Kogom Hernan

[Deleted]

Name: Kogom Hernan


Nickname: None


Age: 25


Gender: Male


Species: Werewolf


Position: Chaotic Neutral, siding on evil


Powers/Abilities/Techniques/Skills:
Human form:
Kogom has mdium speed and endurance, making him a basic fighter. However, he has a LOT of energy and can perform lots of moves without losing much strength or stamina.

Charge: Moving at a fast pace, Kogom tackles the opponent down. This attack is easy to miss and is meant to start his assault.

Drop!: If the opponent is on the ground, Kogom wil perform an elbow drop to the stomach. This attack is hard to avoid and deals high moderate damage. However, if dodged, Kogom has dealt damage to himself.

Beatdown: Kogom will toss an opponent intom a wall then charge into them. Another strike that is easy to dodge, but still has good chances to conect with the opponent never the less.

Limit Break(s)- BEGONE FOOL!: If Kogom is almost down for the count, He can unleash this surge of energy, Kogom will charge after the opponent and perform an endless assault for a whole turn, finishing off with a shot from his pistol. This attack deals MASSIVE damage, but leaves him open for a turn to cooldown(for him. you attack him then).

Aerial Insanity: This move requires a LONG time to be activated, due to it being activated by bloodlust. This bloodlust takes about 15 battles to finally begin to activate.Kogom tosses his opponent into the air and fires a pistol shot straight at them for massive damage. He then finishes up by using an elbow drop when they land. The attack is very powerful, but he cannot perform another attack for another turn.

Wolf form:
This is Kogoms "Glass Cannon" mode. Kogom becomes very fast, but can only take a few hits. s a wolf, Kogom deals mostly claw slashes and bites, and doesnot perform ranged attacks.

Get down: Kogom will pounce on the opponent and bite them where they can. This attack is hard to miss, and the results on his strike can vary depending on who he fights.

Tail whip: a basic stun move where Kogom strikes the opponent with his tail. The attack deals no damage, but the opponent is unable to strike next turn if struck.

Drag: Kogom charges at the opponent and bites their leg. He then proceeds to spin them and toss them at the ground. The attack is hard to avoid, but leaves the opponent AND Kogom disabled the entire next turn.

Limit Break-Satans Hour: Kogom howls into the night, stunning the opponent. With ferocity, Kogom dashes and strikes eleven times, then ends with a bite to the neck and toss to the ground. The attack will leave opponents completely dazed, while Kogom will be tired and rest for one turn.

Canus Spiral: Kogom begins to spin in the air towards the opponent. when coming in contact, the opponent shall be struck 15 times with weak attacks that are high damaging. The Attack leaves Kogom dizzy for one turn.
Weapon/Items:
Dueling Pistol: An old gun that can only hold a single shot.

Claws: The Obvious weapon of the wolf and other creatures similar to it.

Fangs: A Wolfs best friend, able to sink into most materials of weak strength.

Appearance:
Human: Kogom is 5 foot 7 inches with pale skin and green eyes. His hair is a combination of brown and blonde, and is ragged with a few inches down his neck. His outfit is a red Polo Shirt, with a claw scratch on the lower right sector. His pants are a basic bleached blue, frayed at the bottom and whitened at the kneecaps. The Shoes he wears are blue sneakers. A ear ring can be seen in his right ear, and he wears a brown belt with a holster on it. A pistol of sorts can be located in the holster.

Wolf: Kogom becomes a silver grey wolf with a slash on it's left side and red eyes to convey darkness. The right ear is slightly raggedy. His nose is a clean wet black, and his teeth are a clean white with pink at the points. The tail has a stream of white spiraling to the tip. The Underbelly is a very light grey. The fur overall is rather clean and well kept. He has a stance of dark pride, and is standing at the height of 2 foot 4 inches and is 3 foot 6 inches long, with the width of his body being about 11 inches and 1 centimeter.

