In a cataclysm known as the Nightfall, the worlds were almost completely destroyed by a harrowing surge of darkness.
In the shadows of the ensuing chaos a new group has taken shape. Led by an Aegyl named Kalos, the 11th Hour touts an esoteric knowledge of how to combat the darkness and restore the worlds. They might be the worlds’ best chance at survival; but nobody really knows enough about them to confirm or deny their claims.
On the brink of collapse, the universe holds its breath in anticipation. Of restoration? Of destruction? It is up to individuals like yourself to decide.
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This may sound rude, but i don't think vaan would count as a canon character. KH (to my knowledge) has only used characters from FF10 and below.
Doesn't matter. Vaan is an accepted canon character on World Destiny. Shantotto (XI), Ashe (XII), Fran (XII), Lightning (XIII), ect. are just as canon here as Locke (VI), Reno (VII), Rinoa (VIII), or Zidane (IX), all of which have been applied for but haven't appeared in the games. They're just as acceptable as Setzer, Cloud, Squall, or Vivi, who have.
However, it's just a picture. Those can be ignored, and are even optional on the form. The real meat of the profile is in the text of the respective section. I see no problem with using Vaan as a faceclaim. Should someone else come along, you'd simply need to remove the picture. You're written description of him that doesn't scream "Vaan", like a peculiar diagonal face slash would "Seifer", or dichromatic eyes would "Yuna".
-scurries out of Cadey's way-
Apr 16, 2012 21:36:28 GMT -4
Last Edit: Apr 16, 2012 21:38:42 GMT -4 by Zephiris
At t6his point in time the only things that concern me about this profile is 1) your composition skills, and 2) your character's history/concept. The former can be fixed with experience and paying attention to how other compose their posts in regards to paragraph set up and punctuation usage. The later may be a little bit more difficult to rectify.
When I first started working on this character, I though I got what he was, and that it was okay. But now I'm not so sure anymore. What I gathered from your history is that he's a science experiment where his heart, or the like, was removed and split up into 26 fragments. And he's on a search to collect the 25 other fragments to become whole again. At least that's what I kinda got out of it... or want to get out of it. Cause that simplistic description is something I could grasp, something I could get behind.
But I'm afraid that's not what you're trying to present in your text. Your history is really, REALLY, confusing, and what I concluded above was my best attempt to understand it. You probably were going for a complex character, but in the end you kinda just present something that makes sense to you, but not to any outside reader.
And really, I can't see this character existing in the KH universe. He seems like something taken out of a Cyberpunk universe or the like... Not the KH one.
I'd hate to tell you to do the entire character over, but I would like you to start from the beginning and tell me in the simplest way possible who Z is. What he is. Why what was done to him was done to him, and from there I can help you build him up. Don't change your profile, just reply. =/
The What- You had it right, mostly. Z is a science experiment, who's heart was broken up into 25 other pieces, and he's on a search to find them, and become whole again. There is a problem, though. CHAOS, an artificial being created by professor Kurushii, is also trying to gather these pieces, to use the POWER from these pieces to become a sort of super being. (Works on the same basic principle as xion, except it has to kill a project to obtain his or her heart.) Now, a project's heart is SUPPOSED to be integrated back into CHAOS at 14, or below. when a project's heart is integrated in this manner, the shell, instead of becoming a nobody, becomes a puppet of CHAOS.
The Motive-
The kurushii family, for generations, has mated with specific individuals in order to get the right genes. This was done for one purpose, and one purpose only. The kurushii family's goal was to wipe out life, and re-create it in their own image. (Your average Antagonist-who-wants-to-play-god). This new life, due to their "Improvements", has twice the lifespan of a normal human, but the ability to resist commands has been taken away. But, as a consequence of the inability to resist, they are also easily influenced by actions, thus, if life were left the way it was, they would either evolve back to human capacity, go further, or DEVOLVE into big-skulled apes.
The Why-
Project Z's heart has been seperated, and from each piece, a SEPERATE being created. This was done because of the limitations of a human body. One person could master swordsmanship, however, one person could NOT master 26 different skills, in the space of 14 years, so they split up Z, so that each project could master different skills, and still become a puppet of CHAOS.
Again, I completely get (and kinda like) where your going with this character idea... up until you get to the first mention of CHAOS. Then you lose me, and my interest, and this character profile quickly dissolves into bad-cliche-JRPG-plot.
The first thought you presented us with: "Z is a science experiment, who's heart was broken up into 25 other pieces, and he's on a search to find them, and become whole again." That was perfect for a character concept. Simple, straight forward.
The who: Z is an experiment; the what: his heart was divided into pieces and he's searching for them; the drive: he's out to become whole again. That is all, ALL, that you really needed. Should have elaborated on.
Then you hop on the crazy train to Japan... and the whole concept becomes muddled. It becomes so strewn with ideas that the reader becomes disinterested. You made things too complicated, gave this fellow a far to complicated character plot which you will never get other characters interested in or involved with it. And that's what RP is about.
It's always best to start with a simple idea and through character interaction build complexity. Starting off complex can only harm you, get you nowhere because the climax has already been met. It's a hole many RPers tend to fall into. You need to start simple.
I'm sure I'm not the only staffie confounded by this character. Little secret: we LOVE simple characters. They have more room to grow, and we can get them checked faster because we have to do less fact-checking, power regulating. etc.
Best I can tell you right now is to shave your character down to its simplest for (what we as your readers can understand) and elaborate THAT. Elaborate on something simple. Nix the whole overarching CHAOS thing, and what not. Keep in the past what best leads up to what he is and keep the future open. Because in all honesty, this is a KH RP: people Z will meet will be far, FAR more concerned with Xehanort, the Heartless, Organization XIII, things relevant to the KH universe, as opposed to CHAOS and other things attached to this single character's story.
If I come off rudish-sounding, I apologize. I just really get passionate about character creation. >.>;;
