Illicitus [Ready for grading]

[rhythmicnightmare]

Name:Illicitus


Nickname:The Murderous Smirk, Emissary of Suffering, Crimson-eyed-Killer


Age:Unknown Appears 20


Gender:Male


Species:Corrupter - A race of beings who haven't lost their heart, but are more or less fueled by the negative emotions of it (I.e Anger,Hate,Despair) All Corrupter have brooding crimson eyes and dark indigo cross shaped pupils.


Position:Neutral/Evil


Powers/Abilities/Techniques/Skills:

Dark Flare - A bluish white ball of flame that can be fired in three manners. The first is a single handed steady beam that extends to a maximum of 10 feet. Cooldown= 3 posts

The second manner is a dual handed multiple burst of small golf ball sized spheres that extend out to a maximum of 15 feet, and explode upon impact. Cooldown 3 posts

The final manner takes the appearance of a condensed sphere that takes the size of a basketball at first, but shrinks down to about the size of a tennis ball then upon being thrown towards the adversary it reacts with the air friction igniting it in the same bluish white flame. Before splicing in half and coming to a halt at the opponent sides before finally exploding in a dual shock wave styled assault. capable of incinerating or simply crushing what is within the radius of 50 feet. Cooldown 5 Posts

Telekinesis- A skill all corrupters have. Illicitus has honed his mind to the point he can manlipulate multiple objects at a given time, but he can only lift up to 95 pounds at maximum. Passive

DecaSlash: A series of devastating ten slashes initiating with a low uppercut slash and ending with a leaping vortex slash. Can be preformed with the false salivations or timeless oblivion. Cooldown 4 posts.

Broken Sanctum: Illicitus' Strongest attack it begins with him clapping his hands together as a black and green corrupt aura gathers over each of them, and he shoves his hands into the air releasing the waves of energy which stains the skyline for a 40 foot radius in a black and green tone. That blocks out the sun and gives off a heavy feeling of despair within the sphere illicitus is capable of using his corrupt abilities to their maximum potency. and seven almost organic chains erupt from the sides and top of the sphere in an attempt to apprehend the "intruder" while countless summoned swords form around them and rain down in a seemingly perpetual assault. This technique can only be used once per thread, and Illicitus has to be in a critical state.

Summoned Swords: Opaque bluish cyan colored swords shaped in the style of claymores. each blade can be grasped within Illicitus' hand or manipulated through his telekinesis. Each sword summoned lasts four a duration of five posts, and only 13 can be summoned at a time.

Flash points: Illicitus' Personal mode of trans portion and method to quickly move around a battlefield. They appear as small bowl sized cyan colored circles in the sky, but they are actually miniature portals capable of transporting in and out of an area. Making them almost ideal for combat. The downsize is only 13 can be made at a time and they last for 6 posts when used within a battle. Outside they have a zero post cooldown

Summon: These entities are manifestations of Illicitus' corrupting nature they can be shaped into a wide array of forms, but they are commonly in the form of crawlers which are dark green groundhog like shades. similar to a shadow heartless minus the floppy ears. They are capable of using their four claws to some precision, and they can even be fired like miniatured darts although that is only a last resort technique due to they cannot regenerate. Four crawlers can be summoned at a time, and last until they defeat their adversary or are destroyed. No more can be summoned until 4 posts after the initial post

Amentia: Illicitus' Favorite of the corrupted. Amentia appears as a cloaked figure with vibrant red hair which is kept in a ponytail and she has piercing green eyes, and is a very speed based attacker. Using a mixture of swift kicks and slashes with her rapier to bring down her foes.

Amentia abilities: Being a humanoid corrupted she is capable of summoning minor corrupted to do her biding. These corrupted last for only 2 posts. Due to being only half the power of their masters

Crystal Chains: From the sleeves of amentia's cloak sickly green chains are capable of shooting out and ensnaring an adversary rendering them immobile for three posts, or they can burrow within the target in an attempt to corrupt them. The chains last for only 3 posts


Weapon/Items:
Twin Broadswords with a slight anchor shaped tip. Known as False Salvation. Capable of being used one in each hand or both of them are combined at the handle to create an almost glaive like weapon.



