Mayra Dawes

[Deleted]

Name: Mayra Dawes.


Nickname: May is easy enough.


Age: Twenty-one.


Gender: Female.


Species: Human.


Position: Lawful Good.


Powers/Abilities/Techniques/Skills:

Being born the child of a well-established weapons , she's paid her dues in the laboratory with him. Given her time spent learning from her father, as well as his naturally inventive genes in her DNA, Mayra has picked up a few rather unique techniques in battle. Not only has she been gifted with dexterity with a sword and is a pretty talented tech-user, Mayra has dabbled in using magic, as well. She focuses on blizzard based attacks. After she trained in physical combat, she felt the need to improve herself. It was a way to pass the time whilst being trapped up in that ward.

(The tech attacks are based off of thunder elemental attacks. I just tried something new, instead of making yet another magically gifted who uses all of the standard spells maxed out, which I kind of ended up doing anyway. Tell me if I need to tone her down a bit.)

Tech Attacks:

• Shield: A tech-shield in summoned, seemingly out of nowhere, consisting of a sturdy fiber glass. It can take mass amounts of damage, though after being used, it needs a reload time of 1 post.
  
  
• Stomp: A disruptive wave of electricity is sent streaming into the ground below Mayra, effecting those within a 5 yard radius. It is somewhat shocking and can cause enemies to stagger off of their feet at times, but is not terribly damaging. 2 post cooldown.
  
  
• Overwhelm: A pulse of energy is blasted at the enemy, overloading most shields that involve magic, leaving the enemy open for attack. However, when used on anything other than shields, it is basically useless. 2 post cooldown.
  
  
• Cloak: A difficult ability to use for Mayra, she uses a cloaking device that is planted in her armor to appear to be invisible for a short time. In a post, it can last for about 10 seconds, which will end up being no longer than one post. Her outline, however, can be faintly detailed if you manage to somehow spot her moving. 5 post cooldown.
  

Magic:

• Blizzard: A chunk of ice is shot straight forward, going through enemies and causing small damage. 1 post cooldown.
  
  
• Freezone: A variation of Stomp, Mayra stomps the ground and sends an icy wave out from her body, knocking back anyone within a 5 yard radius. After being hit, the enemy's movement is slightly slowed. 4 post cooldown.
  
  
• Shard: Rather than using her sword, Mayra summons two ice shards, both at approximately 2.5 feet in length, in her palms. (Similar to Xemnas' Ethereal blades) Each shard does enhanced blizzard damage, but last only for the remainder of the post before disappearing. 3 post cooldown.
  
  
• Blizzaga: A powerful mine attack. A compressed ball of dry ice is summoned, floating in the air. Once an enemy comes within its proximity, The ball implodes, shards of ice flying in all directions and causing immense damaging. 5 post cooldown.
  
  
• Stake: Mayra's most difficult attack. 100 stakes, about a foot in length, are summoned in front of her. They are launched forward at high speed and move in a straight line. Together, they are about 8 feet tall and 10 feet wide. The attack strains Mayra's stamina severely. 8 post cooldown.
  
  
• Cure: A small amount of health and stamina is restored in Mayra. 3 post cooldown.

Passives:

• Swordsmanship: Being trained with a katana after her breakout of the ward, Mayra has a good grasp on how to use a sword, so don't mess.
  
  
• Agility: Being trained through experience, Mayra's time in the ward has taught her to act quickly. She has exceptional reaction time and dexterity, though her armor does slow her down.
  
  
• Paranoia: Though it usually is used as a negative type of description, Mayra uses her constant paranoia as a weapon. She is constantly checking over her shoulder, looking around, ready for an attack.

Weapon/Items:

Gravice: A traditional Chinese katana that Mayra named herself, after the Gravice Detention Ward for the Strange-Minded. It is approximately three feet in length and is always sharpened for maximum damage. The hilt is rather dull and muted in color, being a brownish-gray from being worn in.


Picture:Played by Inori Yuzuriha from Guilty Crown.


Appearance:

Mayra is standing at about 5'9", which is pretty average for a girl -- maybe a little on the tall side, but she doesn't really mind. She is trim and slim, and most of her weight is consisted of muscle, which doesn't show either. Her hair is a very outstanding pink, though it is also subtle in a sense. The shade is rather soft and muted, nothing vibrant, and if you ask, she'll tell you kindly that it is her natural hair color.

Mayra's eyes are very alluring, very pretty to look at. They are a menacing red, contrasting her kind and sweet personality. Her nose is straight as a ski slope, and her teeth are straight. She's pretty blessed, anyone would agree. She isn't hung up on looks though, and doesn't put in too much effort. Typically, you'll find her pink hair put into twin tails.

As for her apparel, you can see Mayra in two different sets of clothing. Her usual apparel is simple -- she wears a black dress. The dress is short yet flowy, and comes down to about the middle of her thighs. Occasionally you'll see her wearing a scarlet red scarf when its cold. She wears boots that reach above her knees, also black in color, with a three inch heels.

