Richard Dracos

[Deleted]

Name:
Richard Dracos

Nickname:
Rich

Age:
17

Gender:
Male

Species:
Human

Position:
Chaotic good.
Once part of a secret organization on his Original World. Now he works alone.

Powers/Abilities/Techniques/Skills:

• Dual wield
  
  Richards fighting style relies on using two swords to give quick strikes in an unrelenting assault. A major weakness in his strategy is that it requires him to be in full control of the battle as his defenses are rather pathetic.
  
  
• Fire 1
  
  Richard can cast low level fire spells. As he is unskilled with magic he can only cast one spell per day.
  

Weapon/Items:
Richard wields twin swords said to belong to an ancient hero from his original world. These swords have a very basic look and don't seem very special, however they are made from a material that does not rust or suffer the wear and tear of the battlefield and as such have a very long and storied history.
He also carries a talisman with a red jewel in the center which allows him to change into his dragon form when he puts it on.

Appearance:
Richard stands at about 5'10 with an athletic build. He has a small nose but a big mouth (both literally and figuratively).

Personality:
Richard seems a very carefree and fun individual and while it is true to some degree he is hiding a dark past. He searches for friends anywhere he can find them as he is terrified of being alone, yet is also scared to get close to anyone since he has not had very good relationships in the past. He cannot stand people who use others strictly for their own gain as well as people who hurt other indiscriminately and will resort to any means to avoid and/or defeat them. He is very bad at following orders and tends to just charge into things without thinking them through, as such he works better alone than with a group. Although he comes off as abrasive and overbearing he genuinely cares about others but just isn't very good at showing it. When faced with danger he much prefers to fight and the thought of running away never even crosses his mind.When he has nothing else to do, Richard either reads or practices his fighting skills. He also really enjoys playing games with others. He does not like to talk about his past as he is afraid that it will cause people to turn away from him, preferring instead to focus on the present. He rarely thinks about the consequences of his actions and makes a lot of mistakes (especially in dragon form).

Original World:
Unknown. Richard doesn't know the name of his original world.
In this world magic has mostly been replaced with technology but the mysterious Magus organization protected what magic remained. Richard was a member of this organisation when his world was lost to darkness. There was much corruption and poverty which is speculated to have drawn a large number of Heartless.
Current World:
Traverse Town

History:
Richard was born into a loving and caring family. His parents were very well off and had good values. His mother was a stay at home mom and even home taught him and his sister. His father was one of the very few uncorrupted members of the government who had managed to hold on to his position, however keeping his position required him to be away from home for long periods of time. When he was home, however he showered his family with attention. Richards older sister was very nice, almost to the point of being annoying but enjoyed the time with their family. By the age of 9 (around the time of BBS) Richard had developed a great love of reading and almost always had a new book to read. His favorites were adventure novels, he loved pretending to be the hero and often wished that he could join in on the adventure. He also loved spending time with his family. Everything seemed perfect to him, until he turned 13 when everything he knew started to fall apart. One day his father returned home in a panic, there had been a protest at his work and he had been fired. Within the next 2 years Richards family found themselves living in the streets and having to struggle to survive, the government enacted new policies which made things even harder for people everywhere. At 15 Richard and his sister (who was 17 at the time) were drafted into a government organization known as the Reapers. While Richards sister ended up working in intelligence, Richard was assigned to be an assassin. Richard absolutely hated this job and wanted to get away to a place where he could trust people again since assassins aren't always the most trustworthy people and he had been banned from any contact with his family. After a year in the Reapers organization Richard was approached by a person from the Magus organization who then asked him to join them as they needed someone with his skills. Richard had never heard of Magus before but, tired of being forced to kill people he didn't know, agreed. Richard had received sword training while with the Reapers but had never put it to use before now he learned how to avoid killing yet keep from getting hurt. He learned that Magus was a secret organization (Separate from any government) that worked to preserve the little magic that was left in the world. To this end they often resorted to ancient weapons and magical artifacts. Magus gifted him with a talisman that allowed him to take on the form of any mystical beast that he could imagine. Richard decided to choose a dragon as he loved dragons and thought it was the best choice. He was restricted from using this power often as the magic caused some lingering physical and personality traits from his dragon form. At age 19 (about the time of KH1) Richard was starting to get tired of this job. He wanted even more to see his family or make some friends but because of the organizations rules was allowed minimum contact with the outside world. When he turned 20 the Heartless started invading his world.While this united the people like nothing else would have the Heartless proved too numerous and too strong to hold back. At 21 Richard made one final stand against the army Heartless before his world was lost to the Darkness. He soon found himself not dead but in the world of Traverse Town. This is where his adventure really begins.