Engine Sword known as Timeless Oblivion A black and white monochromatic falchionesque sword with a circular engine integrated into the handle. The blade gives off a menacing visage with it's heavily serrated tip and jet black blade. The lever protruding two feet to the left of the handle allows the blade to be engulfed in a corruptive green flame which amplifies the swords cutting force. But the lever cannot be pulled more than three times or the blade will shatter from the withering properties of the corruptive energy.

Throwing Knives: Anchor shaped knives with a flash point insignia etched into the back of the handle. Which allows Illicitus to teleport to their location, But only five teleports can be preformed before the knife shatters.

Picture:


Appearance:Illicitus has smokey gray hair that is always spiked. It stops just before both of his crimson eyes. In terms of physical appearance he would be considered handsome by human regards. Having a toned athletic frame being 5'9 wearing a black t-shirt and a black jacket that is usually opened up which trails down to the black and silver belt which holds up the black combat styled shorts. Lastly Illicitus wears black combat boots and a black fingerless motorcycle glove on his left hand and a black and sapphire blue ring on his right hand.


Personality: Illicitus is a very isolated and sadistic individual at upon a first encounter Illicitus won't speak unless spoken to spending most of his time watching and listening to try and learn little quirks about the new aqquaintance, But when around a individual that holds some sort of connection to him Illicitus will be a bit more open and talkitive. Although no matter he is always seen smirking.

Although in terms of battle Illicitus is like a coin, but in his case his coin is his smirk. Whilst smirking within a fight Illicitus is a very humorous individual doing very whimsical movements ranging from sommersaults to handsprings to evade attacks, and will even resort to throwing stones and dirt.

Though when the smirk is gone all jokes are finished. Illicitus turns into an extremly violent individual some would refer to him as a murderous deity of combat. Using a mixture of powerful strikes and brutal ranged attacks to bring down his enemies.

Another battle trait Illicitus has is having a tendency of using overly powerful techniques for no reason. Mostly to show off his own prowess in battle, But as proud as he is he isn't above complimenting the battle skill of his enemies

When alone Illicitus can usually be found staring up at the sky or wandering around town to try and fill his almost endless appitte although in times of crisis he will drop all that he's doing and make his way to the source of the problem regardless of what it may be.



Original World:
Current World:Radiant Garden


History: ( Took place during birth by sleep)
Illicitus' childhood wasn't what most would call a loving one. Being the second oldest child he spent most of his time growing up with his older brother Animus. Illicitus tried so hard to imitate his brother even as to go so far as to try and fight like he did, But Animus watched Illicitus practicing one day and decided to train him.

In time Animus realized that his younger sibling was increasing in skill rather quickly almost to the point not even he could be able to defeat his younger sibling. Which is what lead him to begin to plot to destroy his younger brother.

The plan was simple play to his wants which in this case was his brothers respect. So he left Illicitus who at this time was only 13 a note which was a challenge to a duel. Illicitus' began to laugh in sheer excitement for the chance to finally fight his brother without any restraints, But when he got to the dueling ground. The sudden stinging of being struck overcame illicitus' left arm. His crimson eyes slid down to inspect the seemingly damaged limb. It was then he saw the crimson stream rushing down his left arm, and Illicitus was overwhelmed with anger which was then Animus stepped from the shadows with a wicked grin on his face.

It all began to click within Illicitus' head he became enraged running towards his brother it was then an disgusting feeling overtook Illicitus' body almost like every part of his body was on fire. "What's the matter Illy? Does it hurt?!" Animus chimed with a sadistic grin on his lip while kicking Illicitus square in the jaw which had such force behind it he was sent rolling over the dirt, and crashed back first into a tree trunk.

