Raven Yume' [A]

[kairi13xii]

Name: Raven Kokoro Yume'



Nickname: N/A



Age: 16



Gender: Female



Species: Human/Neko



Position: Indifferent/ usually only helps if she gets something (normally money or lolipops) for it



Powers:
~Cure-- Raven has a hard time with Cure since she only recently gained it. Cure is the first form of healing members of a party, including the healer.


~Screech Deflect-- When Raven plays her screaming slicer, it will affect anyone who isn't either wearing a special-made bracelet, or under her shield. The shield is a blue light that looks like a dome over the protected.

The shield will not prevent any attacks thay may occur from the enemy

Another problem with her weapon is that, since she is new to battling Heartless and Nobodies, it will only fuly effect lower-level enemies.

As she continues fighting them, her experience will grow, along with the amount of enemies she can really attack. The rest of the enemies only recieve minor damage from her guitar, so it would, depending on the HP of the enemy, take her 3, 5, or even 10+ blows to finally defeat them, whereas the full affect would leave an enemy with half their original HP.
Raven also has bracelets with the same ability.

Obviously Raven cannot literally protect EVERYONE with her shields, so when she makes an ally, Raven will distribute the ally with a single bracelet.

This bracelet is made up of blue and purple transparent spherical beads filled with the essense of her shielding power. Therefore, anyone wearing one will be protected at all times from her deadly screeching.


~Techno Voice-- Along with her talents with instruments, Raven also has vocal talent. If Raven sings along with her guitar, the damage that would originally be dealt by the guitar alone will double.

When she sings, the enemy will hear a second screeching alongsode the guitar's screeches, whereas those protected by her shield will hear a Japanese song, usually techno of some sort.

Techno Voice cannot be put into effect unless the Screaming Slicer is being played.

As with the Screaming Slicer, those wearing her special-made bracelets will be protected from the sound.



Weapon:
~Screaming Slicer::a special-made guitar that only appears when formed by a drop of Raven's blood caused by a small needle she carries around.

It sends screeching soundwaves to her enemies and she can change the sound (screech) intensity by a simple dial at the front.

The dial will only turn to each enabled level when she has concentrated on either positive or negative emotions.

To make better sense of this, picture a simple dial on her guitar. Every ten seconds that she concentrates on positive (or negative) emotions, will allow her to turn the dial up by one level.

There are only thirteen levels, zero being the lowest (not to mention, weakest), and 13 the highest.

Once Raven begins charging, she has to focus on that emotion.

In other words, if Raven begins charging with positive emotions instead of negative, she can only charge higher if she focus' on positive emotions, and vice-versa.
If Raven, for whatever reason, switches emotions in the middle of charging, she will backfire and lose 10% of her HP if she is at level 6 and below, and 20% if she has charged to level 7 and up.

Raven can make a small forcefield to protect a small amount of allies from this horrible sound, though since it's made from her blood, Neither Raven has no personal use for this force field.

Raven and anyone under her force field will hear awesome Japanese music rather than the screeching.

The neck of this guitar is also the sheath for her Dual Blades.


~Headset:: Although her singing is under the powers category, Raven does wear a blue and purple headset (microphone). It has no effect on the enemy, but it makes the allies more aware of the song they can hear. If anything, it makes the fight more fun for most/all.



Picture: I don't know how to copy the URL from my pictures. I tried though o.o



Appearance: Short, black hair, styled to spike out in a somewhat pixie style (if you've seen Twilight (=-=) then it looks like Alice's hair, but black).

She's about 5"3', a small, hourglass body.

Her eyes are naturally toxic purple, turn toxic blue when miserable, and red when furious. She wears black eyeliner on bottom lid, dark gray eyeshadow on top lid with white sparkly eyeshadow above.

Her lips are glossy, her sharp, pointed nails are painted with black nailpolish.

She wears half of a crystal heart on an extra long chain. (She's been searching for someone with the other half in her free time)

She has small black cat ears, a long, slender cat tail, and whiskers on her soft cheeks.

Her usual wardrobe is a lolita dress with knee-high socks and babydoll shoes.



Personality: Raven likes slaying anything for the sake of seeing it's blood, but keeps her bloodlust to a minimum for the sake of her the public.

She loves candy, so if you want information from her, lolipops are the way to go.

Raven dislikes the heartless who took her kingdom, and pretty much anyone who gets in her way.

Raven doesn't really have any secrets. If you're trustworthy and have a lolipop handy, her knowlege is yours.

Raven's hobbies include killing (Heartless/Nobodies/etc.) for munny, eating suckers, and listening to Japanese bands on her ipod (do they have those in here? o.o)

Raven's only talents are killing and playing her most prized posession: her Screaming Slicer (see weapons)



Original World: Crow Manor
Current World: Traverse Town



History: (please note that I realize my description may sound similar to Halloween Town. I hope it's not TOO similar...)
Raven grew up in Crow Manor. Basically everything in that world was Gothic designed. What you consider a cemetery was their park. Their trees were naturally dead looking, and everywhere you looked there were ghosts drifting around.

This is where Raven grew up.

