Lucas Bane

[neowulfkh]

Name:Lucas Bane

Nickname:

Age:19

Gender:Male

Species:Human

Position:Good

Power/Abilities/Techniques/Skills:

Magic Points:110 (recovers 5 MP per post in battle)
Novice Magician: Limit Breaker style- when Lucas is in critical health,his moves will double in power, and increase in range at the cost of them costing 1.5 times more.
Aerial Ninja: Lucas can create multiple kunai out of the wind around him that attack the closest designated target. MP cost: 20MP
Wind Rider: Lucas creates multiple tornadoes, He then rushes his opponent knocking them into the tornadoes. The tornadoes will bounce the opponent between the tornadoes, medium damage.
MP cost: 40 MP
Ghostfang: Lucas can create a 2nd Ghostfang to dual-wield with for 3 turns, adding additional damage he deals with non-elemental sword based attacks.It lasts for 5 turns .MP cost: 30 MP
Block: Lucas raises his weapon to block a basic attack, it reduces the damage done with elemental attacks. MP cost: 6 MP
Aerora: Form 1:Concentrates an orb of pure wind and energy in to his hand and then forces that pure energy mixed with wind to the opponent. MP: 15. Form 2:Blast a sphere of fast, honing air that wont stop until it hits the closest enemy. MP: 23
Cura: Heals fatigue, and can heal most broken bones. MP:20
Thunder: Brings down an array of lightning in a protective barrier around Lucas to give him more fighting room.
Range: 20 ft. around Lucas MP: 15-Spell
Cyclone Howl: Lucas taps into his spirit and releases a fearsome cyclone shock-wave around him dealing damage to the enemies around him. Range: 6 ft. around Lucas MP: 40
Vortex Blade: Lucas coats his blade in wind and starts wailing down on his nearest enemy in 6-hit combo. MP: 25
Cyclone Raid: Lucas throws his blade, which creates a miniature tornado around it, dealing damage to enemies. Range: 25 ft. MP: 20
Mirage Storm: - Lucas jumps into the air and creates a devastating tornado, then teleports like a mirage to a different location creating another less devastating tornado again and again, making the whole area a massive storm of tornadoes. Maximum amount of tornadoes: 6 dealing medium continuous damage damage. MP:70


Weapons/Items:
Ghostfang- A katana that has a wolf head at the hilt, which has the blade coming straight out the wolf head's mouth. Ghostfang also has the ability to create a mirrored image of itself, allowing Lucas to dual wield. The mirage ghost fang only deals about half the damage the Normal ghost fang would.

Appearance:
Lucas appears as a white, 19-year old with short blonde hair, and green eyes. He always appears in a solid black hoodie, a white t-shirt with a yin yang sigil on the chest of it, a regular pair of denim jeans, and white sneakers with stripes of black swirling along them. He is of a medium build, he is about 5'9'', and he weighs about 180 pounds. He is also, ALWAYS, wearing a yin yang pendant that was given to him by his friend/girlfriend: Brook because she said that she saw the most balance in himself and his life than anyone else she has met before.

Personality:
Lucas is a very determined person who also knows when its time to take a break, or continue on in whatever he is doing. His objective is simple: protect. Lucas has felt that it is his duty to protect all those close to him and punish all those who wish to do harm to anyone close to him (espcially Brook). He also feels that he has to try and do his part in trying to keep his world from falling to the darkness. Though he is young he can be bright sometimes, but others he can just be plain stupid . Lucas's most feared thought is failing to protect his loved ones, to allow the darkness to consume all those who have become a part of his life. His biggest weakness: his friends, they are probably the most important thing to him other than his family. Lucas also knows how to help his fellow teammates in to battle, he can pretty much work with anyone he is paired up with.Though he can lead when he is needed to .But, most importantly, lucas can handle large dangerous situations pretty well.

Original World: Reormn
A planet most like earth except life is shared with another form of sentient life: Animal Spirits, and the world is full of all different kinds of amazing magic. On Reormn, the people interact with their own animal spirit and create many things using the magic of the human and spirit's unison, however, not all inhabitants of Reormn see the spirits as their equals. Some use their spirits to destroy and threaten the people of Reormn and try and think of ways to rule with their power, which is why, several people and their spirits have formed a union to stop these people who wish to destroy and rule as a tyrant. This union is called a Gaurdian Squad. Peoples abilities are determined by there spirits, which is often determined by their personality. Dragon spirits give the abilities of all forms of fire, these people often act with out thinking. Shark spirits give their owners total control over water.These people are often calm. Fox spirits lend their knowledge of the land to their owners giving them the ability manipulate the ground at will they are These people are normally quiet, but have short tempers. Then lastly, the wolf spirit,
one of the rarest spirits to have, gives their owners control of all of the elements, but since its powers are so wide spread, elemental ability of each element is weakened. People who have this, often act quickly, with good intentions, are normally calm and quiet with decent sized tempers with occasional energetic out bursts. These people are also normally well rounded.

