In a cataclysm known as the Nightfall, the worlds were almost completely destroyed by a harrowing surge of darkness.
In the shadows of the ensuing chaos a new group has taken shape. Led by an Aegyl named Kalos, the 11th Hour touts an esoteric knowledge of how to combat the darkness and restore the worlds. They might be the worlds’ best chance at survival; but nobody really knows enough about them to confirm or deny their claims.
On the brink of collapse, the universe holds its breath in anticipation. Of restoration? Of destruction? It is up to individuals like yourself to decide.
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Nickname:The Black Blade, The Dark Light, The Shadow Lightning
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Species:Human
Position: Chaotic Neutral
Powers/Abilities/Techniques/Skills: Carmana has little magical power and tends to use natural abilities as often as possible.
NATRUAL: Slightly enhanced speed due to his naturally long legs and slim figure.
Hidden strength that he possesses even with his thin frame and skinny arms (this is what allows him to carry his heavy blade and use it well).
Intellectual prowess that he has obtained over the years of schooling he has taken.
TECHNIQUES: Reverse blade grip is a special style he uses with his oversized blade holding it in a reverse grip but adjusting the weight of it so the blade swings one direction naturally depending on how it is balanced.
Quick dash is a move he has worked on for many years in his spare time. It allows him to quickly dodge incoming attacks while at the same time closing in for a counter strike. A drawback is that if surrounded he can be intercepted.
Dark defender is yet another move he has made up. Using his blade and what little magical power he has at the time he can create a black energy field that only he and his chosen allies may enter. It wears heavily on his mind and if used for too long may force him to black out for twenty minutes to up to five hours, depending on the conditions.
He also has an UNKOWN TECHNIQUE that he has used only once and has sworn to never use again. Let us all hope he is not forced to break that vow.
SKILLS: Can understand feelings of others by making eye contact . This is something he has learned to do over the years. It has the drawback of not working on people who expect him to do it to them. For this sets up a mental and emotional barrier around the person in question.
Can predict enemy movements up to a fairly high point . Self-explanatory but does not work every time.
Skilled with electrical based devises . Again self-explanatory.
ABILITIES (learned not natural): Dark sense is what he calls his ability to sense if there are heartless or nobodies nearby. Sadly it works both ways if he isn’t careful.
He is a master of almost any sword . And those he has not mastered he learns how to very quickly.
POWERS: He has three main powers. Minor shadow control that lets him use shadows as light weapons and cover. It does not work in areas where the shadows are very faint.
Lightning affiliation that lets him learn electric spells faster than other spells.
Dimensional gates that lets him teleport himself and others, including objects, anywhere within a 6 mile radius. It puts an amazing amount of strain on him unless he is enraged.
SPELLS: Thunder is the only spell he has taken the time to learn so far.
OTHER: Enraged is a rare condition of his that makes him lose almost all of his humanity and reason. When in the enraged state his powers are increased and his strength is unmatched except by a small amount of beings. After calming down he is severely weakened and is stuck with his basic natural abilities for up to twenty-four hours.
Weapon/Items: He carries with him a double edged obsidian broad sword enchanted to be able to withstand immense damage without breaking. The blade also features serrated edges for maximum effect even against the toughest heartless or nobody. He also carries an rusty old katana that his late father gave him before his untimely murder.
Picture:
Appearance:
Carmana is a typical sixteen year old boy. About 5ft.9 and sitting at about 214lbs. He is skinny and has dark brown hair that never stays flat. He has dark purple eyes that tell a story of a life of pain and rage after a time of love and happiness. Over his right eye is a long scar that he obtained from a shadow heartless that slashed him while his guard was down.
He wears a black leather coat over a black t-shirt and usually has on a pair of black jeans with a yellow chain hanging from them. He wears black boots that go about half way up his lower legs with silver buckles. He is never seen without two things, the first being his obsidian broad sword which is usually in the sheath strapped to his back, the second being a strange cross necklace he has around his neck.
On his right hand is a fingerless glove with the heartless emblem embroidered on the back of it. That glove is a constant reminder of what his goal is. On the same hand is a silver spinner ring that reminds him of his family.
