Albus [A]

[baili0411]

Name: Albus

Nickname: White

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Position: Neutral

Powers:

Dodge:
With proper training and agility, Albus is able to dodge attacks easily. He can dodge several attacks with success as long as he isn’t distracted. He can’t dodge homing attacks or attacks that have wide range well.

Quick Blitz:
Albus does a quick jumping attack, hitting his enemy from overhead.

Revenge:
When Albus’s life is at risk, a spell cast on him will activate, giving him an aura that covers his whole body and his sword. The aura acts like a shield, and also makes him more agile and make his sword attacks more powerful. Deactivates after the risk is gone, but heavily wears down Albus’s body.

Pickup:
With the special nature of his sword, in which the weapon has a "bond" with the user. The bond is caused because of the marks carved on it to be magical, and also Albus's will to having it while not losing it. Albus can easily find his sword when needed. He can also use something that is shaped similar to a sword, even just at the slightest bit, to summon his sword. He does this by swapping the item with his sword. He could easily swap the sword while the sword it's still within his sight, but due to his still lack of experience using this, Albus uses up more vitality and time if the sword as the sword gets farther from him. He can't use this if the sword is moving, because even though he has a bond with his sword, he has a hard time locating the sword within this situation. He also can't use this across worlds.

Items/Weapons:
Albus's sword:A double-edged sword with marks carved on it, which is based on a part of Albus's spellbook which shows a sword with the mark. The marks look like a kind of ancient language. It also has a modified grip to prevent the sword from falling out the user’s hand easily.

In addition to his sword, Albus also carries the spellbook he got from the wizard with him.

Appearance:
A young teen with yellow skin, black eyes, spiky black hair, and a strange mark on his left arm. He is about 5 feet 3 inches high and weigh 121 pounds. He wears blue low-cut sneakers, gray highwaters, a gray t-shirt, and a dark-blue hoodie underneath. He wears his lucky pendant, a rare crystal, as a necklace. He rolls up the sleeves when it’s hot. He usually carries his sword on his hand, but when he needs to, he attaches his sword at his back, near his waist. While he gets his aura, the mark glows slightly and flashes in random colors.

Personality:
Albus is a easy-going and optimistic kind of person, popping out jokes that he thinks that are funny. Even though, he can get angry easily. He is kinda timid in front of strangers, usually not showing any kind of expression unless he needs to. But when dealing with his friends, he acts totally different, expressing his feelings more and more often, pulling pranks on his friends.

He acts extremely casual on everything in his life. This kind of attitude gets him into trouble often. In heavy contrast, if he wants gets serious, he can achieve things with high quality and efficiency, and can easily pop out constructive advice and the like.

Heavily influenced by the difference of his friends, he can easily adopt to kinds of situations and cultures. He is also very careful about his life, and is willing to do anything if it means to survive.
He likes things that make him "different" from others, and is searching for the one thing that is totally special to him, no matter it being mental or physical, to completely separate himself from others.

Original World: Greath (Original)
Current World:Traverse Town

History:
Albus used to live a rather normal life in his hometown, even though, he still had a great time with his childhood. One day, when Albus was ten, there was a meteor shower. Everyone in the town felt that there is something strange about this meteor shower, but nobody can exactly point it out. Albus and his friends ran off to a mountain to get a closer look. There, a wizard was casting a spell. Albus and his friends ignored the wizard, and viewed the meteor shower. All of a sudden, the wizard cast a spell on Albus. Albus’s body began flashing weirdly, and he fainted. His friends were frightened, some ran away, while others tried to get help from the town. The wizard then disappeared. Strangely, when the people in the town came to search for Albus, they couldn’t find him. After searching for three days, they gave up.

Soon after, the blacksmith of the town happened to come across Albus, unconscious. He took him back to Albus’s house, only to find that his parents are nowhere to be found. He discussed the problem with the master of the dojo. The master decided to take Albus under his care, also for training him. When Albus finally woke up, the master told him what they had known from what the wizard had remained in town. From his magical researches, the wizard noticed that there was something unusual happening from the shard of a meteor. It always flashes wierdly when disasters were going to come, and by the type of the flashes, the wizard knew something really bad was going to happen. It is going affect Greath soon, yet they don't have any protection for it. They don't have any other way to protect the world, so, the wizard decided to give his power to a young man who had the potential, and he chose Albus. He cast a spell, which gave Albus protection when he was in danger. The wizard also put a book on Albus. While Albus was asleep, the master, along with some of the more knowledgeable man tried to read the book and explain it to Albus, but none of them understand the language that was written on it. They could only figure out from the illustrations that it was about magic and spells. After the master explained everything, he gave Albus a sword, and Albus started training under the master. He also tried to let Albus read the book, yet Albus can't understand them either.

His training went well, and Albus became both more powerful and more tactical, on tactics in battle and all that. He had a great time with his friends, and his master actually treated him quite well. Soon, the heartless started invading, not in big amounts, but the big attack was just happening in a matter of time. Albus was sent as a guard of Greath. He did his job quite well, since the heartless weren’t too strong yet. Even though, Greath still fell under the victim of the heartless, and got destroyed. Albus got unconscious for a while, then he felt that he flew into the air, sending up by an updraft. He then landed heavily onto solid ground. Not an easy process, but he still managed to land safely with any serious harms. He looked around, and he found the place he had landed to be a peaceful town. He began to walk around. It was not soon that he noticed an obvious sign saying “Traverse Town.”

Role Playing Sample:
“You find anything interesting yet?” Albus shouted out to his friend as they were searching in the junkyard of the town, again.