Current world: Radiant Garden

History:
Lucas was born May 23( he was born seven years before the start of BBS) He was a very happy boy, he often got into trouble with his mother because he would always wonder into the woods,but he had a reason for doing so.Whenever his mom caught he would always say "I trying to make a map of the forest so people do get separated from their parents," even though the map was made of crayons.

As time passed, he wondered what his spirit was.This is where his true story starts.Lucas's journey to becoming who he was all started when he was seven. Lucas had finally managed, after so many failed attempts, summon his own spirit: the wolf. Unfortunately, after he summoned it, devoured/tore up all of their furniture. It was at that moment, that Lucas's dad Markus (The towns best magical swordsman), who had trained under the towns magician for many years, decided to train Lucas in the art of using weapons and magic. During this time, Markus taught Lucas everything about combat with a sword and how to use the power of the elements. He taught Lucas how to use any sword incase he lost what every sword he mainly used .Though Lucas was not able to use any of the other elements, the only element that he could use was the element of air. At the thought of Lucas being able to move quickly and use the element of air so easily, Markus had,had called upon the towns magician to aid him into making a special blade, one made of pure wind: Ghostfang. And so after this, Lucas would never stop training with magic, Ghostfang, and practicing to summon his spirit with more efficiency. As a matter of fact, he trained so much that he had himself home schooled so that he could learn more about everything his father had to teach him.

It wasn't until 12 years after he had begun his training that he started going back to school (the time Lucas had first channeled his spirit and started his training was where he was during BBS). During this time he was never truly alone though, he still had his best friend, and next door neighbor, Xander who visited often. He also had the companionship of his childhood friend Brook (who later starts dating Lucas). But, by the time Lucas had started in High School, all he wanted to ever do was go out and be apart of a real Gaurdian Squad but, unfortunately one had to be at-least 20 to make or join a Guardian squad.

So, one day after a lot of thinking and strategic planning, Lucas decided to form his own unofficial team, by enlisting the help of Xander (who's spirit is the shark) and Brook (who's spirit is the fox). It was also during this time that a duranged man named Ryolk Xerarok.

Xerarok was originally a good man,who lived not to far from Lucas,but his life took a drastic turn for the worse, his wife left him for his best friend, his mother was on her death bed,and her last words to him were "I always never liked you,I had always regretted keeping you",so with him, now feeling betrayed,decided he didn't like this world anymore,so he would try to over take it. With this he pursued the search of Dark magic. After years of trial and error with his small scale experiments.He decided he was ready to take over, or possibly destroy his world. He had devised a plan so horrible, that if he succeeded, all of Reormn would become his own personal kingdom of darkness, or it would be gone for ever . Lucas got word of what Xerarok was doing. It took Lucas's team about a week to track him down and find out that he was going to create an inter-dimensional black hole generating machine that would give Xerarok complete control over all space and time.

In a last stand, Lucas and his team confronted Xerarok, in an attempt to stop him from carrying out his plan. Before the battle began, Brook gave Lucas a special good luck charm: a pendant of with a yin yang symbol. When she gave him this she told him that she had a feeling that only he could stop all this, for he, was one of the only people she has met with almost complete balance within themself. After that, they kissed, and went straight into battle.

The battle over all was very short. Xander who,tried to distract Xerarok, was thrown straight into a wall. Xerarok encased Brook in an unbreakable sphere of dark energy. After that, Lucas and Xerarok fought it out, sword to sword, until Xerarok managed to throw Lucas straight into the ground, knocking him unconscious.

During this state Lucas's mind wandered though an empty void of nothing. After so long of this nothingness, Lucas began to wonder if all he had done had been for nothing. Whether all the training he had put in wasn't enough. Whether wasting so much time tracking down Xerarok had just been that: wasted time. Whether or not he had just failed in attempting to save his world. Right when he about to finally give in, his spirit came to him and showed him that everything he had done had been for a reason. He wasn't the only hope to save his world,but he could make it easier for the person that was. So at that, Lucas woke from his unconcious state, just as Xerarok was about to finish him, a rumbling from the earth had taken Xerarok's attack off course giving Lucas enough time to perform his plan. After going through this realization, Lucas, decided in a last resort attempt to destroy the machine. He charged into Xerarok,who was working on the machine, and destroyed it. But, it's effect was unexpected to both Xerarok and Lucas. Instead of just stopping the machine, the machine started to implode, and then created a black hole of darkness that devoured Lucas's world.