When she was born, the kingdom was rather peaceful. Her Father was somewhat angry when his daughter was born a Neko girl, and not a vampire. Though for a few years she tried to impress him by showing somewhat of a bloodlust.

Four years later, when Raven was seven, she saw her Mother die by the merciless hand of her Father. Raven didn't speak for a year, though she sang when she was practicing her Screaming Slicer/Techno Voice mix.

Her Father, of course was sentenced to immediate death by decapitation, and her Uncle was to take over until Raven turned Sixteen, which would be the day she inherited the throne.

A few years passed and most things went back to normal.

Raven was trained musically and in weaponry, and had been granted to create her Screaming Slicer, and always wore her blue and purple headset.

After a few weeks she had constructed her deadly guitar, the Screaming Slicer with a compartment in the neck for sheathing her Dual Blades.

That was a year before the Heartless began showing up.

Everyone was very content, their weekly news being that a new ghost would be joining the rest that day. In this world lived neko's and vampires.

No, the vampires were not the reason for the weekly deaths. Usually it was from the heartless.

The heartless, at first, seemed like a good way to add ghosts to the scenery, but soon enough, the were a terrible bother, and the citizens knew they had to go.

Unfortunantly, they were a tad late, and the heartless were everywhere, along with the nobodies.

Raven was the only one who had, to her knowlege, escaped.

Raven, on that day, would have been granted her crown, for she was next in line to the throne when the Heartless attacked.

For now, the she is simply trying to survive, which meant picking up any scrap money that was discarded for whatever reasons.



Role Playing Sample: Raven walked into the second district, bored as always. She'd been living here for a month now, and had left her fortune behind when she escaped. After a while of swirling her finger in the small fountain connected to the bell above the Gizmo Shop, Raven heard her stomach grumble and, after fishing in her pockets, spoke up.
"Crap...I'm low on munny. I need to go snag a fast job." She stood and wiped hier wet finger on her dress. She then proceeded toward the third district.

Ruka suddenly stopped dead inher tracks, and her ears twitched as she looked over the balcony. "Wha-" Raven cut herself off as she stared, wide eyed at a defenseless woman who's heart was being stolen. "Oh no..." The heartless took the woman's heart and left as fast as it had come.

Raven sighed. "Well, she's gone...er...wait..." Raven mumbled to herself as she jumped down and grabbed the woman's munny pouch that was left behind, peeking inside.

"Woah....Whoever she was, she wasn't poor!" Raven exclaimed as she happily stuffed the pouch of munny in a hidden pocket on her dress, then smirked as she spoke. "Poor lady...though her misfortune just bought me food for the next two months!"

She bowed at the spot where the woman had lost her life before turning away. Raven laughed as she walked back into the First District, her spirits lifted and stomach growling.

Unfortunantly, as soon as she opened the door, her laughter ceased, as there was a fleet of Shadows laid out all over the First District. Raven's jaw dropped before she spoke. "Guess this is instant payback for laughing, huh?" She then pulled out the needle used for summoning her Screaming Slicer.

"HEY! Everyone get inside!!" Raven called as she stabbed her finger, her guitar forming in her hands. While Raven concentrated on positive emotions by thinking of how well they'd eat tonight, shadows completely surrounded her, as expected.

Once they were about to jump her, Raven released the positive energy and played, singing as well. This got rid of the majority, and she simply slashed the remainder with her dual blades with her guitar on her back.

When they were all gone, Raven notified the citizens that the area was safe, but to stay on their guard. Noting that they had heard him, Raven sighed. "I'm way hungrier now.." As if on cue, her stomach grumbled and she simply laughed.

"Um...excuse me.." An elderly mother woman said as she reached into her purse. "It's not much, but here's 20 Munny and a couple lolipops." Raven's eyes widened at the lolipops as she bowed before accepting the rewards, then spoke up. "What's this for?" The woman laughed weakly. "For the trouble of slaying those..awful creatures, dear." Raven smiled and nodded before heading to the outdoor cafe' and ordering her favorite, Spaghettie and those yummy breadsticks.

After she ate, Raven payed for her meal and popped a lolipop in her mouth before laughing. "Best..day....ever~"

[Zephiris]

Hello! I'm Zeph, and I will be helping you with your profile.

Firstly, small edits with the powers. You mention that Cura is the first form of healing. It isn't, in fact; it's the second, with Cure as the first. Also, I'm a tad confused on what the Screech Deflect is. You need to add drawbacks to it, in any case, for I'm sure there will be some stronger opponents or other sound users who wouldn't be affected as much by Raven's weapon.

Please explain the Dual Blades. Does she have any proficiency in wielding them? Keep in mind that your character is sixteen, and unless she's been training since she was young most likely wouldn't be extraordinarily skilled in blade combat.

Also, your history and RP sample are far under the 500 word requirement.

