Zex

[imaster]

Name: Zex


Nickname: None


Age: 16


Gender: Male


Species: Human


Position: Good


Powers: Basic magic: (Fire spell , Thunder spell, Blizzard spell, and Cure spell) and is able to cast magic from both his weapon and his hands.

Dark Shadow: Can use the power of darkness to turn flat like a shadow long enough to move about 10 feet.

Weapon: Sword


Picture: N/A


Appearance: A boy with a slim build,silver spiky hair that stands straight up, except at the ends,at which it curves downward slightly, light skin,and neon green eyes. He often wears a black, short-sleeved t-shirt with a large, white X on both sides. His pants are black with grey stripes around the pant legs. He also wears grey, fingerless gloves. He carries his sword around his waist most of the time. He wears a silver necklace with a silver heart on the end. His shoes are checkered in black and white. He sometimes wears a black cloak when traveling. Rarely, he will wear an outfit that is made up of a black hoodie, white pants, his grey fingerless gloves, his necklace, a black bandanna on his head, and black boots. On very hot, summer days, he would wear black shorts instead of his normal pants.


Personality: A very social, adventurous boy who loves to battle Heartless and Nobodies. When he has to, he will lie to make a friend feel better. He like to have parties in his house in the Second District of Traverse Town. He will visit Disney Castle in his Gummi Ship every now and again to see how everything in the castle is doing. He also enjoys flying around in his gummi ship and flying from world to world to pass time and when he is bored he will even land on each world he flys to.

Zex is never really sad or angry, but he also is never really happy. He is usually in a very neutral mood. He acts fairly nice to other people, but if he is angry he may be a bit mean. He never curses, but has foul language. (Ex: things like crap and such)

He has always wanted to be able to summon a Keyblade and use it in battle. He personally thinks of himself as quick and powerful. He often charges into battle with the Heartless, despite how strong they look. He also wonders how the Nobodies are, for he has seen some, but he has never battled any. Sometimes when he sees Heartless, instead of trying to kill them, he would study their attacks so he can battle them more easily.

He will also see if myths are true every now and again. He thinks it is very exciting when the myths are really true. His favorite myth that was true was the myth about a Guard Armor heartless in the Third District. After proving that myth was true he has started to go into the Third District from time to time just to battle Guard Armor again.


Original World: Traverse Town
Current World: Traverse Town


History: When Zex was only 10, he was playing around in the Second District when he was attacked by the Heartless, but luckily managed to escape. Once he was safe at home, he wondered what could have happened if he had not have gotten away from the Heartless. He then wanted to protect Traverse Town when he was older.

This was because when Zex was only 12, his family was attacked by Heartless and only Zex had gotten away. Poor Zex had to find an abandoned house and live there. Even though he lived alone when he was only 13,his life was a pretty decent one, except that he for the fact not having a family often put him in a bad mood at first,but he got used to it. He had a few friends, still went to school, and to earn the munny he needed, he often helped the moogles in the attic of the accessory shop.

Once he was 13, he began to train with his newly bought sword, so that he could fight the Heartless. He finished his self sword training in a month, then he went to be trained by pros. He had passed his training class in a little over 6 months for he was always good with Sword-like weapons. Then, to test his skills, he went to the Second District to battle some Heartless. After fighting off the first few waves of Heartless, he was getting tired. But Before he could run away he was surrounded by the Heartless. So, to escape, as soon as the Heartless came at him, he tried to slash through them all, but he only slashed through the Shadow Heartless that attacked. Then all the attacks left many cuts on Zex, as he fell to his knees,then his hands, then he passed out.

When Zex had woken up, he lay a house that was in the First District. He looked around, then got up and grabbed his sword which was leaning on the wall. Then he realized that he was knocked out in the Second District. He thought that maybe someone had saved him. He then walked outside and made his way toward his house in the Second District. Just like always, it was silent when he entered his house.

A week after Zex had turned 14, he decided to learn how to use magic so he could defend himself more easily. The first spell he learned was Fire, then he learned Cure shortly after that.

To get better at magic, he took magic training classes. He took about 9 months to pass, but he had only gotten better at the spells he knew and learned Blizzard and Thunder.

Early the next morning he decided to go to the Third District to see if the rumors about a Guard Armor heartless appearing there. When he got there the only Heartless that appeared were Soldier heartless.

After Zex defeated them Guard Armor appeared. Luckily, most of Zex's friends entered the Third District and helped him defeat the Guard Armor. Zex battled Guard Armor and came out hardly winning the battle and had many scratches and bruises so he cast Cure then went to his house to rest.

After getting back from the Accessory Shop, Zex heard aout a weapon called the Keyblade from his friends, and has wanted to be able to use it since.