Role Playing Sample:
As Richard saw the army of dark creatures standing before him, he growled in frustration.
These "Heartless" as people had come to call them had taken everything that he had cared about within the space of a year. Everyone had tried their best to beat them but it seemed as if for every one that was defeated, two more took their place.
Even in his dragon form, where he was extremely carefree and confident, he could not escape the overwhelming frustration and sadness. He had lost so much and refused to give more. These "Heartless" would not get away with what they had done.
"Alright you dumb monsters. Prepare to meet your destruction." He muttered.
Richard flew over the army and unleashed his fire breath on a group of them. He was a bit annoyed at how little damage it seemed to do.
"Note to self." He thought. "Find a way to make fire breath more powerful."
As the battle wore on Richard realized that he had hardly made a dent in the Heartless' forces, which only served to frustrate him even more.
"Why can't these things just die already?" He asked to no-one in particular.
His wings tired, Richard took the battle to the ground and started with his hand to hand combat skills. but even his extensive training made it hard for him to keep up with all the Heartless attacking at once.
As hard as he fought Richard was finding himself overwhelmed. He broke away from the group surrounding him and retreated to a relatively safe spot.
"this isn't working." he said. "Maybe I should just go after the leader. If they even have one, that is."
He looked around and saw something that looked like it could be a leader and immediately charged at it. He soon found his way blocked by a large number of mage type Heartless which proceeded to attack.
Richard, worn out and utterly thrashed fell to the ground unable to get up. As darkness started to cloud his vision he refused to give up. He couldn't help but feel a sense of complete failure as he lost consciousness.

Richard awoke. surprised to find himself still alive. As he looked around he realized that this was a completely different place then he had come from. He knew that his adventure had just begun.

Comments
Right now this profile is unfinished. I will work on it when I have the time and try to let you know when I have finished it.

[Charme]

I'll be handling this one.

Basics:
Alright, so looking through it says he appears 16 due to slowed aging via the amulet. I read through the profile and discovered that he gained the amulet sometime between 15-16 years of age, meaning that he hasn't aged at all? While not exactly overpowering, it's a bit unrealistic that a magical artifact would grant immortality.

Also- if he loses this talisman, if it's disabled or broken, or stolen- does he lose his dragon form altogether?

Powers:
The powers look pretty good, but I have a few suggestions as to improving them. If possible, could you organize it more proficiently? Oftentimes people will do something like this:

• Power/Passive/Ability 1:
  This power does so and so, means they're stronger, does moderate damage, etc.
  
• Power 2:
  The list form definitely helps get a cleaner, quicker view of your character's abilities and will even help you modify and upgrade them later on via the bullet system.
  
• Power 3:
  Please include damage and cooldown times as well, durations, etc.
  
• Power 4:
  And I'm going to comment on the Dragon Form here:
  Unfortunately having this as a secondary form available at any time probably wouldn't be allowed.. We've only seen one real Dragon in all of Kingdom Hearts, and it was from Maleficent, one of the most powerful sorcerers in Interspace, while her Heart was unlocked and corrupted by Darkness. So this will probably be something we need to specifically take time to iron out and balance to meet the universe's threshold.
  
