Umi

[himinee]

Name: Umi
Nickname: none

Age: 16

Gender: Female

Species: Shape shifter

Position: Neutral

Power(s): She has the ability to shape shift in to any Living thing And the biggest thing she can shift to is a dragon, that she can imagine. Although right now she can only can shift once per post.
The most common forms she uses are: mouse, turtle, fox, hawk, pigeon, moogle, dragon, wolf, panther, cat, Human,chocabo, or a variation of one of these. (example: blue fox, girl with giant bird wings, giant panther with three heads that spits acid, whatever else i can think of)
She knows Fire, Blizzard, Areo, Thunder, and Cure.


Weapon(s): Normal tooth, claw, and some occasional explosives, But she does have an Asp Baton and is not afraid to beat the crap out of you with it.

Appearance: She is a shape shifter so she has no set appearance but I will describe her most common form. She has short, red, spiky hair. Her bangs often fall in front of her eyes. She has a dark purple eye and her other eye is teal. She also has flawless, pale skin. She has white snow boarding jacket with blue strips which is always zipped up, blue jeans, and black low-top canvas sneakers. She is thin and about 5' 10". No matter what form she takes on one eye is all ways purple and one eye is always teal

Personality: She is silent most of the time. She will beat the crap out of any one who surprises her. She love to piss people off. She is always taking in every detail and is always 2 steps ahead of the rest. She will fight for as long as she can but when its called for she knows how to run. She has been know for changing her personality as often as she changes her form.

Original World: Radiant Garden
Current Residing World: Radiant Garden

History/Background: Her parents found her on their door step and took her in when she was only a few days old. She didn't talk until she was 4 years old. They were at dinner and she asked her "parents" to pass the potatoes. When they asked her why she never said any thing she said that there was nothing interesting to talk about.

2 months later she went to kinder garden. She quickly tested out and was in high school by the age of 8. Due to the fact that every one was older than her she barley talked to anyone. She graduated school 1 week before her 10th birthday. On her 10th birthday she discovered her ability to shape shift. Because her "parents" didn't know when her exact birthday they were out shopping for a birthday party. She was playing around and accidentally broke the gas line. When her "parents" got home they discovered her messing around. They were freaking out when they noticed the gas. When they were getting ready to get out something ignited the gas. The whole house exploded killing her "parents". She survived by shifting in to a turtle.

When she was questioned she kept quite. She was placed in an orphanage and because she was out of school she spent most of her time in her room. She kept her ability to her self to avoid trouble.

One day she was cornered by some of her fellow house mates. they chased her through out the house until she was up against a window on the 3rd floor. They pulled a gun on her and she had they choose to run, fight back, of get hurt. She choose to run and flew out the window.She knew if she was ever found she would be sent back. She stopped in front of a window and changed her appearance.

After the en-darkening of Radiant Garden she was thrown into another world. She asked around and found out that she was in a place called Traverse Town. She wondered around and mapped the place out. She took up a residence in The 3rd District and used the abundant Heartless to train. By watching Heartless fight and cast spells she learned magic.

The moment she could she heard Radiant Garden was back up she went back. Ever since then she has been pulling odd jobs and been practicing being a general nuisance.

Role Playing Sample: She watched as the doors opened and close while people went in and out, holding perfectly still. Umi was in the form of bird near the door of the castle. All she had to do was to wait until no one was looking and she could slip in. Suddenly she darted forward flying at full speed going right above Young mans head though the open door and into the castle. She flew down a few halls until she was where few people were and landed. She quickly and quietly shifted into A lady wearing a lab coat and head towards where she needed to go. Before long she was in a busy place again, she walked quickly towards a big door and entered the room. It was vary quite as she head down the rows of shelves in the biggest library in her world.
"Hey you" said a loud voice.
Umi quickly turned around to bump straight into one of the security guards.
"You don't belong here" Barked the man.
"Yes I do" Umi responded. Quickly glancing over her shoulder towards where she was headed.
"No you called in sick today, which means you're not Dr. Yana."
"Oh well, guess it can't be helped" Umi said, then quickly shifted in to a fox and ran towards the back of the library. As she reach the shelf she was looking for she shifted it to a hawk and swooped upwards, the whole while she could hear feet running towards her. She reach the book she was looking for and grabbed it in her beak. Then she did a quick U-turn and headed strait for the window, crashing though it.