When she goes into battle, Mayra summons her armor, which is made out steel for its light weight. It is dyed a dark grey and covers every inch of her body, which the exception of her head. A small pack is inserted into her back for the cloak ability, and a sheath for her sword is attached at her hip.


Personality:


Mayra Dawes was born into a world that wasn't so understanding of her. It didn't take long for the government to lock her father up and send her to the ward, so she was left in an unstable environment to develop as a person, given practically no parenting.

From what she was taught by her parents, Mayra knows to be polite. She is respectful, kind, and sweet by nature, though it isn't the type of sweet you'd expect. Mayra may act sweet, but she's not afraid of violence. In fact, she almost prefers it rather than talking it out. It is a confusing concept for most people to understand, but she's like a strict teacher -- get on her good side and she'll love you forever. Get on her bad side, and watch out.

Aside from that, she's a pretty cautious girl. She watches what she says, what she does, who she says it to, etc. Of course, like the whole idea "Innocent until proven guilty," Mayra follows the same sort of guidelines with people. She'll be unassuming until she finds it fit to do otherwise. Also, Mayra is rather nervous and restive. It comes with the paranoia and the caution, and even though she's kind and rather motherly, her body language says otherwise. Mayra rubs her neck, glances around, taps her feet, things like that. She's nervous, simple as that.

As a person, Mayra is stubborn when it comes to her views on things. She isn't very open minded to others, and her ideas, in her mind, are usually correct. I definitely wouldn't describe her as easily swayed, even though she's so restive. Another thing about her is that she's protective. Protective of herself, her friends, her beliefs. Challenge any one of those, and you'll be dealing with her.

The most noticeable thing about Mayra is that she talks to herself. Nobody has ever looked into whether she has a split personality or not, but Mayra doesn't think so. It would make sense, considering her personality is so far spread on the spectrum. However, the talking to herself was amplified by her times in the ward, emphasizing her strangeness.

Original World: Unknown? Mayra cannot remember.
Current World: On the run-ish --- doesn't linger anywhere for too long.


History:

Mayra has few memories of her childhood. Her father, Waett, was an inventor, and her mother, Seunya, a florist. She knows her mother's warmth as well as her father's humor, but not much else. her only real memories are in her father's lab, watching his hands work. They were like little machines themselves -- so quick, efficient, dexterous. The smell of oil and burning still lingers somewhere in her nose, and Waett's infectious laugh still is engraved in her mind. She started off with such a happy life, so promising. Clearly, it went down hill.

She can only remember her house being inspected by men in black suits, and her father being taken away. Apparently, from what she learned years later, he was tampering with illegal chemicals in his studies, and was given jail time. As for her mother's fate, Mayra cannot remember that, either. Her only memory was being taken to Gravice Detention Ward for the Strange-Minded, being told that she was crazy.

And it went on for years. The nurses would tell her that something was wrong with her, that she was a defective girl. Mayra began to believe that she wouldn't be able to make it into the real world, that she'd be trapped in that hell hole her entire life, like the rest of those girls. But those same crazy girls were what made her life a living hell. She was beaten up repeatedly for being "annoying" and talking to herself, but Mayra couldn't stop her chattering. Instead, she took the beatings.

There were a few friends in there, however. One was an older woman, about sixty, who was wise beyond her years. Mayra knew her as to be wrongfully placed in the ward as well, but the woman, Panna, was clinically insane. No matter, she was gifted in the use of magic, and began teaching Mayra. The two leaned on each other, kept each other company. Panna was bound to a life of loneliness, and Mayra was bound to a life of beatings and misunderstanding.

It wasn't until Panna disappeared that Mayra became truly unhappy. She was beaten up, so she learned to fight. She was isolated, so she learned to cope. She was so bizarre, so she learned to befriend. But take away her only friend, and Mayra was left with nothing. As a last resort, she broke out, killing tens of guards during her escape using the abilities that Panna had taught her. After that, she moved blindly, quickly, and frantically. Half of the time she didn't know where she was -- staking out in the woodlands, living off of the land. It took her weeks to find another actual city.

Mayra thought she was safe. She thought wrong. There were people from the ward posted in the city, searching for her. Mayra actually had her own wanted sign, which was cause for some discerning stares and confused looks. The lone girl wasted no time getting out of there, taking a tram run by the Moogles to Traverse Town.

Since her escape from her home world, Mayra has been moving around constantly. Not once has she had a run in with her past, but never will she let her guard down.


Role Playing Sample:

Eyes were like windows into the soul -- it was a common saying, though Mayra thought otherwise. The way they would grin, glance, jump, squint, widen, they were tells. She thought they were windows into the mind. Just one look and she could tell what someone was thinking, or so she thought.