Personality:
Carmana is generally a quiet kind of guy. Never really one to talk to others unless it is to shut them up during an argument or to have a heart to heart talk. The only times he ever breaks this rule of his is when in battle and communicating battle plans or smack talking the enemy. Other rare times are when he is off on his own thinking about what has come to pass or what shall happen next.
He is calm and collected with a poker face that almost no one can break. But there is also a darker side to him that no one knows about but for those select few that he trusts more than others. This darker side of him is a burning temper and bloodlust that is fueled by his desire to take revenge on those who killed his friends and family in traverse town. He has sworn to take his revenge even if it costs him his heart. He loves to watch nature and technology coexist in harmony however rare this union may be.
He is a talented artist and is highly flexible both physically and mentally. He fears that one day he will find that there is no hope for those who were destroyed when his town was attacked. He is a kind hearted fellow no matter how corrupted his heart has become from the many heartless encounters he has had. If he finds a group he can work with he is sure to form a strong bond with them.
Original World: Traverse Town Current World: (Newly awakened) Disney Castle
History:
About 14 years before the events of KHI Carmana was born in first district in Traverse Town. His mother was a well-known teacher and his father was known as the town hero and the head of the fire department. He grew up in an environment that was perfect for small families. His mother home schooled him in basic knowledge and arts such as music and drawing. His father helped him work on his combat skills a bit whenever they had the time to spend together.
As the years went by Carmana made many close friends and had many crushes. The only down side was his crushes never felt the same way. He put up with it thinking he would find someone eventually. Years passed and his baby sister Sylvia was born. He spent many a day on the weekends and after his home schooling to spend time with her. This time of peace and love all ended when Carmana turned 14. He had woken up to screams and found the town under attack by heartless. His father was fighting them off as could be expected.
The day the attack ended was the day a great man was lost. Before his very eyes Carmana’s father was murdered. That day marked the change in Carmana forever. He trained harder than ever whenever he had a moment to himself away from his mother and sister. He worked on refining his combat skills till they were second nature to him just as breathing and blinking were. He competed in fighting tournaments with top fighters from all over the town, coming in first a good portion of the time. But with victory, there must always be defeat.
A year passed and Carmana had turned 15. He had not forgotten the death of his father and was still seeking revenge when the second heartless attack struck his town. He followed in his father’s footsteps and fought his way through the waves of heartless. But in an instant the scream that was heard stopped both sides for a moment. Carmana’s little sister, little Sylvia, had been attacked and turned into a heartless.
That moment was the final nail in the coffin for carmana’s old self. Seeing his sister turned into one of those…THINGS…was more than he could bear. He lashed out at the heartless and ended the attack on his own. Many had been lost. It was then a year later…that Carmana went to visit his sister’s grave. And as he lay the flower on the headstone, he vanished. Ready to be awakened when needed.
Role Playing Sample:
He was floating……floating through time and space. This was about to be the second most important day of his life……his rebirth, his awakening. Slowly the unknown boy opened his eyes and saw nothing but darkness……he looked down to see a giant circle that appeared to be made of stained glass underneath him……as he floated down to it he heard a cool female voice speak, apparently to him, “This is where your journey begins. You are about to embark on a great trip with many twists and turns. Be forewarned, this is not for the faint of heart. Only accept this challenge if you are sure you can handle it.”
The boy looked at the area he was about to land on and nodded. The voice spoke again, “very good. Let us begin.” The boy landed on the ground and looked to see three pillars. Each with a different emblem. One a sword, another shield, and the final one a staff. The voice spoke yet again. “Choose the power you wish to gain. It will help decide the form you shall take. Choose wisely.”
The boy looked at the sword pillar and walked over to it. He set his right hand on it and the pillar glowed……the voice spoke without a hint of judgment. “The power of the sword. The path of the warrior. Is this the power you seek?” He simply nodded. The voice spoke. “Now that you have chosen your power, you must choose what power to give up. Choose wisely.”