His friend, who he always called “Magnet” because he has usually finds a lot of pretty good things made out of metal. His friend didn’t reply, and they kept on searching. Albus and Magnet were good friends since they were children. They often came here, because Magnet is a orphan. He couldn’t find anywhere else comfortable to sleep without going into the wilderness, yet he didn’t want to sleep at the doors of the townspeople’s homes. They often give him blankets and such, and Magnet didn’t like that. That’s one of the reasons why they came here, to find a nice shelter for Magnet, the other is most of the stuff there couldn’t be really called junk, just stuff people don’t want piled together. They could find some really cool things there, like a functional robot, even if it ran out of batteries soon after.

“Hey, I think I found something!” Albus shouted.

Magnet came over, and they pulled the thing out, it was a box, filled with necklaces.

“Well, who would have put these thing there, the necklaces still look new!” Albus said with confusion. “Are these cursed or something like that?”

Then his friend commented about the case, it looked pretty old and broken, and the front of a box has a strange crack.

“Well, I think I get it,” Albus said. “The case does look really old, and it probably used to have a lock in front of it. Maybe the owner couldn’t open it and just threw it away. These look very valuable, we better try and return it.”

So they walked back to the town’s lost and found.

On there way, they saw a man, who had a bag and quickly ran away from the town. Then later a lady chased after him, and was saying that he was a robber. Magnet wanted to go after him, and Albus agreed. Albus picked up a bat that he had put at the town gate just in case, and Magnet immediately chased after the robber. They boys ran much faster than the robber, and soon caught up on the robber. Albus gave him a quick smack to his arm, and the robber lost grip to the bag. Magnet grabbed the bag. Albus hit the robber again in the head. The robber lost balance and fell down.

“Well, that’ll probably teach you,” said Albus as they took the robber and the bag back to town.

Questions/Comments/Suggestions?
Well, I reworked this from my previous profile, I changed a few details and the RP example is something different. Tell me if I can improve.

[Zephiris]

Hi! Just a bunch of questions and pointers. Overall, I like the simplicity and neatness of this profile. :] You have improved.

What is the range of his Pickup ability? How is the sword summoned to his hand - by flying towards it, or vanishing like a keyblade and reappearing in his hand, or something else? And what connects the sword and Albus to make this possible? (Magic, blood, his Heart, something else?)

Speaking of which, what kind of sword is his? Long, broad, thin, thick, dagger-like? You can look online for various types of weapons.

Let's try to get a bit more of a solid core to his personality. You seem to take a lot of little details, and they all work fine, but if I were to imagine your character I don't think I'd be able to think of what defines him, primarily, as a person. A good exercise is to think of just three words that almost sum him up. Not entirely - a person can't be entirely defined by three words! - but pick things that cover him well enough. Then think of his goals and reason for living, or challenges he may need to overcome. May give you a firmer foundation for a lovely, unique character that can grow with you over time.

I’d like to point out a few things regarding his history. First of all, many people outside of hub worlds such as Radiant Garden and Traverse Town aren’t too knowledgable about Heartless, and even more ignorant about keyblades. Now, I don’t think it’s wrong for this wizard to have been observing some things himself, but I think you should limit his knowledge to what he could have observed from Greath. Gummi ships and transportations between worlds are even harder to come by.

Also, saying the master bestowed all of his magic and power to Albus won’t work too well. Magic and power comes with character growth. Don’t give it all to your character before you even start roleplaying! The skill and strength you mention in your history doesn’t match up to well with the Powers section above, either. And I must say I like the Powers section better than what you mention in the History, because it leaves more room to grow.

So try making those two more aligned with each other. I commented on your RP sample in our other thread.

You have a week to edit or ask questions. :]

[baili0411]

I think I'm finished about the editing, at least in the other parts. I feel that there's something still missing in the personality part, but I can't tell.

[Zephiris]

I think the personality isn't about something missing, but about the lack of something connecting him. All your random bits of information about him don't relate to each other. It's a difficult task, but if you can find one or two core qualities about him as a person, you should start from there, and then spiral out the rest of his more minor quirks from that. Also, I'd like to see his goals or dreams in there.

Again, I advise you don't have the wizard bestow anything upon Albus. Have the master teach him, not just give it to him. Like I said, abilities should be earned, not just gifted.

From his magical researches, the wizard noticed that there was something unusual happening within other worlds. He had been around for quite a long time. The wizard felt that the unusual power was strong, and that it might spread to other worlds.

I already addressed this. I'd be much more comfortable if you mention that the wizard observed things from Greath, and got his foreboding feeling from his observations and intuition, and not mention knowledge of other worlds, since he is not your character and therefore not someone you may want to mess with canon information.

Again, please give a range to the pick-up ability. For example: if his sword was on another world, that'd be too far to summon it. But what about in another room? Across a city? Underwater? What if it was tied up? What's the strength of the summon - at what point would the summon fail?

I'm trying to encourage you adding a drawback to this ability, you see.

I'd rather not have to repeat myself a third time, so if you could be sure to do your best to make these edits, or otherwise ask questions regarding them, I'd much appreciate it. (: 5 days to edit.

[baili0411]

Edits finished, I think that's it. I finally got the glimpse of the personality part when I looked up some examples, and I now wonder why I didn't think of that earlier.

[Zephiris]

Good job. Accepted.

You may now post this in the Final Profiles board, and are free to roleplay. It's advised to create a character journal for him as well to keep track, but not a necessity for OC's. Have fun!