Personality:


Original World: Traverse Town
Current World: Traverse Town


History:Kogom was born to a family that stayed out of peoples site, due to a curse they owned. 3 decades before Kogoms father was born, his grandfather had angered a user of extreme magic. Thus, they family was cursed to become ravenous creatures at night.
When Kogom was born, the family had begun to "Domesticate" and control the curse. Kogom spent his first few years with the only major event being his grandfathers passing. Once he became 5, the curse went from being sporadic to it's normal effect. He spent the nights being voilent in his home, a luxurious home of basic beauties.
His parents elped him slowly control his actions, and he could be like a pet the few hours before sunlight arose. He loved the idea of this transformation, and wished to share it once he began to go to school. However, his parents naturally forbid it, due to their idea that people will bring harm upon them. so he spent his first years in school away from others, making hima quiet person. By the time he reached the age of ten, no one paid him attention outside the family, and he was content with this.
He began to feel like he didn't need these relationships. after another year, his mother caught a disease that left her with only a week left to live. Kogom decided to sta from school and spend it with his mother until the final hour of her life. He did not truly understand how and why this happened, and blamed it on those who were "normal" . People who weren't curse were trying to end them, and they started off with his mother. He figured his father was next, and then he would be ended. He began to train himself to fight with determination, and taught himself basic fighting moves. Anyone who got near him was soon to be in trouble due to this idea.
when he was twelve, a girl caught his eye. She was sweet, and kind, and beautiful. He had ideas that perhaps he overeacted to his mothers death, and began to try and befriend her. Within about 6 months, he had become best friends with her. They spent every moment they could together, and hated being seperated. A common activity they shared was a love of plays and dance, leading to his fascination of it.. This setting of best friends stayed until they were each 18. They bega to have a full on relationship, and Kogom finally decided to tell her about his secret.

She reacted...negatively.

She broke up with him in fear, and asked him to never see her again. Kogom was devastated by this. He tried to rekindle what he had destroyed, but he could never hope to succeed. He spent 2 years trying to do this, and eventually he came to a decision. Humans can never be trusted and are foolish. He never called himself a human due to the curse. He vowed vengeance on the world that had given him this fate. He got himself an ancient weapon, a dueling pistol, and began his hunt for vengeance.

[Ren]

Hey, Corriban, it's Ren, and I'll be assisting you with your profile.

Powers/Abilities.
About Beatdown - how would just a "charge" and an "assault" cause a victim to lose 25% of their strength? Wouldn't it make more sense just to say "this attack hurts" and leave the outcome up to the other RPer, to avoid god-moding?

For Kogom's limit break, how does it come about? All you say is "filled with rage." Does he have to be particularly angry for it to be accessible? How many times can he use it a fight? I would say only once per fight, and I'd extend the cooldown to at least two posts, since limit breaks are really powerful, for the most part.

For all of his attacks that involve his pistol: how could he ever perform them more than one time a battle, considering his pistol only holds one shot at a time? Does he need to spend a turn or two reloading? If that's the case, please state so, and also mention how he wouldn't be able to use any other moves during the turn in which he's reloading.

What do you mean by "Glass Cannon" mode? I don't understand the reference or what you are trying to say. I assume you mean that this is when he's extremely powerful, but also very susceptible to other attacks; but it's not very clear if that's what you mean.

For the "Get down" attack, why would the limbs of his victims only be paralyzed for one turn? Shouldn't that be left up to the disgression of the victim, considering that every RP fight scenario is different? And how did you decided that a torso bite would leave them with 25% less speed? Wouldn't that make more sense if he bit their legs?

On his wolf form in general: Throughout the entire profile you never specifically mention when and how his wolf transformation is brought on. There are points where you say vaguely "at night," but what dictates night? When the sun goes down? When it's completely beneath the horizon? What about in places where there is no sun? Are there exact times? Are there estimations? I'm going to assume that he can't just "will" himself between forms, because that would be very god-moddish. So dictate some parameters for this wolf form of his in a way that makes sense.

