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Post by akeybladeyousay on Jun 9, 2012 0:49:39 GMT -4
Name: Sally
Nickname:
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Species: Human
Position: Neutral
Powers/Abilities/Techniques/Skills: Can summon a small amount of water, about a cup and move it as she desires, with the help of her wristband. The wristband’s capacity must be developed, and the maximum amount of water able to be controlled increases slightly with each use. She has an advanced knowledge of computers and similar technologies, as well as computer coding and programming. All of this knowledge is saved to a chip implanted in her brain. Can jump and run with considerably more than average agility thanks to her Techno-Sneakers (Copyrighted).
Weapon/Items: Crossbow, waterproof leather shoulder bag that contains heat-seeking bolts for it, can hold up to 25 bolts (takes 1 post to reload), fairly large metal wristband that can utilize water (takes 10 posts to recharge), Techno-Sneakers (work for 5 posts, then take 5 posts to recharge)
Picture: None
Appearance: Her height is 6 feet, 2 inches, and she weighs 170 pounds. She has a decently muscular build. She has long, straight, reddish-brown colored hair that reaches down to her elbows when let down, but she usually has it put up in a ponytail. She has deep, blue eyes and a small tattoo on her left cheek of a swirling design. She wears a small chain necklace with a charm in the shape of a cartoon robot. She wears a white, short-sleeved t-shirt with brown trim and a picture of a gold heart over the left half of her chest, a pair of denim shorts, and a pair of metal shoes.
Personality: She tries to put on a strong, independent act around others, but is very emotional and sensitive on the inside. She is very protective of other people who she is close to, and will fight for her friends whenever necessary. However, she doesn’t trust large groups anymore. She feels that she is able to better do something by herself, for the most part. Sally only wishes now to find peace, far away from her past. She is currently very self-conflicted, and finds herself confused whenever she thinks about the past. Sally’s greatest fear is that someday, after she finds sanctuary, her past will catch up with her. She was once attracted towards boys who made it a point to be “manly men”, but ever since Michael betrayed her, she’s been having second thoughts. She does a lot of abstract drawings, and she keeps her notebook in her shoulder bag with her ammunition, along with a pencil. She tends to draw anytime she feels deep emotion, even if she may not know why she’s having those emotions.
Original World: Ortalia (Explained in History) Current World: Destiny Islands
History: Sally was born in Ortalia, a world with extremely advanced technology that prioritizes it above all else. All of the current Ortalian children are required to have a tattoo of their family’s identification crest placed on their face, and a chip implanted to their brains that will allow them to learn and retrieve information they are taught abut Ortalian culture and technology. Sally was no exception. Sally learned all about computers and other similar technologies in an Ortalian process that involved downloading a small amount of information into the chip in a child’s brain every day. Recently, the barrier of the heart of Ortalia was broken, and Heartless began to ravage the world mercilessly. The Ortalian scientists made the best of the situation, creating their own version of Gummi ships.
By the time Sally was 13 years of age, a new leader took over the government, claiming he would destroy every last one of the foul Heartless, turning it into a dictatorship. The government ruled with an iron fist, increasing the amount of laws in the community tenfold. Sally soon joined a resistance team. There, she met Michael, the boy of her dreams, a strong macho man. Sally would pursue Michael for years, Michael rejecting her up to the age of 17 where he finally gave in and began to date her.
