[Original] Erik Stoneking [A]

[Erik Stoneking]

ORIGINAL or CANON: Original


Series of Origin: N/A


What was the inspiration for them / do they embody a particular feeling or emotion? Erik is essentially meant to portray neutrality. He is meant to be a character that while starting closer to good can be corrupted and purified by those around him.



Name: Erik Stoneking


Nickname: N/A


Age: 20


Gender: Male


Species: Human


Being Type: Somebody


Position: Neutral


Appearance: With an average height of 5 feet, 10 inches, Erik doesn't stand out much in a crowd. Though he does posses a lean muscular build, it is often hidden underneath his clothing leaving it unnoticeable to those far away. His skin is white with a slight tan which is only clear when compared to others of similar skin tone. Erik has no visible scars.

Closing in on his face you'll notice dark brown hair and light blue eyes. His hair is long, slightly curly, and reaches down to beneath his shoulder blades, though it is often worn in a low down bun resting over the back of his neck. Erik practices good hygiene and as such he is clean shaven, his teeth are brushed, and his face is free from blemishes.

In terms of everyday outfits, Erik wears a black hoodie-jacket with a red hood and red accents scattered throughout. It is usually unzipped to reveal the white t shirt he wears underneath. Similarly, he is always seen wearing boot cut jeans and a white pair of tennis shoes. On his wrist is a hair tie whenever his hair isn't put into a bun.


History: Erik was born in Twilight Town to caring parents. They were of upper middle class wealth and as such he lived a great childhood, getting most of what he wanted with little more effort provided than just "being a good boy." That isn't to say he wasn't a good boy, he did behave and did his best to provide good grades from school, but he was like other children and engaged in mischief, simply hiding what he did from his parents.

Early life for Erik was mainly uneventful. He was raised by his mother who had decided to stay home from work until Erik was old enough to enter elementary school. She taught him basic skills, such as walking and talking, and some skills to help him get a jump start when he began school. She also did her best to instill in him a sense of morals and while it mostly stuck, Erik still expanded upon it by himself sometimes forsaking the initial concepts in the process.

Beginning elementary school was a tough transition for Erik. To cope, he quickly latched on to whatever friends he could find. These friends would lead him through much of his grade school days. His mother had always told him to find a group of friends he could trust, and that's what he did. Although his initial judgment of what a good group of friends they would be was incorrect. He had found himself attached to the troublemaker crowd in his school.

While with them, Erik began making his first changes to the moral system his mother had taught him. There were contradictions and he had to amend them. When his friends first convinced him to steal some candy from the store so they could have fun, he thought about when his mother had told him to do what was right. Stealing wasn't right, but his mother had also taught him to stick by his friends. In order to resolve this, Erik made sticking with his friends something that was right above all else. The different events kept coming, letting his friends cheat off of him, putting up graffiti, and tearing down posters. Erik followed along with all of it until his friends decided to pick on a weaker kid to try and get some money from him. Once more the morals his mother taught him came to mind, protect those who need protecting. It was the first time something won out over sticking with his friends. They hadn't managed to corrupt him entirely. He tried to stop his friends, saying that they shouldn't pick on the kid, and that was when he found out they weren't really his friends. After continued insisting by Erik to stop bother the kid he was given a choice by the group, either beat up the kid or get beaten up with him. He chose the latter and his former friends beat up both the kid and him.

Erik found his way to being friends with the kid he had tried to protect and from this he picked up a new hobby, Struggle. His new friend was enthusiastic about the sport and it rubbed off on Erik. For the remaining year in grade school he would hang out with his friend whenever he could, practicing struggle and just in general having fun. Fun much more closely in line with his mother's morals than with his previous group of friends, though the alterations he made still stuck.

Middle school arrived and Erik gained more friends based on his hobby of Struggle. He started exercising more and getting further involved with the sport. Eventually Erik tried dual wielding struggle bats in a practice match with his friends and found that the style suited him. As such Erik continued using it from then on and continued to refine his form.

For the next few years Erik passed his time by struggling with his friends and entering tournaments when they rolled around. Though soon, things began to change. Strange creatures and stranger people would pop up around Twilight Town. It was almost like it wasn't safe there anymore. These strangers seemed to wield amazing power and were locked in a type of combat Erik couldn't comprehend. He only did battle with the creatures a few times, but each time it took everything he had just to come out alive.

From the time Erik entered high school to the time he was 19 he promised himself he would find out what was going on. He would become strong enough and join in on this surely large battle that he had seen in a smaller scale in Twilight Town. He spent his time finding people he didn't think were from Twilight Town and inquired about their origins, what they were doing, and if they would be willing to train him.

One of the first things he learned was that his world wasn't the only one. Something that seemed surprising, but really didn't hit him all too hard, Erik could feel it in his heart that what they said was true. So many unique skills and fighting styles passed through in the coming years and Erik went to them all. Though some would deny him any form of help more would train him while they were there, in Erik's mind it was amazing to learn from so many different masters and he owed it to them to join in the fray.