A petite hand strapped around his neck, nails painted a soothing magenta. His eyes weren't lying. He was suspicious. Too suspicious, and she couldn't risk it. "Do you think he's from the ward? I bet he is...Yeah, so sneaky. Hmph." It was ironic how much power was packed into the tiny girl's body. He couldn't resist, partially because he was facing a swordsman. But the man choked out a denial. Again. Mayra smirked, quickly glancing over her shoulder. She looked back.

Jump.

Her grip tightened, strong with years of fighting. Decades of fighting. "Who're you looking for? Hmm? No one is going to save you. And if they're coming, the only person who'll be escaping with their life will be me." Mayra's lips pursed as she squeeze a little bit harder. She bore her stare into the small, crystalline windows that gave her such insight to his thoughts. Well-aware of his intentions, she thrust her arm outward and released.

The man, a brunette, scrambled to his feet, the newly-formed puddles in the dark alley splashing for a moment. He appeared to be six feet tall, yet so small. "They're coming for you." he spat before turning and fleeing.

The pinkette sighed, running her hand through her hair. Again, she looked over her shoulder. Nothing. Not yet.

She walked.


Questions/Comments/Suggestions? An OC! Grossest RP sample ever, but I hate writing those. x.x But no questions, comments, or suggestions, ily gais~ <3

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Deleted]

Since this was on WIP, I don't know if i should make a post to let you know that this is done or what. xD


Here's said post. :3 No rush on this, I'm willing to wait.

[Ren]

Announcing that your WIP status is up is really thoughtful of you, since I wouldn't have been prone to notice it otherwise.

Anyways, Limi, let's take a look at this.

Powers/Abilities. "Being born the child of a well-established weapons," is your first sentence. I doubt she was born of weapons, so that's probably a typo. I'd assume it was going to be "weapons designer" or something akin to that. If her father taught her - as you allude to in your powers/abilities description - why is there absolutely no mention of him teaching her in her history? You state, explicitly, that she doesn't remember much - so she must've been quite young when they took her away, too young to develop all of these techniques you mention. However, I'll talk more about my gripes with this when I get to the history portion.

Basically, with the moveset you've given her, she can use very advanced Thunder and Blizzard magic, as well as being an excellent swordswoman. That is quite a lot, especially for somebody who was - according to your history - never technically trained, having spent most of her life in that vaguely described institution. My advice? Get rid of either the Tech Attacks or the Blizzard magic, and make her sword mastery less than mastered. (You don't really describe what Tech Attacks are anyways, so I'd get rid of those, since they seem superfluous. Are they specialized moves that originate on her world? What's the deal with them?) What with her history being as it is, she's far too overpowered - especially as a starter character.

Original World. Regardless of whether or not she remembers it, Mayra comes from somewhere, not just unknown. Talk about the place she comes from since you, as her author, should know, and your history doesn't do a very good job of explaining it. Also, you don't give me any good reason for why she wouldn't remember where she came from.

History. My biggest beefs are with this section. In my eyes, it needs a ton of revision. I'll go by it, bit by bit.

You start off by saying her first memories are incredibly vague. You mention nothing of her learning any sort of fighting skills, and since her memory is so shoddy by this point, I can assume she is very young yet when she's taken away to the mental institution - too young to truly have had the skills engraved in her memories. If that's not the case, you've got to say so.

Also, your sense of time in her history is extremely vague, and that doesn't work for when I try to examine how long she spent learning the abilities you said she knows. It's an interesting read from an aesthetic standpoint, but it's not a very good set up for a character application history. Things need to be more concrete.

Over a difficult to discern time frame, Mayra learned magic. Okay, fair enough. Did they have to learn in secret? Did that affect her training at all? How did she learn the physical skills to break out? Inferring from her shoddy memories of her earlier life, and her physical captivity, she should have a rather rough, unrefined fighting style - nothing of the capacity you speak of in her abilities section.

She broke out at a, once again, vague time - at least give me her age - and... discovered a Moogle tram to Traverse Town? Hold on. Those taxi crystals only link to very specific places, not Mayra's obscure world. You mentioned nothing of the world having the capabilities of space travel - and in order to keep the canon of Kingdom Hearts steady, you've got to be fairly convincing with your argument for space travel. There's not just any random "tram" around that links these worlds. These worlds are nigh unlinkable, except for the occasional Gummi vessel and the taxi crystals. Preserving the World Order and all that.

In short, her history is really too vague and wishy-washy for me to really allow a lot of it to pass. It needs a revision, with details filled in accounting for how, where, and why she got all of the abilities she has - as well as her mysterious memory lapse of how she couldn't even remember where she was from. It's well-written, to be sure, but it's far from complete, especially when it doesn't match up - and if it does, it's in the most obscure fashion.

As this needs some work, I'll give you seven days to edit or ask questions.

[Ren]

Rejected per request.