Umi

[Doogie]

Serif, I'm just checkin to see if you're still on this, or you want me to take over.

[serif]

Where did she learn her spells? Also, place names are proper nouns and should always be capitalized.

[Ellie who has 0%]

Taking it upon myself to assist with profiles, I've done it before and been trusted to do so, and it's needed. Any problems. PM me.

Rejected, due to not editing in a timely manner; you can always repost this profile if you ever...return.

[himinee]

Ellie: Grrrrr, Don't yell at me for being late. I cause you haven't noticed serif didn't post untill six days ago. Not to mencien when did you take over my profile. And recently i havn't been able to get on the computer AT ALL because i've been grounded.

Serif: i thought you said all i had left to do was my history. Ok got to figer out how to include spells.

EDIT: Ok explanation in history in blue.

EDIT2: Changes my apperence but i forgot to color. I also went back and found the names, i think i got all of them.

[Ellie who has 0%]

Don't grr at me....I'm technically doing a favor and what I feel is just for the members of this site whether you realize it or not. Also I'm not yelling, typing yes. Also no one knows when you're grounded, so it's better to post in the Arrival and Departure board. All I have to go by is your last post, last login, and your last edit.

Also if you look above at my post, then you realize when I took over to view your profile, but you can wait for Serif which compared to your last post..was 16 days...not 6 and compared to doogie's post 13 days. So you can wait for Serif whether it's 6, 13, or 16 days from now. Cheerio, I'll just be assisting the other members then.

[himinee]

Serifs last post was on the 14th and i got on on the 20th thats 6 days. And part of the problem with being grounded is i can't come on and say "hey i'm grounded don't know when i'll be on again." Sorry bout grrring but right now i'm haveing a tough time. My grampa just had a heart attack and went in for surgery today. The only reason i can actully get on right now is because i'm at my cuzins house and my dad doesn't really care right now. Also i've been working relly hard on this carector and i don't need you to come out of nowhere to reject it when its almost done. I would perfer for serif to accept or reject it but if you can help it would be greatly appreiated. Also serif once went 2 months with out cheaking so a little help would be nice. I also understand that you are just trying to help the admins right now. Again i appolagize for my rude message but right now i'm not entirely sure what to do.

[Ellie who has 0%]

Alrighty since we're ready to coooperate. LET'S GET STAAARTED!

*cracks knuckles*

Alrightly

Lesson 1: Paragraphs are your best friends in writing. For I can read your history, put space between the pargaphs (double space) for they can be seperated from one another rather than going from one cluster to another. It's a pain on the eyes when one is sleepy and more accepted in writing.

Abilities: Yeah I find learning magic...from heartless a bit of a stretch. They are not teachers; sure getting into fights with them often can build up resistance, but learning magic...naaah. You have a better chance having an actual teacher.

This shape-shifting is too free, open, and expansive. The thing with rpgs we want as much bloody details and restraints as possible for we won't have any godmodding problems. For example, let's say your charrie is in a fight...and constantly transforms into big animals back to back...whenever she wanted...no drawbacks, but a simple "weeee I can be anything smaller than the LARGEST ANIMAL IN THE WORLD." So pick some animals she can revert to and pick a suitable amount and don't go loco listing 20 of them...just be reasonable in pick animals that will give what your characters lacks naturally. *Actually I find it nifty if you look at animals in FF since she does live in Radiant Garden which a bulk of FF characters seem to origin from*

Also in RPG...we don't compare time with seconds or minutes, but posts. Why? In RPG time is easily manipulated making it unreliable to bound your character to make sure she's balanced. How many posts must she wait between shifts as in "when she goes from an animal and back to a human, how long must she wait as a normal person before reverting again"? Also since you gave her a resting time between shifts....how long can she stay in a shift? I find it irrelevant to have a resting time if she can stay in a form however long she wants.

Things for you to do:
* form paragraphs in your history
* use a better plot device in how she learned magic
* list SOME animals she can shift to
* how many posts can she stay in an animal form?
* how many posts must she wait before shifting again?
* where is this chick getting explosives from? I'm sorry Radiant Garden...who will give a 16 yr old...explosive..now if she made her own stink bomb...that's a different story. ._. Actually I think stink bombs is better than explosives. I doubt your 16 yr old needs to carry dynamites...and shift into...animals.
* Personality: I want you to bulk this up more for we have a feel how your character is. I find it hard to believe a silent girl will be antagonistic to others. How is she around her neighborhood? How does she feels about the heartless and nobodies shunnanigans? How does she interact with others, friends, etc? What are her pet peeves? What are her weaknesses? What are her strengths? Let's round this character a bit to make her believable to be alive.

