[Original] Avari Hyland [A]

[Avari]

ORIGINAL or CANON: Original





Series of Origin: None





What was the inspiration for them / do they embody a particular feeling or emotion?

I've been playing a lot of Unchained X since it got released on mobile in the US, and have thoroughly enjoyed having my own character and felt the need to roleplay an OC in the Kingdom Hearts universe! Also I do enjoy making strong female characters

Avari is going to be all about showing strength, (more so mentally than physically) and though her primary goal is to find her family she'll always have this instinctive desire to be the strongest she can be- or perhaps the strongest period. She doesn't like losing, or knowing someone is better than her, but it encourages to work harder in order to reach the height of those better than her.



Name: Avari Hyland





Nickname: Ava





Age: 16





Gender: Female





Species: Human





Being Type: Somebody





Position: Chaotic Good





Appearance:



Avari stands at a height of 5"4, an average height for a 16 year old such as herself. She has long brunette hair that is normally pulled back into a ponytail as she doesn't like fussing over it too much. In fact she wears her hair up so much that it might take a moment or two to recognize her if she wore it differently. She also has blue eyes. And of course, being the boyish type of girl, she tends to favor simple zip-up jackets or hoodies, jeans, and t-shirts or tank tops. She's not one who would be caught dead wearing a skirt or dress.





History:

She spent almost her entire childhood in Radiant Garden, and its the only place that could feel like home to her despite some similarities a place like Twilight Town may have with it. Amongst her classmates, she was one of the few girls who ran around playing and roughhousing with the boys outside of school. She had always been headstrong as well, and due to her behavior, her friends didn't treat her any differently for being a girl. And though she was well-liked she was always insistent on bringing her younger little brother Kael to play, as he was a timid little boy who didn't make friends as easily as Avari. The other kids tended to feel annoyed by Kael's presence- they considered him a scaredy cat and a tattle tale whenever they decided to stir up trouble in the neighborhood. Still, Avari made it clear to the others that Kael was part of the group and it had always been difficult to argue with the girl. They were a mischievous bunch of kids, and more often than not were sent home to their parents for harassing the citizens of Radiant Garden.


And while Kael was always afraid to get in trouble, Avari was the ever-competitive spirit who wanted to show that she could keep pace with the boys. She always felt the need to prove she was as tough as any of them. So naturally, she was always the first one to take on whatever challenges or dares the others conjured up despite Kael's constant worrying. As the years went by, many of the kids wanted to become guards when they grew up, as their naive fantasies about being warriors and heroes captivated them, Avari included. They'd always spar together after classes with their pretend swords, and to prove they were brave, they'd explore parts of the city that were clearly off limits. Again, Kael was always the voice of reason in all of this but his words were brushed aside each and every time. It wasn't until they came face to face with Heartless that Avari regretted not listening to him. Avari, Kael, and the rest of the kids were chased down by the creatures whilst they were exploring down in the Aqueducts of the city. Unaware that the heartless had already spread all over Radiant Garden, Avari tried to distract the Heartless with her toy sword in hopes that the other kids and Kael could run back and get help. Her friends did not hesitate to leave her but Kael refused to abandon his older sister. So Avari attempted to fend off the monsters with her brother by her side and the distraction lasted long enough for their friends to get away.

But as the heartless overwhelmed the two siblings, and with a toy sword being quite useless in a fight, they were forced to run but before they could make it back home they were cornered. Avari was forced to make a stand, positioning herself between Kael and the heartless in a hopeless attempt to defend him as best she could. That was the last thing she remembered before waking up in Twilight Town where she has remained trapped even after Radiant Gardens was restored and then swallowed by darkness once again. Avari can recall her passed couple of years as lonely for the most part; she asked anyone she could about Radiant Garden, but no one seemed to have ever heard of her home, nor have any concept of any place outside of Twilight Town. It had been awfully puzzling to her, and with no one to help her find a way off this world, she eventually had to adapt to the circumstances she found herself in. She started taking odd jobs around town to help support herself, found some decent living quarters, and all the while, continued hoping she would find a way to leave this place. As time went on however, Avari grew more comfortable with the situation, more than she would have liked, and without any consciousness of it she started referring to her home as Hollow Bastion whenever it came to mind. And as she met more people in Twilight Town she started thinking less and less of her brother and her friends back home. What's more, her troublesome pranking habits seem to fade as well- after all, she only really did all those things in Radiant Garden in order to fit in with her friends. Here in Twilight Town, she soon found other areas to channel her competitive spirit into: Struggle Battles.

