Erin Edith (RP ACADEMY)

[se7en]

Name: Erin Edith

Nickname: Shrimp


Age: 13


Gender: Male


Species: Human


Position: Neutral, he knows nothing of the struggle between light and dark, yet.

Powers:
Erin is a rouge. He can dodge and has incredible speed and agility, and has an unique ability to manipulate shadows.

Clock of Shadows
Erin takes his scarf in his hand and gathers nearby shadows around himself becoming transparent, and thus harder to spot.

Shadow Daggers
Erin takes his scarf in his hand and gathers nearby shadows around himself, creating a volley of shadow daggers that can be launched at his targets from a distance.

Shadow Shield
Erin takes his scarf in is hand and gathers nearby shadows around himself making a small shield in front of himself that can block physical attacks, but is useless against magic.

Weapon:
Erin uses two steel daggers that are concealed inside of his sleeves. He is able to throw them with great accuracy and twirl them around his body in a whirlwind effect. Along with a multitude of other uses.

Picture:


Appearance:
Erin is 5'2" and has pale-white hair and green eyes. He wears a black and white jacket that has built-in shoulder plates, and a layering of light chain mail sewn into it's underside as well a a red belt and black stone-washed canvas pants. His legs are protected by a pair of steel bracers they are also useful when Erin is scaling walls and jumping, otherwise his legs would be easily injured. He also wears a black shoes and an black scarf given to him by his grandfather when he passed away. It is very special to Erin, and is vital to Erin's skills.

Personality:
Erin is awkward and shy around other people. He is a deeply emotional person and often times finds himself being hurt by things that occur in other peoples' lives. When faced with challenges he relies upon others to make decisions. Which is both his fatal flaw and greatest asset, making him an incredibly valuable companion and friend. Because of his shyness he has trouble meeting new people and can become awkward and silent around strangers, and sometimes even with people he knows very well. However, he has been trying to overcome his shyness; as after nearly thirteen years of self-inflicted solitude he has grown tired of being alone all of the time. The only people who he really has to rely on is his family. He has grown especially lonely and solitary since his grandfather's death.

Original World:
Twilight Town

Current World:
Twilight Town

History:
Erin has lived in Twilight town his entire life, and lives in a large house at Sunset Terrace with his family. His best friend had and always will be his grandfather, who told him stories about other worlds from his journal. Erin always thought that they were just that, stories. His grandfather would often take him out to watch the sunset on Sunset Hill, it's Erin's most favorite place in the world. After his grandfather died, Erin became quiet and withdrawn. He often ran over his grandfather's final words in his mind. "Destiny, and honor Erin, follow your heart, always. . ."

Erin lived with his mom dad and little sister, Reba who he both hated and adored. His parents worried about him, he had no friends and showed no interest in making any, and he was always at that hill where his grandfather used to take him. One day, Erin was sent to work cleaning out the attic by his mother, he dragged his feet the whole time until he came upon a strange small box with a padlock on it. Attached to the bottom was a small note reading:

Dear Emelia and Jacob,

I do not have much time, and I am very sorry that my death would cause you such grief. I am writing this ahead of time to make certain that the contents of this box will never fall into your son's hands. Inside is my journal containing my life's stories, I used to read Erin entries from it. But, that was a while ago when he was young; now I know better. Erin must not become aware of the other worlds; I can only hope that he has forgotten the things that I have told him; lest he share my fate. So now, his only hope from ruining his innocence, and having to become involved with the struggle between the light and darkness.

With undying love and gratitude,
Gale Edith

"Why did he have my parents hide his journal from me; what had happened that was so bad that even I couldn't know about?" Erin thought. Erin stared at the note for a long time were his grandfather's stories true? He couldn't stand to just forget what he had just read so he took the box back to his room and hid it on his window seal, and closed the shades. The rest of the day he cleaned feverishly, all he wanted was to read what was in his grandfather's journal. Then he stumbled across an old telescope of his grandfather's.

After he had ate dinner with his family and excused himself; he ran up to his room to retrieve the box and telescope. He then climbed up to Sunset Hill, and stared up at the night sky. After a few minutes he sighed and tried setting up the telescope. It took him awhile to figure out how it worked, but he eventually figured out how to set it up and use it. Then, as he looked through the telescope's lense he saw them, and his grandfather's voice rang out from the night sky "Destiny, and honor Erin, follow your heart, always. . ." Suddenly, the box next to him sprung open and Erin as peered down at it he saw the rough letter of my grandfather's weathered old journal.

Role Playing Sample:
The stars in the sky shine brightly night after night. And as Erin looked up at them, he couldn't help but wonder what they were. Well, one unexpected evening, he got our answer, and it was beyond anything that he could have imagined.Countless worlds littered the sky, filled with their own people and places, all of which existed without knowledge of each other. It was hard to really wrap his mind around it, but he knew it was true, somehow. Now, he has a new dream. That one day, he will go to those other worlds like in the stories his grandfather told him. That he'll see all that I can, and meet new people, and make new friends, everywhere he goes. But, he laughed at himself even if there were other worlds out there how was he supposed to get to them, much less meet new people with his shy personality.

