In a cataclysm known as the Nightfall, the worlds were almost completely destroyed by a harrowing surge of darkness.
In the shadows of the ensuing chaos a new group has taken shape. Led by an Aegyl named Kalos, the 11th Hour touts an esoteric knowledge of how to combat the darkness and restore the worlds. They might be the worlds’ best chance at survival; but nobody really knows enough about them to confirm or deny their claims.
On the brink of collapse, the universe holds its breath in anticipation. Of restoration? Of destruction? It is up to individuals like yourself to decide.
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Hey Marrow, I'm Ren, and I'll be assisting you with your profile.
Firstly and most importantly: RP Sample. Where is it? If you've never had an application accepted here before, it is absolutely mandatory, no exceptions. I can't even consider this profile for acceptance if it doesn't exist. Get on that.
All right, now for the more nitpicky things.
Powers/Abilities So, he only knows two spells from this hefty spellbook right now. How long does it take one to learn a spell? Do they have to practice it along with its memorization? If the most devastating of spells can be performed with simply memorization and concentration, we've got a problem. Explain to me how he learns them; how many hours/how much time must he spend in order to learn each new spell? Once you've figured that out, be creative and transfer the terms so it's applicable in this sort of RP. I have other problems with his spellbook and what not, but I'll address that when I get to his history.
Appearance Your very first sentence leads me to believe that Rashida's just a normal-looking fellow, which is nice; but then you go on to say that he "[gives] the girls something to look at," which implies more attractiveness than you had let on in the first sentence. It's a bit of a contradiction, because honestly, a normal-looking person doesn't make people's heads turn to observe them in a positive way. Also, this guy's fourteen years old and was only training with the sword for four years, yet he's "rippling with muscles." That's a bit ridiculous and unrealistic. Clean it up - whether it's making him more normal-looking or being a daredevil and seeing if you can sneak by a very "attractive" (if one's into that) fellow. I don't recommend the latter. Also also, he can be fairly skilled with the sword, that's fine; but he doesn't have to by any means be "ripped." It takes ages of training and a highly mature body for that sort of image. Him being fourteen... well, that doesn't quite work at all.
History My biggest problem is the lack of explanation of how Rashida's father got a hold of such a spellbook and knows how to use the lore. Is it something he learned from his father or mother? How did human beings "find" magic anyways? What exactly is this Magespeak and how did it come to be?
Whoa, I did not see the "famous mercenary pair" plot twist coming. That would have surely had more of an impact on Rashida's past than that simple passing sentence; and also, how were they famous? What exactly did they do as mercenaries? Why did you feel the need to even add that in, as it seems like something you just threw in there as a sort of deus ex machina in order to get Rashida on his own? The policy for histories is that if it seems like there is no logical reason for something to exist, take it out. The surprise "whoa guess what you have famous mercenaries for parents oops" is not even close to a necessary one. Figure out a way to properly integrate it, or get rid of it entirely and figure out a different ending to his history. My two cents? He didn't even need to separate from his parents. There could have just been a huge attack by the Heartless, they could've been separated, and in the ensuing chaos, Rashida could've fallen through a Heartless portal and into another world, like most. (I've never heard of somebody falling asleep in a peaceful setting and just suddenly waking up in another world, and I'm not so sure that that works.) However, it's quite up to you.
In conclusion, while this profile is still very logical and full of good flaws for Rashida to work through - as well as him not being too overpowered - there are obvious things that need to be amended or even taken out altogether. Let's also not forget our RP sample, now; I absolutely cannot accept this profile without it.
Six days to edit or hear from you if you've got questions.
I'm going to make something clear: Don't explain the edits I ask you to make in a reply post. Just fix your profile. No explanations are wanted or necessary. If you have to explain to me something outside of the profile itself, it's alerting me that something is wrong with the profile where you can't make it clear enough. All I want in reply posts are a heads-up that you edited it, and then I can look through it on my own. An important rule of writing is always assume the reader is as or more intelligent than you and knows what you're trying to get across. Show me you can take the critiques I give you by putting them into your profile; don't just tell me the answers without editing.
I don't want to see an apology or anything in your next reply either. All your reply should be is a "hey man I edited my profile go take a look." That's it. Replies are there for me to see that you are alerting me when you edit your profile. If you've got something to add about your character, add it in the application itself, not the reply. Show, don't tell.
Questions are fine, in terms of replies, and ask away if something is confusing you; explanations are not. Don't explain, just edit the profile and explain what you need to there. I'll catch it. Protip for the future. Also, if you reply to me and you haven't edited your profile, this gives you an excuse to double post in the future to alert me when you have finally edited. Double posting is ill advised in this forum. It throws application checkers off when you reply just to explain, rather than to let them know that you've edited.