Aeleus, The Quiet Villain [WIP]

[Deleted]

Name:
Aeleus

Nickname:
None

Dark XII Title:
The Quiet Villain

Age:
Thirty-five… in appearance. He’s been a Heartless for ten years.

Gender:
Male

Species:
Humanoid Heartless

Position:
Lawful Evil

Powers/Abilities/Techniques/Skills:
Geomancer: Like his Nobody, Aeleus can manipulate the earth but can move things bigger then a border

Brick smash: Aeleus slams his weapon into an enemy with the force similar to a brick wall.

Rock wave: manipulates the earth sending a rock based tsunami

Geo Blast: manipulates the earth into the air then can target up to three enemies so to hurls the floating earth at foes.

Duel wield: If the need arises Aeleus can switch his shield for a copy of his axe-sword to increase damage.

Magic: Can use up to four spells before five post rechange

Meteor: calls down a huge space rock to impact on enemies. Hit range is 20 feet in diameter

Quake: slams the ground (either stomps or slamming hand) causing a level 6 earthquake. Stuns anyone within a range of 30 feet. Lasts 2 posts

Heartless form: Aeleus turns into an earth golem look-like of a Dark Side

Summons Heartless:
Lesser: such as shadows
Geo-nomes: they look like Large-Body Heartless only half the size face on the chest and Heartless symbol on the back of both their hands. Has the ability to hurl medium–sized chucks of earth. Also can curl into a ball and roll over enemy or to catch fleeing foes (think of the Pokémon move rollout)(groups of five)

Weapon/Items:
Earthshaker: Aeleus uses the same weapon he did when was human, however the heart symbol is the replaced with the Heartless sigil.

Cometblocker: In Aeleus’s free hand he holds a shield shaped like a comet with a tail as if it was flying. The shield’s length goes from the tip of Aeleus’s fingerers to just below his shoulder.

Appearance:
Aeleus’s appearance is that of a Twenty-five year old man and he wears the same guard outfit as his somebody with minor alterations: grey uniform with black cuffs and the Heartless symbol on the chest as well as on the cuffs of both of his gloves. Aeleus's Axe Sword appears much smaller than his Nobody's weapon, as well as being more reminiscent of an actual axe. Aeleus looks nearly identical to his Nobody counterpart, except for Aeleus’s eyes are sea-green.

Personality:
Aeleus believes that all worlds are in chaos and wants to bring peace to them using the darkness in him to do so. Aeleus does not speak very often but when he does it’s to make his own input. He may be a Heartless but it does not mean Aeleus will not obey the laws of other worlds and will never let anyone be his comrade or the Nobodies.


Original World: Radiant Garden
Current World: World that Never Was


Movie/Video Game(s):
Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep

History:
Before Birth by Sleep
In the bad part of Radiant Garden Aeleus grew up with fear of being brutally attacked for no reason. As young boy, Aeleus was raised on the principle that the law was order that the laws and its enforcer kept the balance of the world in check. Aeleus vowed that he to would bring balance to Radiant Garden and so Aeleus join the royal guard academy. After graduate0 from the academy, a twenty year Aeleus enlisted in the Wise Guard (which is what I call Ansem the Wise’s personally guard) where he meet his follow guards Dilan and Braig as well as the scientist Even and the he was taking care Ienzo.

During Birth by Sleep
Aeleus is guarding the palace of Ansem the Wise. When he and Dilan meet Ventus, but keep him from getting inside the castle, telling him to leave before the monsters come out. At that moment Aeleus spots a giant Unversed, and both guards begin to head after it as Ventus runs ahead of them.
As the two move to follow him, Even approaches and openly wonders what will become of the castle if they left their posts. Aeleus begins to argue, but Even assures Ventus could handle it because he is "special". As Aeleus questions this, Dilan recalls their job to guard the castle, and the two return to their positions at the door.
After Birth by Sleep
Still one of six apprentices to the ruler and scientist of Radiant Garden, Ansem the Wise, Aeleus alongside Braig, Dilan, Even, Ienzo, and Xehanort began experimenting on people’s heart to better understand the darkness within. Ansem the Wise worried that the Darkness in people's hearts would eventually consume his world and so he began performing tests on Xehanort's heart.
Eventually, Ansem the Wise created a laboratory in his castle's basement for such experimentation. However, Aeleus and the other apprentices had their own intentions for the laboratory, and began conducting inhumane experiments on the human heart and the darkness within it. At the same time Braig had been tell Aeleus that by using the darkness in his heart Aeleus would be able to finally being ever lasting peace for Radiant Garden.
The experimentations eventually led to the creation of Heartless, Ansem quickly discovered their secret experiments, and immediately ordered them to stop. One day, after being advised to review their research data by King Mickey, Ansem found that the effects of their experiments had become irreversible. Ansem was then banished to the Realm of Darkness by his apprentices.
Eventually, Aeleus and the other five apprentices dabbled too deep into darkness through their continued experiments, banishing Ansem the Wise to the Realm of Darkness. Aeleus is eventually attacked by Xehanort. While Aeleus faded into darkness, his strong will allowed him to spilt into two; his body becoming the Nobody Lexaeus, who joined the Organization as Number V; and his heart forming his Heartless which took up his old name. Aeleus never knew about his Nobody brother not until the DarkXII found him ten years later. Aeleus believes that he is superior to Lexaeus and wishes to prove it by defeating him ever and any change he gets.