Posters for the event were everywhere in town of course, and its citizens buzzed with excitement whenever the event drew near. It had only been a matter of time before Avari got swept up in it all as well. She instantly wanted to be apart of it, to try and obtain that first place prize and be the strongest struggle champion in history. She was terrible at it of course to start off and she didn't cope well with losing at anything. She hated it so much that she strove to work hard to get better at the sport. Some might have told her it was a waste of time, but she got better and better every match and her progress encouraged her to keep going at it. She even made it to the finals during one of the last Struggle competitions, and it still frustrates her to no end that she never became a Champion at it. A few days after one of her last struggle matches she was reminded of something far more important. As if from nowhere, it hit her; Hollow Bastion's true name, Radiant Garden. She couldn't understand how she could ever forget the name of her home, but it was a strike to the heart. She not only forgot her home, but she forgot Kael.

Upon realizing this, Avari drew her interest away from Struggle and pulled away from the friends she had met during her time in Twilight Town. She became angry and frustrated with herself. She wasted so much time enjoying herself here when she could have spent it finding a way to leave and seek Kael out. As fruitless as it was, she began exploring the parts of Twilight Town she hadn't seen before. She learned the ins and outs of the Underground, possibly to find some route to a secret location in Town or even an exit, however silly it sounded. Avari even went as far as to try to gain access to a strange manor through a crack in the city's walls, but she couldn't get passed the gate. She slowly started feeling more desperate for a way out and felt that every day was more time wasted. And she had more run ins with monsters, not quite like the ones that destroyed Radiant Garden, but dangerous all the same. Each time they snuck up on her during her lone explorations, and each time her measly struggle weapon proved useless and she would have to run away. It only fed her anger and sense of helplessness further. She didn't know how she would ever find Kael if she couldn't so much as defend herself against these white creatures, or even the dark creatures for that matter.

In the present, Twilight Town is a shadow of what it once was. The sky is always dark and the moon is shattered on the horizon. Buildings have collapsed or have become otherwise inaccessible and the world itself is more dangerous than ever. Avari had to abandon her living quarters and instead found an intact room to an old apartment building, which she gains access through a window on a low rooftop. She doesn't keep much there, just her old battered toy sword from home which she had long outgrown, some food and supplies, and a sum of munny she kept stashed away for safe keeping. And unable to accept to defeat, she still searches for a way to find her brother. Needless to say, she finds it difficult to relax these days.





Current Primary Objective: To reunite with her brother no matter what it takes. She refuses to accept the possibility that he's dead and won't so much as entertain the thought, even after all this time. Her determination to find him one day is what keeps her going.





Learning type: Kinesthetic - she tends not to listen very well when a teacher or mentor instructs her, but learns rather quickly through doing the act rather than by seeing it done or having someone tell her how to do it.





Personality: Though she has become more reserved since her separation with her brother, she is still the same headstrong and impulsive young girl she was back home. She can be quite reckless and likes to show off and let people know that she's tougher than she looks. She always felt some need to appear 'tough' and even more so now with the loss of her brother and with no clues on how to find him. She is still reasonably social to those around her, and has no anxieties about talking and meeting new people. And for those she cares about, Avari is fiercely protective- something she learned during the destruction of her home.





Home World: Radiant Garden





Natural Affinities/Abilities/Skills:

     Good fighting instincts - She has good instincts when it comes to sparring, though she doesn't have any formal stances or techniques. If she had to fight, a lot of her attacks would be improvised on the spot.

     Surprising strength - Not superhuman strength or anything, just simply above average for a girl her age due to all the time she spent keeping up with the other kids back home; either by roughhousing, or climbing, etc.




Limitations/Drawbacks:

     Impulsive - Especially in a fight, she may act before thinking or act reckless because she hasn't analyzed the situation well enough. She could be quick to judge people. She's the sort of person who would jump in to stop a bully only to wind up like the bullied that she was trying to help.

     Limited Magic - Magic is not her strong suit or at least her least favored method of fighting. She'd much rather take the direct approach with a physical weapon in her hand. She'll be capable of some magic, mostly Earthly sorts, but it's doubtful she would rely on it often.





Passive:

Heartborn Sentinel





Weapon: All she really has is an old struggle sword she used back when Twilight Town still held the competitions. It does little against heartless and nobodies, but at the very least she can bat a few away in order to clear an escape route.





