hey Ellie! All right this face is what borders whatever i've edited. And a quick note: I've replaced the word "Merlin" for just a world traveler, so I didn't bother too much with that

Thanks Ellie!

[Ellie who has 0%]

At the moment there's a chatter about the fate of your profile. I'm loosing energy with this, and I don't want to kick it away, because so much has been done and so much energy has been placed in this profile.


Lesson of the day: ...Plan out a solid and stable foundation for your character thoroughly. If it have a weak base, then it can never take flight. I'm sure that one of the main problems is the ever-unrelated changes the history been through literally jumping from one concept to the next. If you had a better history to begin with, I doubt you would've lost sight of some of your character's qualities (another mishap that had occured here).

So you can wait, or attempt in thinking of a character. You can ask other fellow members for help as well to guide you in the right direction as you mold the character.