In a cataclysm known as the Nightfall, the worlds were almost completely destroyed by a harrowing surge of darkness.
In the shadows of the ensuing chaos a new group has taken shape. Led by an Aegyl named Kalos, the 11th Hour touts an esoteric knowledge of how to combat the darkness and restore the worlds. They might be the worlds’ best chance at survival; but nobody really knows enough about them to confirm or deny their claims.
On the brink of collapse, the universe holds its breath in anticipation. Of restoration? Of destruction? It is up to individuals like yourself to decide.
A special thank you to ChasingArtwork of Deviantart, who allowed us to use this stellar banner image.
There aren't enough praises in the world I'd like to give to wonderful coders for the Proboards community. The following have contributed to World Destiny in some way: W3 Schools for countless how-tos and countless of other souls who have helped get WD up to where it is.
The icons you see across the site are from FontAwesome, an amazing icon library.
All images on this site belong to their respective owners or creators. Kingdom Hearts: World Destiny does not claim ownership of anything except our unique story.
All Original characters are the intellectual property of their respective RPers. Do not steal any characters or other creative works.
All Canon Characters belong to the Kingdom Hearts franchise, Square Enix and Disney.
Powers/abilities/skills:Concentration (skill) allows him to focus on more then one target Magic-(power) allows him to use fire and portal openings. (Cooldown 7minutes) Agility-(ability) moves quicker and faster and climbs quicker and jumps higher Alchemy- (skill) master of potion making and can identify a medicine Weapon Making-(skill) can design and construct a weapon with ease Dual wielding -(skill)lets him have more then one weapon out at once. Hand to hand combat-(skill) able to fight without weapons Block-(skill) allows him to block attacks and magic.
Weapons/Items:Sawtooth Sword- long sword with sawtooth edges Golden Tomahawk- golden blade with metal body and grip tape A one sling backpack on his back full beacons and test tubes and recipes and raw material to use for potions.
Picture
Appearance Darren is 6 feet and 2 inches tall, he has short spiked brown hair. Has a scar on his left cheek and one on his forearm. With a tattoo of a soaring eagle on his left arm. He has blue eyes and a medium nose. He has a red white and blue bandana around his forehead.
Wears a grey wristband on his right wrist wears a necklace that looks like lizard, wears black boots with flames on them. With a red and black shirt on, and wears a black open jacket with the arms cut off with a wolf embroidered on the back. Wears a silver chain that leads from his left pocket to his left back pocket.
He also wears a black belt around his waist with a holder for his tomahawk. With a white gauze wrapped around his hands to make sure he won't loose a grip and to prevent sweat from making his weapon slip out of his hands.
Personality: He feels compelled to help out anyone in danger that doesn't involve him. His major fears are friendship and love, he feels like if he loses those two things he loses everything. He has a medium confidence level that makes him wonder what he really is made of. He is smart and likes to study about alchemy and loves to learn more about blacksmithing.
He concentrates on his target while in combat. He wants to learn wisdom and philosophy. He loves spending times in the outdoors rather then being inside. He always is looking to make friendships and more confidence. He wants to protect people that are in harms way. He looks for safety for himself so he can relax. He has a sense of humor and likes to joke around. He can also be serious when he has to be. He doesn't like drama between two people unless they are from the dark. He likes to work and build things as fast as possible. He likes to relax at the end of the day and work most of the time.
Original world: Apocolypto - a world where a apocalypse has already happened where constant war starts everywhere.
Current world: Destiny Islands
History: Darren was born February 3rd 1992. When he was four his mother and father protected him when the apocalypse happened to there world that's how the world got the name Apocolypto. When he was at the age of ten he helped his father with the alchemy and blacksmith shops in a village that was rebuilt. At the age of eleven he lost his younger brother to the secret society that was known as the Red Army.From that moment of his life he wanted his brother dead because he went off to the darkness (Red Army). His father taught him how to defend himself if the Red Army came after him.
