Dagga

[soramaster]

Name: Dagga


Nickname: The Red Assasin


Age: 21


Gender: Male


Species: Elf


Position: Chaotic, Neutral


Powers/Abilities/Techniques/Skills: Normal elf powers (Run very fast, with high stamina, better hearing and eyesight than humans.) Great at magic, which means he can use ALMOST any type of magic, but he wears out himself very quickly. (a good reason to carry multiple ethers) He can also make weapons (provided the right material) and normally Doesn't sell them. Dagga also has the power to teleport, but he must teleport somewhere safe, because it puts him to sleep for at least an hour.
Dagga was born with the ability to teleport, although in earlier years he could not go very far. Dagga is great with a sword, but he can not find one that suits him, so he carries around a staff for now.

Weapon/Items: Dagga uses a weapon that is a staff with a kind of jagged edge on it, with a wicked looking Spike on the top. It has a wooden Main part, with some gold on it, Lots of golden designs sticking off of it, and the tip is red, and metal(steel) colored. (Found. Explanation in history)


Picture:


Appearance: Dagga is tall and skinny. He is from the original destination for elves (Elfland) That means he is district one. The elves that are tall and skinny. (District two North Pole, and District three is an experiment, somewhere in the south. Both districts consist of short elves, and the third has fat elves. The other districts don't call themselves districts.) He wears a red mask with tufts of hair sticking out. The red mask is sort of like a soft piece of cloth wrapped around his head many times. (Kinda like a belt) Dagga wears ripped clothing that is black. The rips in his clothing show that he has fought some dangerous battles, and the suit which was supposed to be long sleeved is ripped near the elbow on one sleeve and ripped by the shoulder on the other arm. This means that his skin is showing all the way down his arms. He is white. (Sorry if that sounds racist, but it's what he is) Dagga wears no shoes and has blue eyes. The little bit of hair that sticks out is blond, and no one knows what his face looks like because he NEVER takes his mask off. (Not even for hair cuts) Over his right eye he wears an eye patch. No one knows what his eye underneath looks like, but he assures people it's not pretty. Dagga has many scars and tattoos. He has an X on his neck. He also has many gashes that have turned to scars up and down his arms.


Personality: Dagga is a very nice elf (unless he wants to kill you) Dagga likes any weapons that look cool or strong. Dagga hates someone who looks stronger than him, and is afraid of people that ARE stronger than him. Dagga's strength is Magic, and swordsmanship, his weaknesses are defense and mental stability. One of Dagga's few secrets is that his face is fine, and that he doesn't really need an eye patch. He just thinks it looks cool. One of Dagga's talents is that in dangerous situations he can think fast and get himself out of the situation. An example of this is that if he were pinned to the ground with nothing to do, he'd send some kind of magic right in the other guy's face. Dagga finds anything that is shiny interesting and absolutely loves to polish his sword so that it looks shinier than a pearl. All that you really have to do to tick off Dagga is to mention his long-lost parents, or tell him about something he does wrong. He hates to hear negative things about himself. Dagga also finds it hard to control his anger. Dagga has also found that after you kill one person, it is easier to kill another, and it is a great way to take out his anger.




Original World: Elfland. Elfland is district one, but only the people of district one call themselves districts...unless someone else calls themselves district one. Elfland is a magical place full of surprises around every corner. No human can get inside unless they have permission from an elf. Elfland is home of all elves, unless they choose to leave or are banned. (Duh) All the houses are built in trees and the trees are USUALLY tall. If a tree is short it is usually uninhabited or is one of the many stores used to buy weapons, armor, potions, ether, etc. Other than that Elfland is VERY beautiful (Did I already mention that?) and hopefully will remain that way. The only thing bad about Elfland is that at times the borders fail and mortals from all over are attracted to Elfland. This is very dangerous, because there are usually more than ten people that come to kill. This happens at least two times a year. (This is how his family died.)