Role Playing Sample: Market Street was busy with people; refugees who were looking for a place to settle for a short rest much like Avari was at the moment. She waded through the crowds, her eyes scanning their faces with the small hope she might recognize someone. She did not. With her hands shoved into her coat pockets and a toy sword hooked to one of the belt loops on her jeans she made her way towards the far end of market street, knowing it would be difficult to find a place to sleep with all these people around. She would hear murmurs among the other people from time to time about 'monsters' and 'the stars disappearing in the sky'. She couldn't help but look up now and look at all the stars above, as if waiting to see one flicker out for herself.

As she understood it, every star was another world, like this one and like her homeworld, and each time one disappeared, that was a whole world gone forever. Each star that went out was another place that Kael could have been that was now destroyed. And those monsters- the heartless- would they appear here too, like they had back home? Avari wasn't sure what she could do to protect herself the next time she ran into those creatures. The thought filled her with frustration and a feeling of helplessness.


Eventually she found herself a spot on a low rooftop, where she didn't think she would be bothered. After sitting down and making herself as comfortable as she could, she couldn't help but look up at the sky again. She then mumbled to herself, "Hope you're alright Kael. I'll find you, somehow." She let out a sigh before her gaze fixated on the shattered moon. She missed the light and warmth of the Sun and this place was so dark. The sky remained as it was no matter what time of day. She spent some time fidgeting with her old toy sword and watching the people move about in the streets below before eventually settling down and falling asleep.





Questions/Comments/Suggestions? I hope this is detailed enough Thank you for taking the time to look over my application!

[Bayde]

The black-hooded Moogle awakens from his slumber and glances wearily at your profile. Wistfulness fills his eyes as his mind tries to go back to better times that have long since been misplaced somewhere in his memories. He seems sluggish; drowsy, even. Is something wrong with the little guy?

Kuu~

Is he really so tired that he can't even finish the signature verbal tick that his species is known for? Well, regardless, his eyes seem sharp enough to glance over the papers you've presented before him with a good eye for detail. At least his work ethic hasn't gone out the window with his temperament

There's a few things I'd like to point out here.

Firstly, you call Radiant Garden "Radiant Gardens" in the beginning of your history. An honest mistake, kuu.

Second, you've got Kael's name in parentheses when you first say it, but those don't need to be there.

Adding to that, I'm going to take a minute to point out some areas where your comma use could improve.

One of your habits is adding commas on the end of sentences that don't need them, kuu. Here, take a look, kuu.

"So naturally she was always the first one to take on whatever challenges or dares the others conjured up, despite Kael's constant worrying."

This sentence here is missing a comma after that prepositional phrase - the bit that you could usually stick on the end of the sentence and not need a comma for it to read smoothly, kuu. Not only that, but the comma that is there shouldn't be.

"She spent almost her entire childhood in Radiant Gardens, and its the only place that could feel like home to her, despite some similarities a place like Twilight Town may have with it."

This sentence falls victim to the same problem, kuu. That last comma doesn't need to be there, and it actually sort of messes up how things are supposed to read.

Think of commas like speed bumps and periods like stop signs, kuu. Where do you want people to slow down their speaking for a bit? Where should pauses be to emphasize certain clauses? Stuff like that, kuu.

Focus primarily on those areas in your grammatical edits. Now, onto the narrative itself, kuu.

Your early history is working well, but you taper off at the end, kuu. Avari's time spent in Twilight Town isn't elaborated on, and that's a lofty amount of time to go without explaining. Try to go back through and really dig into your character's emotions, kuu. With everything that happens, tell about how she felt. Make her the main character of the whole story, kuu. You spend more time talking about Kael than you do about her. Try to add specific events in to make this easier. Talk about how she reacts to all of them. This should line up with her personality section of course, kuu.

All right, kuu. You've got two weeks to make any edits you want and then update this thread saying you're ready to be re-graded. Remember, we aren't looking for perfection, we just want to see you're willing to keep improving even while writing recreationally, kuu!

With that, the Moogle suddenly and quite rudely dozes back off.

[Avari]

Okay, I believe I have addressed and fixed each of the points you were referring to! ^-^

[Bayde]

With a skeptical, sleepy eye, the shrouded creature takes in the words on the papers you've presented before him. His intense stare betrays the dark circles under his eyes and the complexion that would be considered pale even by other moogles. It's clear that Bayde is not taking care of himself, but his mind is still somehow in a good enough condition to run this checkpoint

"Kuu...

Well, this should do nicely. Your work ethic throughout this process is appreciated. I wish you accelerated growth, kuu. Please look out for a PM that will detail your rewards."