Momaile

[miomae]

Name: Momaile (pronounced Moe-my-lee)

Nickname: The Lonely Alchemist

Age: 22

Gender: Male

Species: Taoreta. (A human but with magnificent black wings. The traits are explained at the beginning of the history.)

Position: Whoever is winning.

Powers/Abilities/Techniques/Skills:

Elemancy (AKA Master Alchemist): Allows him to control any element with little to no thought. He mostly uses it to control minor things like paint. Requires 5 Magic points. No cooldown needed unless used more than 5 consecutive times in a single thread or used to control something crazy like antimatter.... Cooldown is due to overuse.

Timeshift: Makes all damage done to the party during the last 10 posts in battle reverse. Requires All Magic points. Cooldown: 5 posts. Powers category.

Wing Shield: Wraps his surprisingly indestructible wings around his body to use as a shield Cooldown: 3 posts. Abilities category.
Note: Never bothered with magic because he could just use the elements in the room to create the effect of any magic.


Limit Breaks:

Offense Oblivion:[/u] Mixes one of each offensive item in his inventory (such as a fire gem, ice gem, etc.) to create a very heavy attack. Depends on how many items there are to mix, depends on how many posts he will need to take off. Every 5 items used= 1 post needed taken off to mix the items together.

Ultimate Defense:[/u] Mixes one of each defensive and healing item in his inventory to create the ultimate defense. Same rules from Offense Oblivion apply here.

Weapons/Items:

Weapons
Exile's Blade: This blade was crafted by a man who was exiled from his homeland and needed something to protect himself with. Each successor of the blade killed the last to get it. The sword was wielded by so many people clouded by darkness that it eventually became imbued with the power of darkness itself.

Items:

Because he is a master alchemist he can create the following items from just about anything.

Potion, Hi-Potion, Mega-Potion, X-Potion, Remedy, Dispel Tonic, Phoenix Down, Mega-Phoenix, Ether & Elixir.

Picture:

Appearance: Momaile has ginger hair, yellow eyes, and pale skin. His tux is made from the same material that a member of Organization XIII's coats are (to shield him from darkness of course.) He has kind of a dark aura about him, but it seems to also be a light aura as well. He has a symbol you on the right shoulder of his tux an it is known as Maleficent's Mark. He wears it to show his loyalty to Maleficent. He has a golden ring on his right index finger, and he wears black sneakers. His other outfit consists of purple biker gloves, a purple wizards' hat and a purple robe.

Personality: Momaile doesn't show anybody his true emotions because he feels they are a weakness. And despite his fear of death, he is in constant need of excitement, so that's why he positions himself with whoever is winning. He has a fear of death, yet he needs excitement.... He figured yes join the fight between light and dark, because if he stays in the shadows, and not let anyone know him, he could switch sides to whoever is winning at any given point and nobody would be able to say that he was a traitor. He could even use his mastery of alchemy to create a fake body to fake his own death when he wanted to switch. This course of action unfortunately, leads a very lonely life. He never lets himself get close to someone, because then that creates a weakness for his enemies to get at him with. Momaile's fear of death is his curse, because it lead him to his lonely life.

Original World: Shinsei.

Current World: The World That Never Was

History: Momaile's original world was called Shinsei. The people there, after years of gene splicing, eventually became divided into two types of people. The Tenshi and the Taoreta. When a woman gave birth, she gave birth to twins. One was a Tenshi, and the other was a Taoreta. They're basically the same, except Tenshi wings are pure white, whereas a Taoreta's wings are dark black. The Tenshi side of this ancient race tended to be aligned to the light, whereas Taoretas tended to be aligned with the dark. Hence the difference in wing colors.

Momaile was born in Shinsei, but him and his brother were sent away by their mother at the age of eight because their world was devoured by a deep darkness, controlled by some Taoreta's heartless. This heartless was known as Hakujona (Haku for short.) Him and his brother landed on a world known as Albion. Momaile and his brother went their separate ways then.

When someone finally took him in, he tried to train in the magical arts, but he failed in being able to cast any form of magic, so he began to train to be a master alchemist. He trained under many alchemists in Albion, and then, 10 years later, at the time of the great purge (a purge of all magic and/or magical beings in Camelot), Momaile was targeted because he was a Taoreta. Momaile's master sent him away to live with Shinji Akiyama in the land of Alchemists.