Role playing sample:


Lucas fell to the ground with a THUD .He shot up, yelling, "Brooke, No, where is...you?” he realized that he wasn't in a place that he knew. It was all new to him. After a while of waking up, Lucas's stomach started growling
Man I'm hungry; I wonder where I can get something to eat, preferably something edible. Wait, wait.....where am I, This doesn't look like Reormn. This place looks, um how would I put it? Oh, yeah, weird, but original.
"Brooke, Xander, are you there? Where are you? Hello? Is anyone here?" Lucas had asked, now just realizing where he was, no one was there.
So Lucas started wondering around the city, or at least what he thought was a city. He wondered around for a while then remembering that his spirit could possibly help. "Hey, where do you think we are? Hello are you there, oh great, not you too." Lucas said, now with great disappointment upon him.

Great, I lost my best friend, my girlfriend, and now even my spirit. What else could I....wait, wait, where is Ghostfang? Lucas thought as he searched himself. Darn I lost it, wait, nope never mind, I found it, it was on my back. So, as Lucas was wandering around aimlessly, he realized that he was getting more lost than he already was which was not helping, at all. He decided then, that he might as well start retracing his steps. But, unfortunately he had forgotten from which why he had come from.

"Hello, can anyone help me please?" Lucas asked, getting more and more lost, “I have seemed to have lost my way, and I was hoping someone could show me around here, or at least give me a map. Oh also something to eat as well I'm starving."

Lucas's stomach started rumbling again, “Can’t you ever just be quiet, please just stop grumbling, because you are not making my hunger any better" Lucas said, now somewhat frustrated that he has yet to find food. "Never mind ,I just remembered ,I have some food on me right now”.

Yay, I am so happy. Now, all I need to do is find Xander, Brooke, and maybe, just maybe, Xerarok, so I can figure out where he is planning to attack next, if he does attack." Why can't I find my way around this place, it's just too confusing. Why couldn't this town be easier to navigate?Like have a map with an arrow that says "YOU ARE HERE." But, first things first, if I am going to find my way around this area, I'm going to need to find a land mark that is noticeable.

"Hmm wait I found a sign, it says something, wait, ok it says 'Welcome to Radiant Garden, where the locals are nice', I hope that sign is not lying.Oh well, now that I know where I am , I can rest a little easier now." Lucas said with an improving attitude.

[Ren]

I apologize for taking so long to get to this. I just recently started college and have been very stressed out. However, let's get to work - and you've got a lot of work to do.

Word Counts
not met: Personality (164 words, need 175 at least)
not met: RP Sample (267 words, need 350 at least)
Appearance was dangerously low, reaching 104 words when the minimum is 100

Powers
Recovers MP at a "moderate" pace... how moderate? describe the EXACT count over the EXACT time period. moderate can mean anything from "5 MP per post" to "20 MP per post" - and one is drastically more god-moddish than the other. does it regenerate overnight, when he rests? since you've deigned to use the MP system, you need to tell me how it works for him, basically.

"Novice Magician" - how much of a power increase? how is this "Limit Break" unlocked? when he's in critical health and hit? describe this.

NO SHADOW POWERS. he is not a Heartless nor a Nobody, so I see no reason for him to be able to embrace the powers of darkness, for however a brief amount of time. he needs to have a reason for these powers, and you just kind of handed them to him. His history doesn't give him viable reason either.

Cura healing "1/3 of [his] HP" isn't going to cut it in this RP. there's no such thing as HP in this forum. describe, rather, what sort of injuries it heals - fatigue? cuts? scrapes? bruises? minor broken bones?

hold up a second. He has two limit breaks? no no no. the Novice Magician one is fine. this Judgment: Limit Breaker move is also extremely god-moddish. get rid of it. that's the sort of absurd ability he'd unlock after a long time of battling here. remember, he's a starting character.

also, he just has a ton of freaking spells that he knows. I'm going to need you to get rid of quite a few. since Wind is his affinity, why not keep most of those and nix the rest?

Weapons/Items
A dual image of itself (for Ghostfang)? why? how? is the dual image weaker than the original? how long does it last for?