The Red Army consisted of twenty leaders all with special skills and five hundred regulars. The base was located on the other side of the world. They used powers such as dark aurora and used heartless to try to capture the world. Darren knew what his brother had done to betray his village. The Red Army sent ten men out everyday to collect taxes from the rest of the world. Only one officer accompanied the regular.
Darren believed they don't need leaders, they need protectors from the dark. When he was twelve his father created Dare's tomahawk and sword and taught him how to use it when we was thirteen. From thirteen to sixteen he learned magic and how to use a weapon also he taught Darren how to make his own portals. Meanwhile the secret society rallied around the world collecting taxes and killing the outlaws against them.
Still at the age of sixteen he found out the society was working with the dark. When he heard of it he sent his village away further from the society base. When the society found out they eliminated everyone from that village while Darren was away. At the age of seventeen he went after the society once. He failed his attempt to destroy the society and his brother and was locked up for a year. At the age of eighteen he escaped and gathered his weapons and gear and ran to the farthest point of the broken world.
Still at eighteen he trained by himself with his weapons and his magic. He learned about a potion that would transport the society far away from the worlds . The potion had to be broken combined with a bomb to creat a smoke that could make them be transported. When he was nineteen he finally found everything to build the bomb that would let him achieve his goal. He had no one else on his operation that he was planning to attempt. At the age of nineteen he created a potion that was ready for the attempt. When he turned twenty The heartless has turned on the Red Army and began destroying everything in sight.
Darren fought them off until his brother arrived to kill him. Darren could see his brother was mad with dark power. Darren blocked everything his brother was throwing at him. Darren's brother ran up and tried to strike Darren but when he swung, Darren destroyed him with his tomahawk and watched his brother turn to black dust. Moments later Darren had to get off the world.
Darren ran into his basement of his destructed house and opened a safe full of money. Darren only had to concentrate long enough to transport him away from the broken world. He thought of a peaceful place then opened the portal. The portal was too weak to remain open. Darren then ran through the portal and landed with a face full of sand. When he looked up he saw palm trees and a ocean. For a year Darren built a home and had a alchemy and blacksmith shop combined into one.
Role Play Sample: Darren walked off the beach and towards a restaurant. He walked in and sat at a table and waited for someone to come. "Can I help you?" A waiter asked Darren. " Uh yeah can I have the hamburger and fries with a glass of iced tea?"
"Coming right up."
"Thank you."
Darren sat and relaxed after working a long day at his shop. He watched the people talk and make laughter. Darren thought that this was the best start for him in this world.
"Here you go."
"Thank you sir."
"Is there anything else I can get you?"
"No thank you this is all."
After the waiter walked away he watched a suspicious man walk in the door with a rag on his face. Darren got up and watched the man pull out a knife from his pocket. Darren ran over and disarmed the man from behind and broke his arm in hand to hand combat and pushed him out the door.
"Thanks for saving us." Said the crying cashier.
"It's nothing just be careful of who walks in the door."
After handling the fight he continued with his meal. After his meal was ate he walked outside and walked around the neighborhood before heading home. After a few hours of walking he went home and worked in his backyard relaxing watching the sunset from a distance. Once the night came he turned on his outside lights and walked to his chair in the living room. After watching some tv he dosed off into a sleep and started dreaming. He dreamt about the day when he lost his brother. After having a dark dream he woke up in fear and saw it was two in the morning. " Wow what a dream." He rubbed the sweat off of his forehead and turned off all the lights and headed to bed. The next morning came quickly and he got up and ready for work. He sat at his table and ate cereal and toast as a breakfast. Then he walked away to his shop and unlocked it. "Another day in paradise." He thought. Moments later a lady walked in.
"Hello mam how may I help you."
"Do you have anything that would help a broken leg?"
"Yeah let me look in the back.
Darren walked in the back and pulled a healing potion off the shelf and returned to the lady.
" Is that all?"
"Yes it is."
"Ok that will be twelve munny."