Under Shinji's teachings, Momaile learned much more about the art of alchemy than he ever could have under his previous master's teachings. It proved to be difficult in handling Momaile because he didn't show any emotions, and just kept the same constant emotionless gaze, but he managed.

A few years passed and Momaile had learned everything Shinji had to teach, so he said goodbye, and left. He had many travels, and among those journeys, he found a datebook that had the power to send him back in time, all he needed to do was write a date & location down and it would take him there. And to return, he merely needed to erase the date from the book.

He influenced the outcome of many historical wars, and even played a role in the Key-blade wars. He often searched for another date book that allowed him access to the future, but could not find it anywhere. So when Maleficent came to him and offered him the future datebook in exchange for his services as her bounty hunter/assassin, how could he refuse?

When she caught wind of the execution of the Uchihas, Maleficent sent him back to the moment after their deaths to extract a set of eyes from the dead family so that she could forge a blade that had the optical prowess of the mangekyo sharingan. He did so, but instead of a set, he only gave her one, claiming that it was hard enough to steal one eye let alone two eyes. She accepted the eye, giving him the benefit of the doubt. A mistake on her part.

He really did take two eyes but kept one eye for himself, using his mastery of alchemy to replace one of his eyes with one that possessed a mangekyo sharingan. He also bound the owner of the eyes' soul to his.

A few years after this happened, Maleficent's weapon was completed, but soon after, one of her other subjects (Miomae, who is also Momaile's brother) decided that Maleficent wasn't worthy to possess this weapon, and fled with it. Being her bounty hunter, young Momaile was assigned to retrieve Miomae, and the sword.

Momaile eventually ended up sending Miomae to the realm of darkness, and failed to retrieve the sword from him. Momaile is now running from Maleficent and currently takes up residence in The World That Never Was.

Role Playing Sample: It had been a few days since Maleficent had sent him to retrieve Miomae and the Sharingan blade, and Momaile started to see that if he waited any longer, his job could prove to be difficult.

"If you're going to strike him, just do it already!" some voice in the back of his head said. (This voice is the girl's whose soul he bound to his)
"Shut up Hime. I'm working." he replied. (He nicknamed her Hime because she wouldn't tell him her real name.)

"No you shut up! I could be in paradise right now, but you bound my soul to yours, so you'd better deal with it!!!"

"You are impossi-...." he stopped, mid-sentence. He saw Miomae with his friends approaching. "We need to change our position." he told her. He changed their position and continued to observe his target.

"Ya know, you claim you truly feel no emotion, but I've seen what is in your head. You're even capable of love."

"Then you would know how aggravating you are right about now! I swear, if I knew you'd be so annoying, I'd never have bound our souls! Now... Be quite!"

"What do you say?"
"Ugh.... Please....."
"Ask and you shall receive! I was tired anyway..." Hime told him. He was having trouble with understanding how she was a ghost and all, but after waiting a couple of seconds, he told himself that now was as good a time as any, and revealed himself to them. As soon as the group saw him, they jumped back, and got into offensive positions.

"You were dead. We saw you! But now you're not dead!" Itami said.

"Deary, I'm a master alchemist. I simply created a body from scratch and let you believe I was dead. I do it a lot, especially when I have a change of hearts and switch sides during a war. How else do you think I've survived so many?"

"Make sense!" Miomae said.
"I don't see a reason to explain myself to you. All you need to know is that in five seconds, you will collapse from inhaling the toxin I've just released into the air. Do you think you can hit me before you collapse?" he said. Firefly tried to do a jump attack at him but sure enough she collapsed, along with the others.
"No doubt you're slightly confused Anko, what with all your antibodies. This is the perfect paralysis venom. I only created one vial of antibodies for it, and I used it all on myself. The effects of this toxin I've released only last 5 minutes, so don't worry. Now Miomae, I'd really appreciate it if you would come back to Maleficent. And if you brought the Sharingan Blade with you too I would be even more grateful."

"Ha! Don't make me laugh! You see, unlike you, I'm actually loyal! Whereas you switch sides at any given moment!!! And I don't think the person who had the eye before you stole it and put it into a sword would be very happy you took it to Maleficent!"