History
How did Markus know all this magic? was their world a magical one? how could he forge a sword "made of pure wind"?

And on that subject, why does Lucas have the ability to use so many different magical powers, yet his affinity is wind? how does his dad know all this stuff?

How could Xerarok create this black hole of darkness? what made him so powerful? why was he doing that? what was his motivation? who was he, and why should I care?

This kid is nineteen years old - younger when he was taking on Xerarok. how the hell does he understand the balance of light and darkness? that's a really intense concept that could take years and years of theorizing - or he could just be a Sora, and he's no Sora (nor should you try and make him a Sora). him being the world's "only hero" is really quite far-fetched and makes him out to be too much of a prodigy. I don't like it.

No powers of darkness, no summoning that stuff from his heart. how would he understand all that stuff? who taught him? how did he come to that conclusion? was he just really smart and talented and such? if the answer to that question is "yes," then you really need to take him down a notch; he is much, much too young.

He wasn't even nineteen yet and his team was THE BEST Guardian Squad? no. take out all of him being "the best" at anything. go towards realistic, not fantastically heroic.

His spirit could not teleport him to another world. the only modes of transportation between the worlds are portals of darkness, gummi ships, and the Keyblade-type vehicle that Ven, Terra, and Aqua used. Lucas would only have access to a portal of darkness, and not one that he conjured; he'd just fall into the darkness and wake up on Radiant Garden.

How did he meet Glacio? that was never explained, and thus I am reluctant to give you permission to have them meet. Glacio I understand that you're okay with the two of them meeting - I would have preferred you PM me rather than put it on this profile (in fact, I'm going to delete your post after I'm done with this one) - but since Lucas doesn't have a historical reason for meeting him before entering this RP, I would prefer the two of you just RP this out instead if/after Lucas gets accepted. on that note, you need to take away "Glacio's unique gem" from your items; he cannot summon Glacio without knowing him, and besides, how did Glacio make that item anyways? how could he do that, how could he understand magical properties to that extent? it's all very contrived and thrown together.

Grammer.
clean it up. Use spell-check frequently. Use the right spacing after periods and make sure you're putting commas in the right place. This needs to be nice and shiny clean, as it is a formal profile that I am judging.

This is a lot to go through, and since school has started, we're both really busy. I'm going to give you six days to go through this and edit what you can before I look it over again.

6 days to edit or hear from you.

[neowulfkh]

OK I think I did better this time

[Ren]

Okay, we've still got a ways to go.

Powers
Recovering 5 MP per post in-battle is sort of... excess. Does he recover MP outside of battle? While sleeping? Anything of that sort? If you're not sure how to do the MP counter, please look through some accepted profiles that use the MP way to clear some things up.

Let me make this more clear. Get rid of all abilities that aren't wind-based - so Thunder has to go (though Cura may stay). Also, get rid of half of his abilities since he has a ridiculous amount as of right now. If you decide to keep Mirage Storm, you'll have to tone it down quite a bit.

History
I still don't like Markus being the town's "best magical swordsman." Why isn't everyone magical? Why on earth can't that be a thing? All of this still sounds a bit contrived, like it just happened to be that Lucas's dad was the best and thus Lucas received the best training. I still don't like it very much.

Xerarok's history still sounds a bit... contrived, as well, but at least he's got a reason for him going crazy, instead of no reason at all.

It only took Lucas's team - who were all still in high school at this point - a week to track down this guy? Seriously? You are intent upon making Lucas far beyond the norm.

Well yeah, Lucas would be the only one Brook had met with "complete balance within himself," they'd been around a bunch of high schoolers, and being very young herself she probably didn't even know what "complete balance" looked like.

Grammar
There are still a lot of random commas with no spaces after them, as well as other grammatical errors. Please take some more time to clean it up.

All in all, it feels like you're trying to convey that Lucas is a perfect character - perhaps not the best swordsman or magician, but the best when it comes to pureness of heart and good intentions. Not only is that completely unrealistic, but there is no space for him to grow as a character on this RP site. What would he have had to learn? Does he have no character flaws, except for him loving his friends and family too much, which is hardly a flaw at all? Does he have no vice of pride or greed or gluttony or laziness or wrath or envy? Is his only flaw him being too good? If that is the case, y'all need to make some major character adjustments to make him more relatable, instead of this do-gooder what can do no wrong. Read through the personalities of accepted characters - canon and original - to see if you can find some flaws that don't include "too nice."

5 days to edit or ask questions.

[Ren]

Well, it's been six days now, and no sign of you, so I'm going to reject this.