He looked at the staff pillar and touched it after crossing to it. It glowed and the voice spoke. “The power of the mystic. You give up this power?” He nodded. The voice spoke once again. “Very well then, you have taken the power of the sword and relinquished the power of the mystic, is this the form you desire?”
He closed his eyes and nodded. The voice spoke once again as the three pillars sank into the ground…… “Your strengths are set. Your weaknesses are present. Good luck and may your journey be a safe one. Farewell.” A path then appeared to one side. The boy nodded and whispered his thanks. He took the path to his adventure. And so began his journey.
Questions/Comments/Suggestions? Hope you like what I did if you have any questions I will answer them as best I can
Feb 27, 2012 20:00:06 GMT -4
Last Edit: Mar 26, 2012 19:06:22 GMT -4 by carmana
First off, your History poses a very large question that ought to be answered before anything else is worked on. The Heartless that attacked Destiny Islands - are you referencing the Heartless attack Sora witnessed in KHI? Because if not, there is no other occasions Heartless have taken over the Islands up until the WD timeline. You would be incongruent with Kingdom Hearts canon.
The fact that Heartless attack multiple times furthers this point. Destiny Islands, until Riku opened the door to the Island's Heart, was peaceful. It underwent two attacks in its history, as far as I remember: its fall in KHI, and the Organization's attack going on right now, on the World Destiny timeline. The latter would have used Nobodies disguised as Heartless.
I'd suggest reworking his History to make sense with KH canon. If you have any questions regarding this specifically, feel free to shoot me a PM.
(While you're at it, I'd suggest breaking massive chunks of text into logical paragraphs.)
You have more errors to be fixed, but we can get to those after this main component of who he is is smoothed out. 5 days to respond.
Post by Ellie who has 0% on Mar 25, 2012 23:59:19 GMT -4
Yo I'm Ellie and I shall be taking over
a.) First thing first ---> Double space your paragraphs. Reading a block of text can make other's dizzy hence not wanting to read it. This goes for everything powers, personality ,appearance, history, rp sample the whole shibang!
Powers: Clean this up; this entire section is a hot mess of scattered information. You have natural, then you have powers which seems like he naturally have since it wasn't learned like his 'abilities' or 'spells'.
Categorized them by techniques, abilities, and spells...the end; keep it simple and organized.
Natural --> I dont' see the point in them. There's nothing extravagent or supernatural about them to make them accountable, nor are any of them a big factor to your character. Omit it all.
Dark Defender, Minor Shadow, Dark Sense, Dimension Gate --> I don't see or get where he learned any of this in a meek world of Traverse Town. Your history (which I barely read through due to its being a block of text) doesn't even indicate where he got this from. In the meantime, get rid of it. The thing with building a character EVERYTHING roots from his or her history; they don't get anything or everything at random or because we think it's cool; there's a reason for everything.
Unknown Technique --> Sorry we don't accept 'unknown' without description; it's vague, which gives you too much creative reign WHICH can lead to possible God Modding problems. To avoid god-modding issues, we detail everything for we know what's what.
Skills: I'm iffy about the "know what people are feeling" or "can know what others going to do"; it's sounds pretty far-fetched and godmod prone for this character, since these are pretty random skillset that doesn't personally pertains to your character.
Lightening Affiliation ---> I can see him being resistant to low-level lightening attack, but not being a quick prodigy of it. He only knows the basic spell form (which I don't even know how he learned that since he's a legit native to Traverse Town. Like most world, the knowledge of magic and even other worlds was minute.)
Enraged --> Yes I see this as a 'beserk' mode, but seeing how unsophisticated he is Period since his skillset isn't the biggest I wouldn't build him up to be 'unmatched'. Plus you're going to have to detail how does this Enrage affect him. How much stronger can he get and for how long?
Please note that we do not Judge durations by real time such as: minutes, hours, etc. Time is easily manipulated in a text-based rp, so we go with more concrete methods such as post counts.