Current World:Traverse Town


History: Dagga never knew his parents very well. He was a happy little elf until he turned three and a Mortal/Human found Elfland. The borders had gone down an hour earlier. Someone was already spotted carrying a weapon. He was headed to the street that Dagga lived on. He started to lock the doors and all of a suuden, the man barged in, and killed his parents. As soon as Dagga saw his parents dead, he teleported away. Two days later Dagga teleported back in (Only elves can do this)

This mortal took away the lives of his parents and many other elves that lived near him. when he turned five he was extremely deppresed and was always locked away in his house. People tried many times to get him out, but he was stubborn, and never came out. When he turned seven he decided that he needed to find this Mortal and kill him, But he didn't know how to use any weapons. The next couple years of his life was used training in the areas of Swordsmanship, Magic, and Weapon Making. When Dagga turned ten, he started working to earn money for his trip to wherever he might find this Mortal. (He had to buy food) Dagga continued to work, becoming more and more impatient. After four years he turned Fourteen, and finally counted his money, so that he would know how much he was short. He only had half of the money! He would either have to find a better paying job, or work for four more years! No one wanted him. He was an outcast, he had no friends he was even considered a killer already. That's when he went back to his old job. He turned eighteen and found that he had more than enough, since the price had gone down. He went to town and bought a mask that would cover his whole face. The mask was red. Then he went to the market and bought provisions to last a week. The he teleported away. He slept to recharge and then got up. He had slept on the ground for two hours.

He stood up and saw that he was surrounded by houses. It was a nice town, but he knew that he wouldn't find the man here.

So once again he teleported, and when he woke up he was surrounded by darkness, but there was a light in the distance. He started towards the light. He tripped several times, and when he finally got there, he realized it was a camp. He walked in the tent, and saw weapons on the floor, and a bulge under a blanket. He ripped the blanket off and saw the man he was after. Dagga picked up a strange staff with a point and drove it through the man's head. He instantly felt a searing pain on his neck, and felt his neck. He felt an X right where the pain had been.

Dagga started feeling light-headed and quickly teleported away (Still clutching the odd weapon). He woke up, and recalled who he was. He was Dagga. He was twenty-one, and had set off in search of this mortal. He had already turned twenty-one, he killed the man, and as soon as it was done, his neck burned, and an X appeared on his neck. By now he was ugly. Scars up, and down his arms, and an X on his neck. His clothes were tattered, and most of all his mind was messed up. He had killed someone. The hardest thing in the world to do. That's who he was and what he did...or that's what he remembered doing. Then he realized that he didn't know what to do with his life then, so he decided that he was scarred internally, and externally, and he needed a friend. He didn't know what world he was in, but he needed to get out, because it seemed very dangerous. It was dark, and miserable. He teleported away and left to find his very own friend, something he had never had. He didn't realize it at the time, but this world was uninhabited. It was a world sucked into the darkness, and somehow he had found his way there in the last hours of it's existence. Then he found his way into Traverse Town, a very nice town, or so it seemed, the perfect place to find a friend. Maybe he could even find a job to help him take out his anger.....perhaps he could be an assasin. That would surely help with his anger and, he had already killed someone and he did not feel guilty at all. It was at least something to think about.


Role Playing Sample: (OOC: This is in Traverse town when he first arrives)

There was a man walking down the street. He was unwelcome. No one was willing to tell him that though. He was a man, or something that looked like a man. Perhaps an elf. He did not have a name that was known to the people of Traverse Town. The people knew nothing about him. He seemed to have no purpose behind the red mask that covered his face.....OR was there something hidden way down deep inside of him. Some purpose.

He had an X on his neck. That meant he WAS an elf , but he was an elf that had killed a mortal. Taken a life that was perhaps innocent. Why would an elf kill, though? Even worse, why would an elf come to Traverse Town? They all have a shrine. A place that no mortal can go. A beautiful homeland. And here he was among the people of a mortal world. A world unknown to the elves. Even the way it worked was a mystery to the elves. The humans had their secrets just as the elves had theirs. This is what people thought as they passed this man.

It had been a week......No maybe a month, and this man was still here. No one even remembered when he came.....For all they knew it could have been a year!

In Dagga's perspective, however it was like this. "Are these people friendly? Do they even know how to talk? Maybe I should approach one of them......No it's not worth it. They could try to kill me, but at kt same time they could be friendly. I have to make a choice, and quickly too. There's an alley-way up ahead. Maybe I can attract some attention by going there." He turned quickly making lots of noise to attract attention.

He was right. He attracted attention, but only from one person......A young maiden. A pretty one at that, but that's not what he was foccused on.

The young maiden appeared to take his bait as he walked into the alley. He decided to walk a little farther , then all of a sudden he spun around, and he faced her.