After she gave him the munny he gave her change and she left. Darren then created more potions in the back as the day progressed he was reshaping metal and making pipes for people's plumbing. After that he went to the front and made more sales with his potions. After making his potions he walked over and watched the people walk home and watched kids pass his shop after schools. He realized he was truly happy. Once the end of the day came he went to the beach and found a piece of metal from the ship he crashed. "What in the world?" He thought. He placed the piece in his bag and took it to his home and placed it on the table to examine it more. He looked and saw it was had torn edges and burnt marks on part of it. He left it on the table and moved to get a shower.
Questions/comments/suggestions Need to take more time to think on this hope its good. And now edited
Hey, bmofty, welcome to WD. I'm Ren and I'll be assisting you with your profile.
Before we get started, make sure you bold the titles of each section to make the profile easier to navigate. In case you don't know, the code for bolding is as follows: [b]insert word(s) here[/b]
Powers/Abilities/Skills
You need to explain all of these abilities with a bit more clarity. When can he use them? How long is their cooldown phase? How is "Pure Rage" unlocked? Is that a special Limit Break/Overdrive phase? There are other problems with his abilities, but that mostly involves his history; some abilities of his seem overpowered right now ("destroy an enemy") but I'll reserve judgment until you've added a bit more description.
As for alchemy, since he worked in his dad's alchemy shop for a while, I can believe that he can be an alchemist of sorts. However, you need to be specific of what kinds of potions or what have you that he can make. He can't just magically reach into his bag and make any potion for any occasion; he's got to have a set of recipes that he knows how to work with.
Weapons/Items
What are the exact items for alchemy that he has in his pack? Beakers? A pestle and mortar? Herbs? If he does have herbs, what kinds of herbs, and what are their uses? Other items? Make sure you include lots of detail here; this should go along with the "recipes" I advised you add in for his abilities. Like, in order to make a potion, he needs a drop of maple syrup, a pint of ground up sage leaves, and a dash of poppy seeds. Okay obviously that's not necessarily a REAL potion but you get the point; that's the sort of thing you need to be including.
Appearance
This entire section is a run-on sentence. Slow down, split it up into sentences - even paragraphs if need be. Paragraphs are your friends! Make sure you take advantage of them.
History
All right, this section is where the biggest problems lie. Let me break it down for you.
First of all, for ease of reading, split it up into paragraphs. Reading a chunk of text that's 500+ words in length is not exactly easy on the eyes. It's a bit like writing an essay - even though school essays aren't fun to write, they've got the right idea in separating ideas and concepts into separate paragraphs. Remember, paragraphs are your friends!
What is this secret society? How did they operate, did they have a name, how did they go about accomplishing their goals, why should I care, etc. Also, is "he lost his brother" code for "they killed his brother"? My initial reading of it was more along the lines of "his brother joined the secret society" but then you go off about revenge and taking revenge for somebody else's choices doesn't sound as coherent as taking revenge for their death.
So, when he was ten years old, he started working with his father in the alchemy and blacksmith shops. But a mere two years later he starts to create his own weapons - with seemingly no imperfections? Yeah, okay, he would definitely be creating his own weapons, being the son of a blacksmith, but would he perfect a weapon that quickly with seemingly no errors? Remember, he's twelve years old at this point, which is pretty young.
Along the lines of weapon-building, you mention that he supposedly teaches himself how to expertly wield the tomahawk and the sword. Hold on there for a second. First off, he's still quite young and doesn't come from a background of hard weapon training (you never mention it anyways). How can he teach himself this stuff, let alone become a master of each respective weapon in about a year's time? If he's not a master of these weapons, you should at least mention in his powers/abilities section that his fighting style is still shoddy and rough since he never had a proper mentor, therefore there are a number of ways to break his defenses.
Okay, in the site rules, it's mentioned that access to space travel is sort of forbidden unless you have a gummi ship, and people can't have access to gummi ships willy-nilly. He couldn't have just flown away and ended up in space, that doesn't make sense with the rules and coherency already established by the site. You need to devise a different way for him to get to another world. My suggestion: just have his world get overtaken by the Heartless. Sure, it's overused, but for a good reason: it's one of the only logical explanations for entering into the Kingdom Hearts realm.