"Actually I do have the woman's permission. And you're not as loyal as you'd like to think. Remember the Shinra corporation? Of course you don't! As soon as you left you forgot all about them!"

"Impossible to both of your accusations."

"Wrong again! And is that any way to treat your sibling Momaile?" Hime giggled at Momaile.

"It doesn't matter. However, what does matter is that you'll be coming back to Hollow Bastion with me." Momaile told him.
He tried to walk towards Miomae so as to carry him back to his gummi ship, but as soon as he tried to move, he found that he couldn't, because he too, was paralyzed. Momaile looked at his shadow.

"Hmmm." Hime said. "Looks like shadow possession jutsu to me!"

[miomae]

When this character is accepted (however long that may take) I would like to go through the RP academy. My role-playing skills are not very good at all.

[Zephiris]

Unfortunately we have a shortage of RP Academy instructors. If you want to PM me, though, I can give you some tips. You're fine, just need some fine tuning here and there. I'll let you know of someone displays interest in helping you out in the Academy.

However, we keep a close eye on our humanoid Nobodies. They have the capability of being very powerful, because they are the biproduct of a being with immense darkness. My suggestion for you would be to make this character human or at least not a Nobody. This is your first character, and you're still a bit rough around the edges with RPing itself. ;]

I also, unfortunately, can't allow you to use a world from outside Kingdom Hearts or your own imagination. You refer to Full Metal Alchemist in your history. Please remove this.

Other small details before we move on;
Break up huge blocks of text into paragraphs. On WD we space paragraphs by tapping the 'enter' key twice, so please edit your RP sample and History accordingly to make them easier reads.

I'll wait seven days to hear from you.

[miomae]

Cool! Now I know!!!!!!
G.I.JOE: And knowing is half the battle! *runs off to G.I.JOE theme song*

[miomae]

Character Modified!!! This one probly makes more sense than the original character sheet did anyway!

[Zephiris]

I'm sorry, but I still can't easily read the places such as the History and RP sample sections. Do you understand what I say by 'break into paragraphs?' Try looking at a some of our threads on WD, and take note how we make new paragraphs for new topics/thoughts/speakers. Like I said, we space with two taps of the enter key. You didn't edit that in your RP Sample.

[miomae]

Modified! Sorry about the previous paragraph discombobulations. I've always been bad with stufb like that. Anyway, now awaiting instructions!

[Ellie who has 0%]

Hello I am Ellie and I shall be assisting you.

Elemancy - Define Any element. In this intermediate to advance rp, we expect our rpers to be as detailed as possible; throughout the years, we've learned that being terribly vague especially with abilities and powers can lead to free reign and possibly abuse such as God Modding and Metagaming. Having a profile open enough to gateway to these issues can heavily affect your experience rping with others.

In the world of Kingdom Hearts, when elements is mentioned we think of the typical magic spells, so clarify what you're referring to because I got lost when paint is mentioned. Also define how each element function and be aware of that you will not have the most powerful character around. As staff members we are concerned with the control a newcomer can have over their characters without falling into typical god modding issues.

Timeshift: I do not comprehend what this means or it mechanics. Please elaborate.

Wing Shield: I do have a problem with indestructible wings. Everyone have an Achilles' heel and a weakness, so I'm pushing you to remove that detail.

Offense Oblivion: My problem with this is that
a.) You do not have a clear list of his inventory of these gems, and as a writer you cannot expect your readers to know and understand your intent when it's not fully written out.
b.) You do not have a limited amount of the contents for he lacks the illusion of an endless bags of goodies.
c.) There's too many variables as in the damage can vary depending on how much he uses, and you don't have a detailed summary of how it functions.

These same issues applies to Ultimate Defense.

Exile's Blade
You mention the power of darkness; elaborate. How does it affect other people?

Also he cannot just makes such items from just about anything. It would just be problematic of your character being able to constantly heal himself in battle with the unrealistic (and not mentioned) limitations of his inventory.

Appearance:
Omit the detail of the organization coat; they are the only ones to have it (except Moogles in game play), so it's an exclusive item. Also you mention Maleficent; you should get permission from Maleficent's rper, me, to use her in your profile. It is very unfair and against our rules to use canons in your profile WITHOUT consent. Why?