"I am a friend....An elf from Elfland, and I am not here to hurt you. I came out of Elfland seeking revenge on a particular man, and I killed him that is now done and over with, I have decided to stay. Are you okay with this?" "Yes" she replied in an uncertain voice, and before he could say anything else, she quickly asked "What is your name?" He said in reply, "Dagga", then before she could ask anything else, he dissappeared.

Dagga had teleported away from this Maiden, going home....That is the one in Traverse Town (Not Elfland) that he had bought when he first arrived.

The next day he wasn't out, (The people didn't know it, but he was regaining his strength from teleporting) but the day after he reappeared, and people started walking nearer to him. he was no longer the man no one knew. He was Dagga. He was an elf, that most people would learn to like.


Questions/Comments/Suggestions?: Can I insert a picture later? Okay, I remember from the other post I made , that I was told I made a species and world very similar to Christopher Paolini's. Okay this is what I have. I changed the world, coming up with a few new ideas, but the species thing is unavoidable. For elves, all that I picture is the description that Paolini's books put into my head. I tried to change that a little, but it'll be VERY hard to change it anymore.

[Zephiris]

I understand that you've been working hard to make it otherwise, but I'm a little hesitant with this app. The originality here is still just a bit. . . lacking. What with the Elf species, and his homeland (beautiful Elfland), the scars, the swordsmanship, magic, all singing very strongly of Paolini or Tolkien, and the personality of your character. . . it seems to need a bit more work to seem believable.

I can list a few things, but I may just be scratching the surface. Your concepts wouldn't be so bad had they not been something we've seen countless times, most of the time based off of many similar fandoms. For example:

- He's an Elf, and not the short Christmas kind.
- From beautiful Elfland, which evil mortals invaded and committed cruel acts.
- Likes cool and grand swords, wields magic. (Though you did a decent job of explaining his training in his History.)
- Tragic childhood. (Most frequently seen is one or both parents dying.)
- Suddenly humoring the prospect of taking up an Assassin profession.

-shrug- I don't know what to say to you in that aspect, just to review, and see what you can logically pull from the depths of your own imagination. This app isn't selling to me as very -real-. Beautiful Elfland must have some flaw, right?

You should try to bring out a few core aspects of Dagga's personality, and have those shape much of his being. Overall, I couldn't tell if he was a generally nice or mean person. I couldn't tell if he'd be the type to go assassinating people. Big traits like 'extremely loyal' or 'has cruelly low morals' would determine how he lives his life, and help me grasp who he is. Events in his life will affect him. For better or for worse? Did killing the man make him vow to never kill again - or did it gave him a taste for blood he'd sate later with revenge?

On a grammatical note, try breaking your History into a few logical paragraphs, rather than a large block of text.

Also, remove mention of Gummi ships, please. They would be too rare to have anything as complex as a security mechanism devoted to them. Chances are, most of your world has never heard of them.

I'll leave it at that for now. You have one week to edit.

[soramaster]

Okay how will he get off his homeland if there are no gummi ships?

[Zephiris]

Members have an imaginative license for that part.  Most common way is to have the world taken over by darkness. Others have been transported by creative oddities, such as falling off a tower, sleeping in a cathedral, or flying an airship through a rip in the sky. 

[soramaster]

Okay, I have used his skills to get rid of gummi ships, and I added something to appearance that might help with the non-disney appearance.

[soramaster]

My internet is going down for about a month and a half. I won't be on very much, so if you can give me extra time with my Original Character, it would be great.

[Zephiris]

This shall be put on hold for now. Just post here again when your ready. :]

[soramaster]

I am back. (And more than ready to continue.) Well I am back unless something goes wrong.

I added tidbits here and there...I probably didn't do much beter, but what is your opinion?

[Zephiris]

Looks better, actually. Powers need some specifying.

- I'd like to see a distance limit on Teleport.
- Please detail what magic he actually has, rather than say the general 'can do almost all magic'. If this meant he could cast all '-aga' level spells, it needs to be dramatically toned down. Remember to specify drawbacks and limitations for each!
- You should also acknowledge the time, materials, and effort required for the creation of a weapon.

5 days to edit.

[Ellie who has 0%]

I know that you're away and stuff been hitting the fan with you, but I advice to really reflect your stay here. This is not to give you the boot, but just an observation that for the length of time you've been here ._. you can hardly get through a review without disappearing. Now this time around you may be gone for 2 months and 1/2.

//Rejected for not editing timely.
//If you do repost, be sure to get all of your edits done that way we can save some time.

~ Ellie