One day when Zex was 15, he was hanging out in the First District when he saw an orb of darkness appear a few feet away. Zex decided to chase after it when it started floating away. He chased hit into the Third District, then into the Second District. Once he was close to the orb of darkness he jumped on it and it vanished.

When a Heartless appeared, Zex held out his hand to cast Fire, but he missed and as the Shadow was about to land on him he turned flat and avoided the attack. (He got the ability to use Dark Shadow)

Role Playing Sample: "Let's see what's on TV tonight," said Zex while he was sitting on his couch, scrolling through the TV guide. After looking through the whole guide,Zex said "Aw,nothing's on..........well nothing good."

Zex started thinking about what else he could do to keep from getting bored to death. "Maybe I can go practice my magic on some Heartless," said Zex.

After walking out of his house he had only taken a few steps before Shadows had spawn around him. When the Shadows charged, Zex quickly jumped over them then said, "Ready to get hit by a shocking spell, Heartless?". Zex then cast Thunder on all of the Shadows, destroying them.

A minute later the ground below Zex's feet shook. Zex then quickly turned around to see that a Large Body had just body slammed into the ground.

Zex quickly ran behind the Large Body then slashed its back with his sword. But before Zex could do enough damage to destroy it, it turned and rammed into Zex,knocking him a few feet away.

"Ow, I better not let my guard down next time," said Zex as he got up and picked up his sword. He then started running up to the Large Body and struck its head, defeating the heartless.

"That's enough training for now," said Zex as he began to walk towards the door to the First District. When Zex was a few feet away from the door, a Soldier heartless spawned in front of him. Zex cast Blizzard at the Soldier then unleashed a few slashes with his sword, finishing off the heartless.

Zex walked through the door into the First District. He walked into Cid's Accessory Shop to see if the moogles in the attic needed any help.

After all, making munny was what Zex often did when he had nothing to do. When he walked in Zex went up into the attic or the Accessory Shop and said "Hey moogles is there anything I can do to help?"

But he then noticed that all of the moogles were gone. "I guess I could just head home then," said Zex as he walked out of the shop.

After he was back at his house in the Second District, he sat on his couch and looked at the TV guide to see if anything was on now.

But after looking at a few pages he realized what time it was. Since it was 8:30 pm at night, Zex decided to just go to bed and call it a day.

The next morning, Zex got up out of bed and looked out his window. He saw that someone was laying on the ground outside! Zex quickly got dressed and ran outside to see if the person was okay.

Right when Zex reached the person, Shadows had spawn around them. Since Zex had left his sword inside he used Fire to fight off the Shadows. After they were all defeated, Zex looked at the person, but the person was gone and Zex saw a heart floating up into the sky.

Just then, more Heartless appeared. "You Heartless just don't know when to stop, don't you?!" said Zex.

He was getting very angry due to what the Heartless were doing. As the first wave of 10 Shadows charged at Zex, he cast Blizzard a few times to kill them.

When the second wave of 5 Soldiers charged Zex quickly cast Thunder to kill 4 of them, but the fifth one got to Zex and scrached him. Zex then jumped back and cast Fire to kill the Soldier.

Then the last Heartless, a Large Body, charged at Zex and pushed him into the wall of his house. Zex jumped onto the Large Body's head and used Fire, Blizzard, and Thunder to kill it. Zex used Cure to heal himself then went back inside.

[sumdood]

First things first, welcome to WD Zex. I'm Sumdood, and I'll be helping you with your profile.

First thing I must bring to your attention is your appearance and personality, which are both severely under the minimum word counts we have for both of those sections. Your history and role play sample are both fine in those regards, so you don't have to worry about anything with those for now.

The word count minimums are in the thread titled Original Character Sheet(link enclosed). Just take a look, and post back here when you're done to let me know you're through with the edits. 5 days to make the edits

[imaster]

Ok I made the edits you wanted.

[sumdood]

Sorry it's taken so long to respond. I've been busy with life. @_@

Anyway, first off, there's no need to PM me every time you finish with corrections. I was keeping up with it. Just post back here, and I'll catch it.

So, for your edits, there's a couple things I see that need doing. Firstly, y our paragraphs, except for those in your history, are entirely too long. Lol they're epic walls of text, and nobody likes having to wade through that. So, please, break them up into smaller paragraphs, please.

Also, as for your character's powers, I get what you mean about basic magic, but what about the ones you list there? Are those examples of basic magic, or are they actually the spells he knows? Try to make that a little more clear, please.

5 days to make edits.

[imaster]

Done making the edits

[sumdood]

all right, good. now that I can read it easier... xD

first things first, your mention of mickey in his personality implies that he knows mickey. We require you to have permission from the roleplayer to have your character know their canon character straight from the profile. I'm going to have to ask you to remove that.

also, as for his personality, all you really did was describe things he does. You haven't really described anything as to how he acts, how he thinks. examples would be saying he's optimistic(or pessimistic), always has a smile(or a frown) on his face, etc. please, go ahead and edit that, and post back here when you're done.