7 days

[himinee]

Ok i changed a little but its late and i can't do much this late.

Ok, first of all i would like to point out as i did for serif a shapeshifter is a species so a human is not a set form. She can spend as long as she wants in any form because she has no real form. Also part of the fun of being a shapeshifter is there are no limitations and i all depends on the person imagenation but i did chang it a little because it really strong. ALSO serif all ready approved it.

Second, can you give me an idea where she learned her spells from cuase learning them from heartless is the best i can come up with right now?

Other than that i will try and work on it but i got to go to bed and i don't know when i will be on again so CU.

[Ellie who has 0%]

I can see that Serif 'accepted' that concept, but I'm not Serif and I see a flaw in it, which I elaborated. With too much free-will and vagueness, it opens up to abuse.

In that case, still give her 'common forms' to take, because leaving it up to your imagination can lead to problems of you character doing infinite amount of shunnanigans without a constructive sense of order, limitations, and drawbacks. With those concepts, we can make a balanced character. Also if you haven't noticed with the characters...no one is limitless. So either you will let me help you, or you can wait for Serif. I made that option clear before.

Also being creators, we can make a lot of stuff up. She can meet a teacher...etc. You had 7 days which is now 6 to do what you can...>> << so no worries. Let it all marinate.

[himinee]

kk added list of most common forms thats all i can do for now. I'm leaving today and i don't know when i'll be back on. Bye bye

[Ellie who has 0%]

...tell me when you edited the entire thing.

Also that "variation" aka "whatever you can think of" gotta go.

Here's the stuff you need to edit.

* form paragraphs in your history
* use a better plot device in how she learned magic
* list SOME animals she can shift to
* how many posts can she stay in an animal form?
* how many posts must she wait before shifting again?
* where is this chick getting explosives from? I'm sorry Radiant Garden...who will give a 16 yr old...explosive..now if she made her own stink bomb...that's a different story. ._. Actually I think stink bombs is better than explosives. I doubt your 16 yr old needs to carry dynamites...and shift into...animals.
* Personality: I want you to bulk this up more for we have a feel how your character is. I find it hard to believe a silent girl will be antagonistic to others. How is she around her neighborhood? How does she feels about the heartless and nobodies shunnanigans? How does she interact with others, friends, etc? What are her pet peeves? What are her weaknesses? What are her strengths? Let's round this character a bit to make her believable to be alive.

Also since her personality alters with her forms...state them.

If you do not edit all of this the next time, this is getting rejected. Do not post in here if you haven't finished editing everything, I really don't want some time to be wasted with a partial edits. Either edit all of it or none.

[Bluey.:*]

Not edited within a week. Rejected.

[himinee]

WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE COMING OUT OF NO WHERE AND REJECTING MY PROFILE. Where is your christmas spirt people. Ok i posted in the departer bourd this time and you still rejected my profile for not editing. Will you please stop freaking stressing me out. I'M GOING TO FREAK OUT AND HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

[Ellie who has 0%]

...

a.) They're not coming out of nowhere, because they are staff personnel.

b.) What does this have to do with the Christmas Spirit? Christmas was 2 days from your post and now 3 days. Also you've been poofed since November and this was rejected in November...which is far from December at the ultimate coming of the Christmas Spirit.

c.) The profile haven't been edited. Also the character profile board likes to be clean at some point for it isn't like 'hey there are a bulk of characters not getting tended to'.

d.) You're only stressing yourself out, because you can alway REPOST this profile. This isn't the hollywood 2012 or the apocalypse. So if you don't want to stress out and have a heart attack, then stop being so unneccesarily dramatic over something that can be simply undone such as: repost, try again, and stick around long enough for it can be completed.

Also you can reply to this with 'grrr' and 'warg', but I'm only being bluntly honest at the unneccesary statements that isn't helping anyone including yourself, the stressed out one who's an exhale away from a heart attack. Seriously, take a chill pill and just repost; it isn't the end of the world or rp history.

[himinee]

?? How do you repost a profile?? Sorry but i don't have time to get on all the time. I when i do its normally only to cheak on my profile to see what your doing to it. AND christmas spirt last longer than christmas in my world ;D
And what i mean by popping out of nowhere is the fact they wernt on my profile before.