Role Playing Sample:
It was a normal day in the Castle of Abyss, well as normal as Heartless can be, Aeleus was gazing out the window of his room in deep thought, wondering what Lexaeus was doing with his time, wonder what the other Nobodies were doing. Aeleus hated wondering, hated the fact that the Nobodies cause so much chaos, chaos that he would have to amend later. Needing to get his angry out, Aeleus heads for a bigger part of the castle to train. Finally getting to an area big enough he summoned some Geo-nomes and attacked without mercy.

After a few hours of training, Aeleus’s skin was soaked with sweet and dirt but he did feel much better. Aeleus wiped away the grim on his face and began heading back to his when a voice all too familiar spoke to him.
“Well someone seems to be a little out of it”, said the voice letting its laughter be heard.

For a moment Aeleus was quiet wondering if the voice was done, “Did you come all this way just to mock me Braig”
“Mock you, as if, the boss man told me to tell you to check out Olympus Coliseum for a person called ‘Hades’ he’ll tell what he wants when you get there”, Braig finished.

After a long moment Aeleus concluded that Braig was gone and thought , “A recon? Isn’t that Myde’s job but orders are orders I better get going]” he then opened a Dark Corridor and head for the Coliseum wondering what his mission most be.

[Deleted]

ok done tell what I'm miss if anything

[Ren]

This profile is far from being complete.

Word Counts.
You fail to meet the word counts in multiple categories.
Appearance (80 words when you need at least 100)
Personality (69 words when you need at least 175)
RP sample (258 words when you need at least 350).

Also, there is a good chunk of Aeleus's history that is directly copy-pasted from the Kingdom Hearts wiki. That is plagiarizing and completely against the rules. Write it in your own words. No exceptions.

Powers/Abilities
What magic spells can he use? You already have a number of abilities available to him, yet you insist he can also use magic. You don't explain what kind of magic, just any four spells. Either explain it or take it away; even a member of the Dark XII cannot be a god-mode.

He turns absolutely gigantic in his Heartless form. If you read the other profiles of Dark XII members, you'll realize that no one else has their appearances changed quite to that extent. Fix it.

All of these descriptions are extremely lackluster, and so far is not meeting the requirements for a character of this status and caliber.

Weapons/Items
You are just assuming that we know what his weapon was when he was human. Well, I don't. Describe it. And I'm not going to look for it in a wiki; I expect to see you cover every loophole, flaw, and description in your own profile of this character.

Personality
The few words that you've give me for his character do not really describe him at all; I still feel like I have no idea who he is. His personality should have some semblance of similarity to Lexaeus's, and should be deep, well-written, and more than just "surface personality" things. So far, I'm just seeing the surface. This is a profile that needs to be absolutely excellent in order to pass inspection, as the Dark XII are our plot creations; I want two detailed paragraphs on his personality, no exceptions.

History
As mentioned before, nearly all of this is word-for-word from a Kingdom Hearts wiki. Not only is that against the rules, but a character for the Dark XII has to be a lot deeper than what the simple-minded wiki has to offer. Fix it. All of it.

In conclusion, the first time I read this profile I was inclined to reject it outright. A profile for a Dark XII character needs to be impeccable, especially since they're such sought-after characters and are absolutely necessary for this site's plot. This does not exceed expectations, as a Dark XII character's profile should; it does not even meet expectations in most cases.

If you can prove to me within a week that you are ready for this character, that you can handle someone so important to the plot, then I will re-think my decision. I don't think you're ready, and everything in this profile is just proving my point. But, I will give you a fair chance, and give you a week to do the best you can to clean up this profile; in fact, I'm going to grant this profile WIP status until then. If it is not satisfactory, I will reject it. Remember, Dark XII profiles must exceed expectations. Blow me away with this.

7 days to edit or ask questions.

[Ren]

Rejected per request.