5 days to edit.

[imaster]

I just finished those edits

P.S. Want me to make you a KH Yu-Gi-Oh card?

[sumdood]

...okay, Zex, I've already told you once, and this is my final time. Your third strike, and you're out. Do not PM me about your edits being done unless you've been waiting for a substantial amount of time, such as over a week. 3 days is not long enough to warrant PMing a staff member to prompt them to check your profile. I'm here to help you. I'm not here to work on your profile at your whim 24/7. Please keep that in mind.

That out of the way, your character's history seems rather patched together. It's all random and out of order, in terms of the sequence of events. Please, put them in chronological order(ie, when he was 12 years old before he was 13 years old in the history).

That's all the edits I"m going to suggest for now, sinc eI haven't had much time to look over it. Post back when you'd made the edits.

5 days to edit

[imaster]

There i moved the paragraphs into the right places and is that all i need to do or are there even more edits?

[Ellie who has 0%]

Alright I shall pop in.

1.) You do know if your character spells upgrade you will need permission and approval. Also your history is unstable in how your character learned magick. He was never exposed to magick, but he was some kid who lived on his own after his parents died and decided Hey I'm going to learn magick...although I lack a teacher and means to do so buuut I'm gonna learn MAGICK! So you'll need to fix that

2.) Appearance- When you're describe your character, avoid comparing them to canons. We want to see your character for himself not another. So omit Riku and Sora tidbit and literally describe his hair.

3.) Peronality- You have some tidbits here that is unacceptable. You don't know King Mickey and your charrie don't have a gummiship. There's nothing in your history to support that and you cannot have a canon in your history without permission, and to be upfront, no you cannot have Mickey in your history. So Omit all the gummi shunnanigans. Also your character knows nothing of the keyblade. There's nothing in your history to support that.

Also at times you're repitive and redudant. When Zex is angry he's kinda mean....who isn't? Also you said "We" doesn't curses. I'm sure you meant He.

4.) History- You history is all over the place. You have your character, dead parents, being this lone child living in heartless infested Heartless. He self taught himself swordsmanship in a month...and now he's sooo good with swords. Seriously? Sure he can be use to the swing and what not, but he isn't disciplined in it.

- Omit Cid can't have canon interactions without permission

Also this Fire contest...what does this really do for your character...instead of boosting up word count. It's pretty much a useless bit of info. Also I doubt your character can nearly win a fight with Guard Armor; seriously Sora had help with Donald and Goofy, and pretty much both are at a ground level of knowledge.

Alsoooo you're character cannot have random dark corridor powers so omit it.

In short, when you're making a history...make it believable, and since that comes with creativity I'm not going to drill hard on your head on it, but I will ask questions that you can answer to help bring more deminisions to your character.

1.) Your character is all happy go lucky right? What is the EFFECT of the disppearance of his parents on Zex? Truly no child will be fine and dandy if you're cut ties from something you had your entire life. How does this seperation makes a "sociable party 13 yr old bachelor that goes fight the very thing for sport...that killed his parents"

How does he copes with living alone? Also what kind of community permits a kid to live alone in a house? YEEAH he goes to school...he have friends...but surely someone know this kid is living alone...which would be deemed unhealthy.


2.) What is this traveling bug your charrie have? He doesn't really express it...instead he's more of 'hey let me test my skills on these heartless...I hope I don't die in the process'...since he truly run into these...headon and ALOOONE.

>> RP sample
I haven't read it, because it's a hot mess. You had dialogue squeezed in narrative paragraphs like an Oreo Cookie.

I always advice to have dialogues either at the BEGINNING and/or END of a Narrative Paragraph, or let it have a Paragraph of its OWN.

For Example THIS:

"Let's see what's on TV tonight," said Zex while he was sitting on his couch, scrolling through the TV guide. After looking through the whole guide,Zex said "Aw,nothing's on..........well nothing good." Zex started thinking about what else he could do to keep from getting bored to death. "Maybe I can go practice my magic on some Heartless," said Zex.

SHOULD BE THIS

"Let's see what's on TV tonight," said Zex while he was sitting on his couch, scrolling through the TV guide. After looking through the whole guide Zex said, "Aw,nothing's on..........well nothing good."

Zex started thinking about what else he could do to keep from getting bored to death, "Maybe I can go practice my magic on some Heartless."

See how much neater that is...ooo makes me wanna read it.

yeah 5 days to edit. If you don't make the edits I request, rejection.

[imaster]

Uh I think most of the edits are done, but could I have one more day please?

[Ellie who has 0%]

Sorry been juggling stuff. Soo do you need more time?

[Ellie who has 0%]

Nearly a week and no replyyy (rejected)