His first teacher helped Erik cement the basics of his own style. The teacher was a middle aged man named York. He had come from a martial culture where many young adults were taught how to fight as a rite of passage. Upon learning what he could about York, Erik asked the man to teach him how to use swords. York agreed under one condition; Erik had to beat York in a form of battle common to Twilight Town, Struggle.

Erik inevitably won the battle, but not by his own skill. It was clear that York didn't use his full power, but it was way past going easy on Erik so he might have had a chance. York essentially threw the whole thing. Through Erik's "victory" York agreed to delay his future travels by one month to train Erik in the basics of battle.

Over the next month Erik went through grueling training while also learning more about York. He'd had a family who he lost to the darkness when his world fell and he was doing everything he could to get them back. Soon the month ended and York left, leaving Erik with the basics he needed to develop his own style.

All other trainers Erik relied on seldom stayed more than a week. He would learn a few skills from them and steal small pieces of their style to adapt into his own from sparring. There was only one other truly significant figure in Erik's training, an elemental blacksmith named Silvia.

Silvia specialized in making weapons imbued with elemental properties. Upon learning this, Erik went to her and begged her to make him a set of swords. She expectedly refused due to the time and resources that it would take up. Erik persistently asked for the swords to be made, going so far as to offer all of his saved up munny and personal belongings. The repeated begging wore Silvia down and she eventually accepted the munny payment. It was half of what she normally got paid so she only promised to make Erik a regular set of swords with no embellishments.

Much to the dismay of Silvia, Erik was insistent on watching the process of his swords being made. While watching, Erik noticed that the flames Silvia used were supplied by her own magic. Wanting to learn how to use such magic Erik offered Silvia a payment of the belongings she'd previously rejected for a lesson. She refused and instead offered Erik a very small explanation in exchange for him to leave her alone for the remainder of the smithing.

The explanation was along the lines of how to draw out your own natural magic, for Silvia it was fire, but for Erik it was likely to be something else. Keeping to the agreement, Erik spent the rest of his time trying to draw out his magic instead of bothering Silvia. Focusing on Silvia's explanation, Erik was able to produce a small water ball by the time Silvia had finished smithing his swords. Silvia left Erik's life leaving him with two swords and the start of his magic training.

By the time he was 20 Erik was ready to start on his journey, but the unexpected stopped him. So many hearts migrated to Twilight Town, other worlds seemed to disappear from existence, and he was stuck. A new mystery had arrived, and Erik would have to solve it before he would be allowed to join the battle he had thought about for so long. Though truly, this mystery was the beginning of the battle for him.


Current Primary Objective: Erik wishes to leave Twilight Town and find out more about the worlds he knows so little about.


Learning type: Erik learns most of what he needs through hard work and practice, attempting what he wants to learn over and over until successful. Though a teacher can always help him out by explaining to him the intricacies.


Personality: Erik generally follows a set of morals instilled in him by his mother from a young age. Though he has made alterations based on different events in his life. The basis of it being, do what is right, stick by your friends, and protect those that need to be protected. His alterations made it so that sticking by your friends is the most important tenant, so that even if your friends aren't doing what is considered "right" you'll still follow them. There are limits to this, but it allows him to stray away from what is considered "good" if he is following his friends.

In terms of interactions, Erik does his best to be sociable and make more friends, though when he has a solid group he will spend most of his time with them. He'll have many minor friends but most won't be considered more than acquaintances. He tends to split his time evenly between hanging out with friends and being alone.

When Erik has a goal in mind he is persistent and hardworking. He will do everything in his power to accomplish what he wants and very little will convince him to abandon his goal.


Home World: Twilight Town


Natural Affinities/Abilities/Skills:
Trained Swordsman
Throughout his life Erik had practiced with his struggle bats, learning different sword fighting skills which he translated to his swords when he acquired them. He learned from many different teachers and has a stable form of fighting which he has become greatly accustomed to.

Water Trap
Erik creates a small puddle of water around the feet of his enemies with the intention of making them trip. From within the puddle come out semi solid tentacles that grip on to their feet in a further attempt to make them lose their balance.


Limitations/Drawbacks:
General
Erik is generally too trusting once he has a group of friends. He will listen to them without much thought as to whether or not he truly should be. This can lead to self destructive tendencies if what he is doing is for the sake of his friends.

He does not know when it is time to give up in any type of conflict. In situations where anyone else could see he is defeated he will keep at it regardless of the consequences.

Trained Swordsman
Though he has acquired the skills necessary in order to call himself adept at sword fighting, he has not yet been in any life or death battles. Practice bouts are the extent of his experience and in most of those times he wasn't even using his swords. Thus, he will be hesitant in battle and won't know how to properly translate all his techniques from when he used his struggle bats.

Water Trap
With Erik being such a fledgling in the ways of magic he can only use this spell because of his natural affinity to water magic. It takes up his focus so that he can't attack for a few seconds before and after using the spell. At most he can muster the energy to use it once per battle without taking away what he needs to continue fighting with his swords. In addition, the tentacles at current are little more textured nubs rising out of the water.