7 days to edit, and we can work from there. ;]

[kairi13xii]

oops! I haven't played in a while, and when I was typing this I was UBER tired
^-^ I should have made it a WIP, but I'm surprized I even thought to hit post at the end..but thanks so much for the feedback ^-^ I added the Dual Blades because of an earlier idea of Ruka being too afraid to stab his finger, so Raven carries his weapons around. I'll be sure to add that to the info, but I didn't originally want to write too much about Ruka until I had time and permission to create him. The complication of me creating Ruka is that...Ruka is a difficult character to portray. He's often shy, around everyone but his sister, and it's just....well, I'll just get to that when I create his character Profile~
I'll work on the History and RP sample today if I can.
Thank you so much for your helpful info, and I'll rename as (re-redone) when I finish all the adjustments~

arigatô gozaimashita

[kairi13xii]

ok, its done~! Now all that's left is my third evaluation~
I would like to point out that that in the RP sample, the mother and child at the end were just part of the sample. As of right now, nobody has actually recieved a shield bracelet from Raven. Normally the only ones that would recieve them are allies and party members, but I dunno....something like this COULD happen I suppose....guess we'll just have to see~

[Zephiris]

Please break up your writing into paragraphs. It's pretty difficult to read huge blocks of text. ;]

The results are anywhere between going deaf to the skin ripping straight off your bones.

For sentences like this, I think you should mention these results are a possibility but not a certain outcome. Again, against stronger opponents or other sound-wielders, or those who dodge the waves of sound, it would be powerplaying to make this a sure result every time she attacks.

Three days to edit.

[kairi13xii]

oh dangit!! I meant to take that line off, sorriez~! I had thought about it, and I was like: wait...can they even hear? and I don't think that's considered skin.
Sorry, I'll remove it right away~
Oh, and the paragraph thing, no prob~ ^-^

[kairi13xii]

OKAY! ^-^ I have re-re-redone this character, and I REally hope I finished it for good ^-^ but if not, I'm kool with...re-re-re-redoing it......^-^"
Lol, that is NOT me dissing the admins and such, I just really hope this one makes it through the fourth evaluation ^-^

arigatô gozaimashita

[kairi13xii]

umm....this has been done for days now...should I repost it..?

[Zephiris]

No. Apologies, I thought I had sent my response already, but evidently I did not. I shall try to retype what I did earlier. ^^

Paragraphs on WD are separated by two clicks of the enter bar. As in, there should be an empty line between each one. Also, new paragraphs are made when dialogue is switched between characters. Please try reviewing paragraph construction for future reference.

One main thing you need to remember is that you are only applying for one character. In text-based roleplay you are not narrating the interactions between multiple characters; you're describing one character's thoughts, words, and actions in response to whatever was typed before by members in your thread. With this in mind, I'm going to have to ask that you rewrite your RP sample to focus more on the thoughts and actions of Raven. Note that this doesn't mean you need to exclude the others from the sample; just try your hand at getting more inside Raven's head. You can browse threads by other members to observe how one depicts their characters without sounding like an omniscient narrator of a story.

Finally, I'd strongly suggest cutting ties with Ruka in Raven's History. You are not applying for him, so you wouldn't be able to RP him with her on whatever world they landed on. Even if you did, it's generally not advised to play characters that interact too much with each other. That is for novel writing. Online RPGs focus on interaction with others in the community and their characters. That said, I'd suggest being separated from Ruka when the Heartless attacked Crow Manor. ;] (Oh - you may also want to mention in the History, too, which hub world they landed on when their world was devoured.)

Thank you for your patience. 7 days to edit!

[kairi13xii]

ooh.....well when I was reading the rules and such, it said something if you made another character that was close to yours, it couldn't be yours to play as. Like.....well, I thought that meant that if you had more than one character that you could only RP as one character, and someone else could be your secondary char and so on....But Raven and Ruka have been siblings since I created them last year, so it's hard for me not picturing them together, especially since that's what I was hoping to do when I joined this site. . .

But I keep working REALLY hard on these posts, and it seems like every time, there's always one more thing to add......I'll give it another shot, but this is all becoming very stressfull when its along with everything that's been going on in rl lately. . .

I dunno, I'll figure something out I suppose~ I usually do ^-^"

Btw, thank yu for being so kind. . .I might seem kinda harsh in this post, but I'm just rlly stressed~ I'll repost it tonight~

[kairi13xii]

ok, it is re-re-re-redone~! ^-^ *implodes*

mmk, one thing I want to point out..in the appearance section, that face I made about twilight is =-= okiez? I was looking at it, and I was like...that looks like two smileys DX

anyways~ I hope yu like this one~! ^-^

[Zephiris]

Looks alright now, thank you for your patience. ;] Creating a character on an intermediate-advanced RP site tends to be a difficult process.

Accepted. Repost this as a Final Profile (in the Final Profile board of the Character Center), put that link in your signature, and feel free to begin roleplaying!

[kairi13xii]

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been gone for a week! I know you're supposed to mention it, but I was so focused on typing out the profile, AND checking things on other sites, that I completely forgot to notify yu!! T-T BUT I'm back now~

[kairi13xii]

ok, I've been all over these links, and I can't find the Final Profile Board :( I've been looking for the past few days when I was online, and I'm ready to scream >.< could yu reply a link to it? Thank yu so much~

[Shun]

Here: worlddestiny.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=profiles