There are other problems, but they might smooth themselves over as you go through and edit this; if not, we can just keep nitpicking at this. For now, though, I think what I've told you is enough to keep you busy on this profile for a good while.
I'll give you another week to edit this or respond, since I did give you an awful lot to work on.
This profile is even more problematic than before. Here, I'll break it down again.
Powers/Abilities/Skills
Not only did you not properly explain ALL of the abilities like I asked you to, but you gave him more abilities than are equally unexplained. As this is an RPing site, a cooldown of "seven minutes" can literally mean anything you want it to be; think more of a post count. Like, after seven of his posts, he can use the ability again. Nearly ALL of his abilities should have a cooldown if they're special; like he can block any magic/physical attack, but after he uses Block, he can only use it again after five posts. Your character is pretty overpowered right now, especially considering he should be (in video game terms) around level 5 or so, as he's a beginning character and the point of this site is to give him more space to grow.
What sort of Fire spells can he use? Low level ones I hope. Also, no portal openings; that ability is reserved for members of the Organization XIII or the Dark XII, of which he is neither. I don't know how I feel about him having access to magic at all, as a matter of fact. He's already a proficient weapon wielder (a bit too proficient) as well as a supposed master alchemist.
You also did not include the SPECIFIC recipes he can make. No, he can't make everything. That is impossible and far too overpowered. Think of Kingdom Hearts concoctions; can he make Potions? Hi-Potions? Ethers? What sort of ingredients does he need for EACH of those things? A description of "master of potion making" does not tell me everything he can make. You need to be much more thorough.
Same for the weapons one. What sort of weapons can he make? What materials does he need for each weapon? He can't just pull a weapon out of thin air, y'know, and same with potions; he needs materials, and he's probably better at making some weapons than others. You need to spend A LOT of quality time on this section, adding every little detail about how his abilities work where you can.
After you've done what I asked, I'll look at the rest of the abilities and determine if they're overpowered or not.
Weapons/Items
You still haven't given specifics of what's in his pack. How many test tubes? What are the raw materials? What are the recipes (of course, the recipes themselves could go under abilities). I cannot stress this enough when I say BE THOROUGH.
History
How does his father know magic? Was it a common occurrence on his world? Is his father a blacksmith, an alchemist, AND a magician? If so, his father is very overpowered and I cannot abide. Also, there is no way his father taught him how to use portals ON TOP of all of that. No way. No portal abilities for either of them.
The Red Army cannot use Heartless. They can use their own abilities, but the only people we know for sure could use Heartless are the Dark XII and the Hellfire Council (Disney characters). Anything other than that is twisting the canon.
There is no potion in existence that is so powerful to transport a society away from the world, and there is absolutely no way a nineteen year old could make such a potion. Take that out, change it to something else that makes more sense.
Okay, there are other issues, but I'd like to see you smooth these over first.
RP Sample
So Darren just... broke the guy's hand? Just like that? I didn't know he knew the body well enough to break a hand; are you giving him that ability as well? It's overpowered and doesn't make sense.
Okay, in conclusion, you added a lot to this profile that I didn't ask you to, and most of it - if not all - doesn't work. Next time you edit it, ONLY change what I asked you to change - nothing else. Remember, abilities do not make the character. (I'm still waiting for an OC that has NO abilities. Boy, that would be wonderfully refreshing.) How they adapt to other characters, how they grow and change as human beings - that makes the character. To be totally honest, there isn't a whole lot of fighting on this site; a well-balanced personality is going to be far better than a bland character with too many fighting abilities that will hardly get the chance to use them. Food for thought.
I'm giving you a week to edit this - and I would really use that whole week. Don't try to just get it done as fast as you can; think about it, change things that are problematic, be mindful of how this character will interact with other characters.
Ok I'm closing this up obviously I can't be open minded about any of this and my imagination is limited fuck this ill find a better site that doesn't question my imagination hope this site goes under fast bye bitches