The resistance would steal top secret technologies from government officials, such as weaponry, Techno-Sneakers (Copyrighted), and Elemental wristbands that would allow the wearer to use a form of “magic”. Then, one fateful night, the resistance team was attempting to break into a government facility to find the few examples of Gummi ships in the world that had been allowed to exist. It was that night that it was accidentally revealed to her that the resistance had been using these technologies for greedy purposes, using them against civilians to acquire vast amounts of wealth, and that the government was protecting her from exactly these types of people. It was there that she killed all 5 present members, including Michael, shooting them in the head with heat-seeking bolts from a recently stolen crossbow. She stole one of the Gummi ships, planning to fly as far as possible to get away from the madness of her homeworld. After a long time flying through what seemed like endless empty space, she found a world with vast oceans and glorious beaches and flew in to take a closer look at this paradise…
Role Playing Sample: The emotional pain Sally was experiencing was indescribably excruciating. Why had the resistance used her? She felt that it was obvious, that somehow she should’ve known that she was not on the side she was supposed to be on. Perhaps the most painful fact of all was that all those years chasing Michael, she was playing right into their trap. They deserved to be killed, which is exactly why she killed them. Or, at least, that’s what she thought at the time. But were they truly evil? They were simply trying to get along in life, and she went and killed them. Was she the horrible person, after all?
The bright blue sky and fluffy, white clouds shot past as she flew over the islands. Perhaps here she could find refuge. She knew that they would be looking for her. After all, she had just killed five people, even if they were greedy criminals. But what if they found her, even here? What if they could track her by all of the technology on and inside of her? What would be the punishment for such a vicious crime?
She contemplated how easy it would be to escape all that. In a big craft like this, it wouldn’t be hard for her to just end everything. Her mind slipped into the notion of what blissful peace it would be…
The Gummi ship slowly drifted downward…. She imagined all of the stresses, all of the pains of this lifetime just swept away, only sanctuary. The ship started to drift dangerously close to the ocean.
Sally snapped out of her trance and looked to see the waves beneath her. She pulled up from the nosedive.
Or, at least, she tried to. It hadn’t occurred to Sally that, since these ships were never used, they wouldn’t be well-maintained. She realized just how much of a marvel it was that she had made it this far. She continued to dive in a panic. Sally began to grab the things that she would need most: her crossbow, her ammunition pack that also contained her drawing notebook, and her elemental wristband. She ran for the emergency exit to try to get out of the ship before it hit the water— But it was too late. Sally was thrown backwards by the force of the Gummi ship hitting the waves. She blacked out when she hit her head on the back wall. The next thing she felt was the gentle scratching of sand on her face.
Jun 9, 2012 0:49:39 GMT -4
Last Edit: Jun 9, 2012 14:01:50 GMT -4 by akeybladeyousay
Powers: So she can only move water and not change any of its properties? Just checking. Does the chip have any disadvantages?
Weapons: I'm iffy on having her only wait one post to reload her arrow bag, considering that they'd rarely miss (heat-seeking bolts, after all!). Make it two posts so it's more reasonable.
Personality: What exactly from her past is affecting her? Try to be more concrete there. I'd also like to know more about this tsundere's abstract drawing; expand on that.
History: You mention all of this technology; how did it impact the people's culture? What I'm trying to say is to write a bit more of life in Ortalia and how it's different from others. How long has it been since the world's barrier shattered and HOW did it happened? We need details for that, as well as for the Gummi Ship investigation part; I find it a tad too vague.
Okay, so cool. This evil guy got the power and started being all evil. How did he even get there? How did these new laws affect the population to the point that they started a rebellion? Why did she even join this movement at the tender age of thirteen? Okay so she had a crush on this guy. HOW did it happen? Tell more about their life as part of the resistance; there's a lot of room for memories in four years. After he finally gave in, how was their life as a couple?
Then we get the plot twist; she was working for the wrong side. "It was that night that it was accidentally revealed to her that the resistance had been using these technologies for greedy purposes, using them against civilians to acquire vast amounts of wealth, and that the government was protecting her from exactly these types of people." I don't understand this sentence. How was the government protecting her o.o when she was chillin' with these guerrilla groups? Why didn't the people that refused to join the resistance stand up to them? And how did she learn all of this?
And she killed everyone and escaped on a Gummi Ship. Why would she run away now that she knew the truth? Reading her personality it seems very OOC; wouldn't she have stayed and speak up against the good guys who turned out to be bad?
In short, the history is vague in general. Expand on it and add detail.