"You see baby bro this is just about family for you see if you were to beat me I'd be killed, and I'm not up for dying just yet I have a lot of things to do so I'm going to get rid of you, and no don't worry you aren't gonna die.. Atleast by my hand anyway" Animus said while snapping his fingers, as three shadow heartless formed around illicitus and began to claw and headbutt him.

Illicitus started to scream in agony, but was silenced with a gooy form of corruption animus slapped to his lips. Animus continued to laugh at his brothers pain. It was then the heartless around illicitus suddenly exploded in a slight wisp of midnight blue opaque blades blending in with the moonlight.

"I see you're still trying to save yourself brother, but just give up it's hopeless for you." Animus said whilst walking towards illicitus and started to lower the heel of his boot into his brothers temple, but one of the blades spun down and fended off his foot with it's pommel "Heh you're a real piece of shit Animus.." Illicitus spat while his secondary summoned sword rushed towards his brothers throat, but it was caught by a single flick of his pinky.

"Come on now Illy is that anyway to talk to your big brother?" He said with another chuckle,while bringing his foot down with more velocity which caused the blade to shatter, as his heel smashed into illicitus's ribs driving him into the ground a few inches. A soft snap echoed, as a corridor of darkness formed around illicitus, and started to condense inwards. "They say you are suppose to wear a special cloak to get through those unharmed, but I think this will be the perfect test for that little rumor. See ya brother" Animus said with a false smile walking away as the corridor of darkness closed around illicitus.

(Takes place during KH1&2)

Illicitus' body felt as if it was being shredded away from the dark energy every second that transpired felt like a lifetime, but after awhile something odd occured the darkness that was rushing past him didn't cause him any sort of pain or agony, but the exact opposite it started to rejuvenate his wounds. Unsure of what to do Illicitus merely watched and thought on all that happened. Betrayed and exiled from his world by the one person he cared about most the one who taught him all he knew. Illicitus' eyes grew weary from the flashing wisps of darkness and against his better judgement he drifted off into sleep.

During the course of this sleep and prolonged exposure to darkness it began to amplify his dormant corruptive energy. His sleep was rudly interpupted by his landing, head first on the edge of a curb the few bystanders around at that instance rushed over to ask if he was alright. Illicitus slowly reached up touching the back of his head to check for any sort of bleeding, but none was found. The second he looked at the bystanders his lips parted and he released a startling grunt mumbling something incohearnt about betrayal and payback.

Which caused the group to think he was insane so they backed away slowly. Before they had gotten to far Illicitus turned and asked one of them "Hey were the hell am I anyway?" He asked looking around dumbfounded at all the buildings and people. A small boy about the age of ten looked up with an amused smile. "Geez mister you must not be from around here. This is Radiant Garden." He said whilst running off to rejoin the group the laughter of children echoing in the distance.

"Raidant Garen huh well looks like I'm here for awhile until I can figure out that corridor trick" He thought to himself while making his way to his feet and rubbing the back of his head again


Role Playing Sample:Illicitus stood within the center of the great maw. Holding both of his false salvation swords the right one in a reverse grip. He knew he was surrounded by atleast ten heartless. Yet he remained silent his signature smirk etched on his lips, as the first heartless leapt towards him but was easily intercepted by a quick snap kick which caused it to be sent soaring backwards over the clif side of the great maw. Using the momentum of his strike Illicitus flipped backwards landing on the rear flank of the remaining nine heartless. "This is such a waste of my time" He thought while opening his hands, as two throwing knives formed in his grasp and with two simple tosses they rotated around another before meeting their mark which was the left and right ear of two heartless that were side by side. with a sudden swish of cyan light illicitus teleported between them standing along the handles of the knives. "You mindless beasts. I almost pity you" He said softly before rolling forward, and driving both of his boots into the heartless's faces which caused them to emit slight whimpers of pain. Landing on his hands he spun around just as a heartless went to lunge at him returning to his feet. a low laugh escaped his lips whilst a cyan blade formed above the aerial heartless and fired down upon it's body slicing through. The five other heartless began to inch their way away trying to preserve their lives, but Illicitus would have nothing of the sort. "Oh no you don't.. You aren't going to pick a fight then just leave!" He shouted Letting a stream of bluish white flame gather along his hand forming about the size of a tennis ball before condensing down even further before being thrown forward into the mid point of the converging heartless. The sphere hit the ground bounced back and spun half way in air before exploding. Reducing the ground before illicitus into a scorched mess. "Opps. Too much" He said with a laugh while turning on his heels and walking back towards town.