[serif]

You shapeshifter ability, as it stands, is extremely over-powered. You need limits, drawbacks, cost, complications, and a tell. Also, I need a complete spell list.

How can she know how to access the Corridors of Darkness -- if that is what you meant there -- and how could she know how to do it and not what it does?

Weapons need more description. For instance, what do you mean, fireworks?

What does 'blond black streaks' mean? Are the clothes part of her?

Your history needs elaborating.

Check for spelling, especially the kind that spell-check won't catch, and for punctuation.

[himinee]

Changs in blue. Please explane on what else i need to change.

[serif]

Your shapeshifter ability is extremely over-powered. It does too many things. You need limits - things it can't do - drawbacks, cost, and complications, and a tell. That would be something that stays the same no matter what. Basically, you can't have that power. You can have a lesser version, but not that one.

In Weapons - so what you have is a baton, and whatever you shift into?

"She has Long, red, spiky." Sorry?

If you are a shapeshifter, how are you dealing with the clothing?

Your history needs elaborating. Really. You have three events out of her life, and you don't talk about how any of them effect her. You also skip cannon events, like the endarkening of Garden.

Go read English in a Bottle (clicky). Reread your history and sample. Fix the grammar. Look also for things like 'hay' instead of 'hey', 'load' instead of 'loud', and 'strait' where it should be 'straight'.

[himinee]

Edit in dark blue. Thank you for correcting my grammer. I'm american so i blam the school system for only teaching me this stuff in 2nd grade then putting a teacher in to teach us
language only 1/4 of the year.

As for my shape shifter abilitiy it is my advatage and at the same time my disadvantadge. I have to think of the correct form for the situation and then the form still has its weakness. I did add some weakness though. As for the clothing Issue they are apart of her being. I have somthing planed for that.

And yes thouse are her wepons.

Her history explaines for why she has no set personality.

And FYI the shapeshifter is a race not a abiliy and apeares in storys all the time.

[serif]

I realize it is a race, but there have to be limits. The game has to have some balance.

You need limits, drawbacks, cost, and complications, and a tell.

[himinee]

I'm sorry but right now that is all i can think of to make my carecetor weaker but keep the fighting style I have. Alot can happen in ten seconds and means during a fight i can only chang once per post.

[serif]

Alright, so your doing good, but you still have a big problem.

"Shape shift in to any form she can imagine."

So what I am getting is that you can turn into a bus. Or a heartless. These are not so much a problem. But can she imagine a planet? Can she turn into a solar system? Could she replicate a separate plane of existence where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average?

*coughwoebegonecough*

Anyways, we cannot allow a potential black hole as a character, as it would upset the power balance among the characters.

[himinee]

Ok i didn't even think of that. But makeing myself a black hole sounds kinda cool. So does this mean i can get rid of the 10 sec thing.

[serif]

"Also some she can't." Meaning what?

"some occasional fire." Again, meaning what?

This power is, by nature, overpowered. You need all the limiters you can get. I'd also still prefer if you had a tell.

[himinee]

Ok explained the things you didn't get. Changed one thing in aperance. Also, what is a tell?

[serif]

Your history still needs a great deal more depth and elaboration. You have a couple of events out of her life, but they aren't tied together and you don't talk about how any of them effect her.

The powers are better. If you take out the Corridors, I will be satisfied. Besides, corridors of darkness are really bad for you. They kind of scar your soul. Don't worry about travel, there's lots of ways to get around.

[himinee]

That good. Yes i know i changed 2 thing but i'm a bit brain dead right now

[serif]

I think we can accept the powers now. I'd like the history to be more in depth - how things affected her, how she felt about them, what was it like at the orphanage, what was it like where she went after -- you have sixteen years worth of history. Go into some detail.

[himinee]

All done. Sorry it took so long. I started to change it, got my butt kicked of the computer, and in my rush to get it posted i forgot the time log out thingy and lost all my data. And i hate having to retype stuff so i put it off for a while.