5 days. Also PLEASE double space, because I refuse to read it next round if it isn't.
i doouble spaced but if you want me to loose powers and nnot reach the word minimum im sorry but no......why isnt zeeph checking anymore?!? she and i were going to work on it at a pace not a "do it now and ruin the character" speed......sorry for being so blunt......just not my best mood lately
Mar 26, 2012 15:44:41 GMT -4
Last Edit: Mar 26, 2012 15:45:28 GMT -4 by carmana
Post by Ellie who has 0% on Mar 26, 2012 16:45:24 GMT -4
There isn't a minimum or maximum words for powers if you haven't noticed. Why? Not everyone wants to have a massive skillset list for there character. Also zepho requested I take over this profile; she already have an over-load on her shoulders, and I'm alleviating some weight.
Since I'm not Zepho; I do things differently. I'm one who likes to inform you on multiple things that you can work on versus give you itty bits every other so many days. That takes up more time.
Since you want to blunt, I'll be blunt in return. There's hardly any character to ruin; what I advise to remove aren't anything to your character to be more than just abilities 'to reach the word minimum' not attributes relative to the character. Also it's not 'do it now' if I give you 5 days to doing it; I'm just being straight forward and giving you stuff to work on since you have a tendency to probe on the cbox for more advancement on your profile.
So anything else you wish to vent out with your angry smiley face?
I REFUSE TO GET RID OF POWERS THAT ARE VITAL TO MY CHARACTER! AND IF YOU HAD READ THE HISTORY YOU WOULD KNOW HE AND HIS DAD WORKED ON HIS ABILITIES TOGETHER AND HE CONTINUED ON HIS OWN AFTER HIS DAD DIED
Post by Ellie who has 0% on Mar 26, 2012 17:18:37 GMT -4
a.) Like I pointed out earlier, I barely read through your history, because it's a block of text
b.) If I recall it just said combat skills, which can very well be his techniques. Such vagueness can't be applied to the random skillset of teleporting, darkness stuff, and etc, since I also pointed out that Traverse Town is a bland world that such 'supernatural' thing can't be picked up by 'ordinary' people who are native to the an overal 'ordinary' world.
Although you're just typing at me, which can easily be misinterpretated. I will say that I will not put up with your attitude when I'm merely trying to help you. Yes I am a staff, which makes it my duty to help members here, and yes typically staff should be respectful, but I'm not going to be a punching bag. I've been doing this for a while now and am pretty good at it to the point I can boldly say that you didn't articulate well in your profile that ANY of his abilities are vital to your character.
For some VITAL examples Kuu - Sure in his power/abilities/etc. He mentions his intelligence. The reason why it's applicable, because THAT'S his character and it's in his personality...not just a random factoid thrown out there.
Owen Kinkade Can he manipulate shadows? Yeah, but that's apart of his character and his history. He's from a world where people are 'gifted' to master an element unlike your character...who doesn't have ANY reasoning for his 'gifts'.
Sooo I advice you to go take a chill pill and rethink what I displayed when you're less 'passionate' for you can understand the method of my madness.
PM me when you can be civil and would like to move on in the progress of your character.
Post by Ellie who has 0% on Mar 31, 2012 11:34:22 GMT -4
Alright 5 days are up, and you haven't completed your edits timely. Rejected.
When in doubt, LISTEN to your staff; we're trying to help you not crucify you, and when I mean LISTEN I mean complete the neccessaary edits we advice you. Making bargains will not get this done, because...we're know what we're doing. If there was room for doing some give and take, we would've told you.
If this proove to be too much for you as in you can't handle our expectation, still think we're attacking you, or demolishing your character, then I think it's best you find another rp to be apart of. This isn't to discourage you, but this place isn't 'helping you' and you can't enjoy it if you can't accept what's being presented to you, and I do not want others to waste their time talking to a brick wall. If you think this process was unenjoyable for you, well think of the other side of the spectrum from our perspective.
Regardless of your choice whether it's staying here and TRUSTING/LISTENING/AND INITIATING WHAT YOUR STAFF ADVICE YOU or leaving, I wish you the best of luck. The world won't always be peaches and cream, rainbows and sunshines, and happy My Little Ponies, and sometimes you can't always get what you want and may have to modify to fit. (in this secnario...it's your character.)