Personality/Alignment.
When speaking of his alignment, you mention that he's "Chaotic Borderlining insane Evil." There is absolutely no mention of any sort of insanity in his personality. By all accounts, Kogom just seems like a misled, angry young man, but still with some remnants of a moral compass. His alignment seems much more "chaotic neutral" in this sense, as he does whatever he wants, but he doesn't seem to want to actually hurt anybody. He also doesn't seem to know what he wants at all; I don't feel like I know this character at all from his personality. What are his motivations? "Vengeance against the world"? If that's the case, you've got to state that in his personality and expand upon it. Even though this section just barely clears the word count, I feel like you could put more effort into explaining Kogom's personality.

History.
First of all, for aesthetic and ease of reading purposes, you should break up this huge paragraph - which really seems more like a rambling chunk of text - into smaller paragraphs that are easier to navigate.

In terms of back story, I wouldn't mind if you expanded upon who exactly his grandpa was, who the "user of extreme magic" was, and how exactly the former had angered the latter... and also why the latter had bestowed the "wolf form" curse upon them all. That could potentially clear a lot of things up.

At the end of his history, you mention his "hunt for vengeance." It all seems very... contrived. He doesn't seem evil, just angry and misled and whatnot. If you really want him to be evil, you've got to do more to expand upon the "vengeance" concept, as it's a potentially interesting one that could be put to good use in the hands of a villain. This is more of a complaint of his personality, but I digress. Kogom seems, at this point, more of a sketch of a character that you might want to have instead of a finished profile.

I'm going to give you six days to edit / reply to this profile, since you've got a lot you need to work on.

[Deleted]

I've fixed up his abilities, and spread out his History, but I can't figure out what to do with personality(and I can't think of how hid grandfather brought down the curse).

[Ren]

All right, sorry it took so long to get back to you.

There are several things I asked you to fix that you did not end up fixing. I'm going to quote myself and erase the paragraphs of the things you did fix.

Nov 10, 2012 17:41:17 GMT -4 Ren said:

Powers/Abilities.
For Kogom's limit break, how does it come about? All you say is "filled with rage." Does he have to be particularly angry for it to be accessible? How many times can he use it a fight? I would say only once per fight, and I'd extend the cooldown to at least two posts, since limit breaks are really powerful, for the most part.

For all of his attacks that involve his pistol: how could he ever perform them more than one time a battle, considering his pistol only holds one shot at a time? Does he need to spend a turn or two reloading? If that's the case, please state so, and also mention how he wouldn't be able to use any other moves during the turn in which he's reloading.

On his wolf form in general: Throughout the entire profile you never specifically mention when and how his wolf transformation is brought on. There are points where you say vaguely "at night," but what dictates night? When the sun goes down? When it's completely beneath the horizon? What about in places where there is no sun? Are there exact times? Are there estimations? I'm going to assume that he can't just "will" himself between forms, because that would be very god-moddish. So dictate some parameters for this wolf form of his in a way that makes sense.

So obviously you missed quite a bit and need to fix 'er up.

In terms of personality: it looks like you just completely deleted it? I hope you saved it somewhere, because you could definitely build up off of what you had before; there was no need to delete it all. I would explain on what you could do to build it up, but at this point I can't even remember what his personality was exactly and, since you deleted it, I have no idea how you could build up on that. Please put his personality back in - either by just re-using your old one with any edits you might deem necessary to explain his "evilness" a bit more thoroughly, or you can completely rewrite it. It's your choice.

I'm not entirely fussed about his history; you explain things well enough, even if there are plot holes that I pointed out. Just fix the abilities and the personality and you'll be good to go.

Five days to edit or ask questions.

[Zephiris]

Corriban, have you noticed Ren replied? One day to hear from you, otherwise this will be rejected.

[Zephiris]

Rejected for exceeding time limit. Feel free to repost.