[rhythmicnightmare]

bump

[Zephiris]

Welcome to WD! I'm Zeph, and I'll be assisting you with this profile.

First off - I'd really suggest to use a standard black font color. Especially with our current skin, what you've got going on now burns the eyes. I don't particularly want to go blind early, so I'm just going to summaries the major points that I notice should be worked on. I'll post again with finer details once you've made those edits, and I can read deeper to point out any incongruities. ;]

One of the biggest problems: Character is far too overpowered. You practically state it outright, actually.

Another battle trait Illicitus has is having a tendency of using overly powerful techniques for no reason.

To be honest, in general, Illicitus is a character that doesn't fit in too well with this site. His history, and the nature of a race Corrupter like you've depicted, really doesn't seem to Kingdom Hearts-y. :/ Especially since you haven't explained it well.

Similarly, our site is based on story, and story is derived from characters and their growth. Say you never actually have a battle thread on World Destiny. What would he be doing? What are his goals, his dreams, how will he grow as a character? Can you see him interacting with other characters of the site?

This is what really through me off: out of the entirety of your Personality section, almost all of it is related to combat. The rest may actually strike gold if it is developed more! If you don't, he'll feel a bit shallow as a character.

History: Where the heck does this take place? You have question marks for the original world, and no further explanation provided. I have a very narrow image of what his life must have been like before Radiant Garden, because I am not provided with an explanation of the culture he grew up in. A setting has massive affect on a character.

Also, while you have good storytelling, I have tried to make heads or tail of some parts of your history - and have come up short. We need to be told exactly what happened. Imagine your reading a history book of your character's life, not writing a second RP sample. This paragraph, for example, I just couldn't understand what was happening or why;

Illicitus' body felt as if it was being shredded away from the dark energy every second that transpired felt like a lifetime, but after awhile something odd occured the darkness that was rushing past him didn't cause him any sort of pain or agony, but the exact opposite it started to rejuvenate his wounds. Unsure of what to do Illicitus merely watched and thought on all that happened. Betrayed and exiled from his world by the one person he cared about most the one who taught him all he knew. Illicitus' eyes grew weary from the flashing wisps of darkness and against his better judgement he drifted off into sleep.

You know, maybe if you gave more information on where this all is happening and how (I'm quite confused on the Corrupter concept, for example), you'll have a firmer grasp of your character. You and me both, actually.


RP sample: Please split into logical paragraphs, like you'd see in a novel. On World Destiny we double space between each. A massive block of text is harder to read than a font paler than the background.

Also, you are below our word requirement for the RP sample.

In summary: First thing's first - rip through those powers and abilities of his! Strip him of things that he doesn't need, and that don't relate to him as a character. Browse profiles the likes of Kuu, Ink, ect. and observe what they did to make their characters work. Most importantly, give yours room to grow.

If you want to make all these edits but think you'll ruin the idea of your character too much, don't worry about it. You can always start again from scratch, or PM me if you need help.

It's late, I'm human, and your font burns, so I've very likely been unclear in some parts or misunderstood others. Feel free to kick me a message if you need clarification or want to discuss a point.

[Ellie who has 0%]

._. I know you probably conversed via PM, but seeing how he hadn't been on since the 10th...it's safe to presume he's not returning anytime too soon.

;;rejected