Passive:

Heartborn Tide


Weapon: Erik uses two short swords that were crafted for him by a blacksmith. While there is nothing particularly special about them, they are reliable and sturdy. Likely to provide no further advantage than what Erik himself can put into them.


Role Playing Sample:
It was an average day much like any other, the sky wasn't particularly sunny, and the people weren't particularly active. All in all, nothing suggested today would be a remarkable day. Erik walked around town, thinking to himself about the different things he would do when he left Twilight Town. Cute girls he might meet, dangerous enemies he might fight, and what mysteries he might uncover. While all these thoughts were exciting he had to shake it from his mind as he remembered why he would be leaving in the first place.

That's all great, but I owe it to everyone that trained me to help out in this battle against those creatures. I can meet all the cute girls after I've earned it.

Soon, he would be leaving to join in the battle he had found out about all those years ago. The battle which he had only seen in such a small scale taking place in Twilight Town. He needed to go out there and help all those that helped him on his path to taking the journey.

Erik decided before starting practice he would stop by one of his favorite fast food stands and get a cheeseburger. It was a short walk away and he made the trip quickly. When he arrived he got into line and started counting his munny for payment. Though only a few seconds later everyone around him seemed distracted. They were all looking up to the sky so Erik followed suit.

The stars, though hard to see in the daytime, were disappearing one after another, making quite the spectacle. Many of the other patrons were making shocked gasps and so did Erik, only his had a little more substance, "Wha- What the hell is going on?"

From the stories he had been told by former travelers Erik knew this was not a good sign. Those stars were all worlds, they were either being shrouded by some force, or even worse, being destroyed.

This isn't good, not everyone here knows what this means, they can't all defend themselves. Those creatures are sure to be coming as well.

Erik made a split second decision to dash back to his home and grab his swords, un concerned with how it would look to be wielding weapons in public. They would all know soon enough what was coming.

Making it there as fast as his legs would allow, Erik quickly retrieved his swords and their sheathes from storage. Using the same speed with which he entered, Erik left his house to try and find anyone that might need help.

Already figures from foreign worlds were finding themselves at place in Twilight Town, dazed and confused. They were popping up in odd spots with little idea of what was going on and why they were there, then the creatures appeared.

Small creatures, almost as if formed from black goo rose up from the ground. Razor sharp claws on their hands and a sinister intent inside of them. Erik remembered his previous encounters with them and would not let them get to anyone else who couldn't fight.

Erik quickly took a ready stance and shouted out, "I'm ready!"

[Jin]

Hey there, Firedog

Let’s start out with a few grammar critiques. After the easy stuff is done, we’ll move into story.

"To cope he quickly latched on to whatever friends he could find."
You need a comma after "To cope...."

"While with them Erik began making his first changes to the moral system his mother had taught him."
You'll need a comma after "While with them..."

"When his friends first convinced him to steal some candy from the store so they could have fun he though about when his mother had told him to do what was right."
After the word "fun," you'll want to put down a comma. Also, watch out for that misspelling of "thought."

"Erik followed along with all of it until his friends decided to pick on a weaker kid, to try and get some money from him."
Oddly enough, that comma shouldn't be there.

"One more time his mother's morals came back to him, protect those who need protecting."
This sentence is a tad awkward. Think you could reword it?

I'm noticing a bit of a pattern at this point. You're not using commas with certain phrases that wouldn't need them if they were located at the end of the sentence. When the sentence does not begin with the subject of it and rather with action, you need to put a comma down after the phrase in front of the subject word. Rather, you need to put a comma down after the phrase in front of the subject word when the sentence does not begin with its subject. Make sure you go back through and try to find where you would pause a bit while reading this aloud. It can be a big help.

I'm a little concerned about how your character learned of the outside worlds and trained in swordsmanship. Now, being a Struggle competetor is all fine and good, but much of your character's training apparently relies on people from other worlds arriving in Twilight Town. As far as we know, the only people travelling between worlds in the timespan of your character's life were Sora, Donald, Goofy, Riku, Mickey, and some villains. How would these people get from world to world? Who were they? Especially the one who crafted his swords for him. That's a big commitment to someone you've never met. Flesh out his teacher or teachers a bit, and give them a reason for knowing about the worlds and swordplay.

That about covers all of my concerns and nitpicking. Your two weeks starts now!

Good luck, and happy editing.

[Erik Stoneking]

Ok! Hopefully I've made edits to your satisfaction without causing more errors in my amendments. Though I know it is all too possible I have.

I added in two people to Erik's history that will hopefully satisfy you in terms of being cornerstones of his training. And since we talked in the cbox about old WD history still being in effect, I didn't really go into how they got from world to world since it seemed to be almost commonplace to travel.

Anyway, looking forward to either acceptance or more critique, thanks for your effort!

[Jin]

That right there is what I'm looking for. You've done a good job with the points I brought up regarding your grammar, and the characterization of the other two characters who helped train Erik are in line with all my expectations. You've got a solid profile to work with now, and I think you're ready to hop into the fray. Expect your rewards notification soon. Until then, welcome to the site.