He had nearly given up hope of ever fulfilling my dreams. It was night time, and he'd made his way up to the hill to look up at the sky as he usually did. He wasn't sure why he did it, night after night, but he did. In a way, it was comforting to him; after all, that was the closest that he’d ever gotten to the stars, and he was beginning to think that it was that it was the closest he would ever would get.

"Follow your heart. . ." a voice says, Erin jumped up and looked around for the source of the voice, but there was no one. He shrugged and sighed as he returned to looking up at the night sky. 'Follow, my heart. . . what does that mean?' he thought.

Erin began to fall behind in school; what was the point of it anymore? The answer was clear there wasn't. Every day he did the same things as he looked back on his life he realized that his entire life had been a giant roller coaster ride. Only a few things had ever occurred out of the normal loop, like his grandfather's death and the time Erin had convinced his mom to let them have a picnic on Sunset Hill. There had to be a reason for this; for all of this; this can't be what life is about.

Now, Erin sits on Sunset Hill, looking out at Twilight Town. "Why did they even call it Twilight Town anyways; it would be more appropriate to call it Sunset Town or something. . ." he said to himself. He sighed, and laid back on his back with his hands behind his head. For a long time he just lay there, staring up at the stars. Eventually he sighed, stood up, and stretched. He brushed the dirt from the back of his pants and started on his way back home. As he walked across the Sunset Terrace towards his house he noticed that it was darker then usual, he must have fallen asleep he thought.

[Ellie who has 0%]

This profile is incomplete Personality must be atleast 175 words.

Also by finding the profile template you should be aware you cannot have canon interactions without permission. If the character lacks an rper you still cannot use it.

This is now an WIP you have a week to revise.

[se7en]

Edited: man it's cold outside we've gotten at least a foot of snow here and it's still coming down at least it means no school!

[Ellie who has 0%]

Powers::
Burst of Speed// Omit this ability, since there really isn't an explantion of what energy your character is utilizing and how he was acquainted and can use it. In short, it's pretty random like the ability to "walk on walls".

History + RP Sample::
You should write in third person, so know I's, you's, us's and etc in your narrative paragraphs, but they are permitted in dialouge. Also for organization sake and properness, place your dialouge either at the BEGINNING and/or END of a narrative paragraph, or give it its own paragraph.

Example:
After I ate dinner with my family, in a fury I excused myself and ran up to my room to retrieve the box and telescope. I climbed up to Sunset Hill and stared up at the night sky. After a few minutes, I sighed and tried setting up the telescope. It took me awhile to figure out how it worked, but I eventually figured it out. Then I saw them,and my grandfather's voice rang out from the night sky,"Destiny, and honor Erin, follow your heart, always. . ."

Suddenly, the box next to me sprung open, and as I peered down at it, I saw the rough letter of my grandfather's journal.

The dialouge is at the end of the paragraph versus it floating in the middle of the paragraph.


Overall// You have shown improper comma usage aka comma splices.

Example;;
Erin is awkward and shy, he has never really had to interact with anyone but his family.

A comma doesn't smash two seperate sentences alone. You can either accompany it with a conjuction.

Erin is awkward and shy, and he never really has to interact with anyone, but his family.

Or you can use a semicolon.
Erin is awkward and shy; he never really has to interact with anyone, but his family.

//If you don't understand semicolons, then don't use it. If you don't really know how to compound-complex sentences grammatically correctly, then stick with simple sentences. Yes being able to make a single sentences...four lines long is neat, sophisticated, and all, but it isn't if you don't know how to do it right. Also with writing as long as you can communicate efficiently and correctly, it doesn't matter how long your sentences are. I'm just pointing this out, because it's a major writing no-no.//
Powers:
5 comma issues. When you spot them, you may need to rewrite the sentence for it can be...a proper sentence.

Weapon
1 fragment

Appearance:
About 6 comma splices.

Personality:
About 8 comma splices.

5 days to edit. If you need more time, then just say so.

[se7en]

EDITED: got rid of Burst of Speed and replaced with Shadow Shield, along with editing my many grammatical and punctuation errors, my English teacher would be ashamed.

[Ellie who has 0%]

Shadow daggers;; You need to fix up that run-on.

Shadow Shield;; You only need 1 of those commas, and there's a typo.

Weapon;; There's a comma splice and mis-use of a semi-colon.

Personality;; 2 fragments, 1 comma splice.

3 days to edit.

[se7en]

Edit also changed his height, because come on what thirteen year old is 5'7"?

[Ellie who has 0%]

Content Wise, this profile is fine, but you are going to the RP Academy with me buddy. We need to patch up your sentence structure before you go rping.


+ RP ACADEMY TIME+ I shall make the thready thread thread.