• And so on...
  

Appearance/Dragon Form:
From what I'm reading, his alternate form is not really a dragon. It's more of a naga or humanoid serpent. Also- why have wings if your abilities list doesn't include flying? Unless you plan to include it they serve no purpose and would most likely get in the way. I'm not trying to bash on your dragon theme but in the Kingdom Hearts universe, a dragon is a four-legged flying magical quadruped with wings, capable of flight and magical abilities, etc. In other words, picture Kingdom Hearts 1's Maleficent battle.

Please elaborate.

Personality:
He's carefree and fun-loving, yet abrasive, rash, and uncaring. These don't really synchronize very well- they make for a very bi-polar character that switches from one end of the spectrum (laid back and happy, likes to have peopel around) =/= (ridiculously rough, headstrong, and doesn't like people).

I would recommend rethinking over his personality as a whole so that while playing him you wouldn't be forced to choose between these two roles that you want to fill, not to mention it will make it easier for you to establish unique relationships with those around you.

Would you rather have a Cloud Strife (uncaring soldier that yearns to be free of his past), a Zidane (free fun-lover that just wants to have fun), or an Edward Cullen (admits undying love then leaves the country because his brother tried to bite you). That's literally what this comes down to. The last is absolutely worthless and would realistically never be able to enjoy a worthwhile relationship because his emotions and actions break the scales.

History:

Number one- please please please double space your history between paragraphs. It's really hard to read otherwise.

So they live in poverty until he and his sister are taken from the family.

At fifteen he becomes an assassin- I wouldn't say that. In the military, it takes a very long time before one is even ready for basic combat, much less designated targets, infiltration, and assassination (and that's for grown adults). This would take quite some time to perfect, especially with a child, who simply doesn't have the strength or battle capacity of a full-grown soldier. I'd recommend fleshing the out and making it more realistic. From what you said he worked there a year before the Magus contacted him- simply put, it would take much longer than one year for him to be donned as an assassin of even low ranks. Also keep in mind that this is Kingdom Hearts we're talking about and profiles have been halted in the past due to the universes simply not matching up whatsoever. Disney didn't have assassins, and you notice that they made Leon/Cloud protectors, guardians, when they were originally mercenaries.

As for the Magus, I like it. A secret organization hidden in a world that has lost almost all of its magic. It could use more fine-tuning and simply put should be the focus of this history. Magic is the Kingdom Hearts universe in a broad way of putting it. Forget military and mercenaries, the Heartless are bred from the Darkness in one's Heart and can eat Hearts to grow stronger- that's straight up fantastical. But here's the thing- number one, if Rich was taken into the government and hidden from his family, why would the Magus simply take him? Especially if they had no government affiliations and he had no foreseeable magical prowess. I could see them kidnapping him, but that raises yet another question.

Why would they give him a ridiculously rare and powerful amulet simply because he knew how to kill people? This is a rather large plot hole that doesn't make sense within the story. There's no major conflict or reason they chose him, and they didn't teach him anything considering he has no magical abilities. Why would he need battle prowess if they simply protected the magic of the world?They simply said 'here you go Dante Basco you're our new American Dragon time to get spunky and dye your hair green'. And then he did nothing. In other words, you need a conflict to start your story and you need to give your character a reason for becoming this Dragoon-type thing. The reason the character embarks on his path, the reason he has to forcibly take the hero's title. More specifically, you need to figure out why he is the chosen one because I'm simply not seeing it.

Other than that, please give us some more info on how and why the Heartless suddenly grew in numbers after all those years of not even existing. The Heartless don't ever just appear- they're a part of the universe, and unless the World exists without Darkness (like Destiny Islands) they will be there. If possible, weave them into the plot.

[Ellie who has 0%]

It's been a week without a response; this profile is rejected due to not being timely. You can always repost this profile and follow-through the notes given for your review can push forward.