You're practically forcing a relationship to exist, so now my character knows someone without my knowing. If you'd like to interact with a canon that isn't being played, then by default you cannot have interactions with them, because there's no one to be held accountable for the canon's actions.

Personality:
A tip from writer to writer...do not be over repetitive. You already mentioned he fears death and have a lonely life. Readers should understand it, and repeating yourself will not help you reach the word count. So I want you to try again in this section. Remove all the repetitions, and try to answer the following.

Why doesn't he show his emotions?
Why does he feel they are weaknesses?
What brought about this mentality?
How does he act around people if he isn't genuine?
How well does he work with others, since he flip sides for his best interest?
Why does he needs excitement? Explain this because it's seems contradictory for a man in fear of death to be a sketchy persona by switching sides. It doesn't sound like the best plan of survival, so I'm questioning your concept.

Remove the creating a fake body. Stuff like this should be in his power section, and this only concerns me more because I foresee that there may be more to this character than you're showing. You have him creating false bodies and unknown limit of elemental magick.

History:
Sorry I cannot believe the reality of 'gene splicing' of ...wing colored people. I don't mean to be all scientific, but something so minute of wing color ...those work that way in genealogy. I think you're biting more than you can chew...with your own understanding of these things, and really in the world of KH one's feather color shouldn't dictate one's affiliation with light and darkness, that's more of a personal development not genetics.

How were they sent away to another world?
Why did the brothers went their separate ways? They were only 8 years old...and even to mention they're twins, who tend to have strong bonds than typical siblings. If you had a sibling at 8 and was thrust from the only world you know, and he was your only family member left, would you simply go your separate way?

What's the world Albion like?
When was he taken in and by who?
When did he start trying to learn magical arts and why?
What's the difference between alchemy and typical magic casting? Yes I have an alchemist Rikku, but Final Fantasy defines an alchemist differently than what you're trying to create. SO yes define an alchemist.

Why was there a purge, and why Camelot is randomly mentioned?
Also being a newcomer and foreigner of Albion, would anyone know he's a Taoreta? Actually how did he fit in with these wings? (which I'm still skeptical of why you made them apart of your character, because I don't see a clear good reason of it)

Who was Momaile's master and who is Shinji Akiyama?
What did he learned with his previous master to make this so much different? He's been at this for 10 yrs...which even now I don't understand what he progressed in.
What does not showing emotions have into play with his tutoring-ship?
Actually why doesn't he show any? Thus far I haven't seen anything traumatic in his life to trigger the mindset you portrayed in his history. Actually you didn't even pull anything backlash of an 8 yr old boy loosing his family.

What did he learn from Shinji?
Omit the datebook and everything that comes with it; we do not permit time traveling here. Personally it smells like a deathnote but with dates...

Omit Maleficent



From where this profile is going. You need a lot of work and rethinking; it's to the point that I know you need to rethink the basis of your character ENTIRELY. I do not believe this viability of this character. So for a clean slate, I'm rejecting this profile. Please do not think this is the end. I only do it for you don't feel like you're forced to tweak this profile, this character when you can start anew.

First thing first figure out
+ What character you want to make?
+ What is he or she like?
+ What are his or her goals? Why?
+ What are his or her fears? Why?
+ Is he or she a peoples person? Why?
+ Does he or she work well with others? Why?
+ Where was he or she raised?
+ What was his or her family like?
+ What were key moments of his or her life?
+ What occured during the KH1 and KH2 timeline?

If you need great examples of profiles,

You can check out my Kairi's profile; although she's a canon and have her history cleared by the game, I developed a lot for her to be more of an individual.

Here are some more:
Cadence

Novi

I hope all of this at once doesn't discourage you. Hope to see a better profile from you!

<3 Ellie

[miomae]

Whereas there is a lot wrong with it, I didn't want this to be accepted anyway. My friend corey logged in as me and posted this one before I finished it (he thought it was finished) so I am not discouraged! You will definitely get a character sheet that's 100% awesome out of me next time!

[Ellie who has 0%]

:3 This made my morning!

[miomae]

..... which part made your morning?

[Ellie who has 0%]

Your enthusiasm

[miomae]

sweeeet