Shaizen Latross [Tireal] [A]

[Shaizen Latross]

'ORIGINAL or CANON: Original

Series of Origin: Kingdom Hearts

Inspiration: The inspiration behind this character is my strong, spiritual belief that balance is key to life. Like said belief, Shaizen is balanced perfectly between Light and Darkness, and fights to keep the balance as such. Shaizen is also based off my own impulse to fight for those he cares for, and any he may come to care for.

Emotion: Shaizen also is, in a way, based off my ability to be nearly emotionless whenever I wish. While I am usually a rather happy-go-lucky guy who gives no Fs, I can also become rather emotionless should the need ever arise. Shaizen almost always has his emotions under control in such a way. Very rarely does he ever show emotion, even when with friends

Name: Shaizen Latross of Tireal

Nickname: Shai ((Obvious short version of his name)) or Dul ((Created as an alias for a guild he is a part of on his home world))

Age: 21


Gender: Male

Species: The species Shaizen is part of is known as the Tirealians. On their home world of Luniel, they were known as a race of rather technologically advanced beings, with metal cities run by magic, some of which is unique to the Tirealians, dotting the world. The species started off making small things, tools, weapons, maybe a trinket here and there. After years of such, they began to explore more into the world, wondering through ruins of past civilizations and learning new things, discovering unknown magics.

They learned to harness these magics, and began to use them. Once they started looking into magics, they realized the potential of combining them with their technology, and began to rise within a world of war between Light and Darkness.

Using space magic, they built teleportation devices for individual citizens to use in their day-to-day travels. While limited to a single person per use, and without the capability to actually transport certain materials, the teleportation devices proved useful in improving life within the cities. 

Light magic was used for a multitude of things. First, they made special lights in the cities that fended off the darkness. Shields were created to protect the cities from any kind of harm, whether it be heartless or even bandits, should they ever attack

Within Salos, Fire magic was used to keep the forges burning, adding heat to metal-melting forges the smiths labored over all day. Bakeries within Yolin also use Fire magic to run their ovens. 

Brayza uses a holographic-type magic to power projectors in order to better portray certain examples and graphs for the classes. Other cities using the same magic to power their advertising for each cities' different roles and deadlines for the work.

They began to build cities made from the strongest materials in order to protect themselves from the war outside. The materials they used are mined from deep within the world, two different materials the Tirealians call Lunar Steel and Darkened Iron. While Lunar Steel was used to make the buildings of the city, giving the buildings their shining look, Darkened Steel was used to hold and transport the magics that power the city throughout the city itself, formed into a system of pipes or wiring.

Once a civilization was built, they began to train in themselves in different ways, forming three guilds within the city.

The Scribes ran the city's mechanics and made sure everything worked properly, using their advanced magics to aid in battles should they occur.

The Phoenix Guard trained to use every weapon possible, arming themselves and honing their skills to be elite fighters, all in order to protect whichever city they are based in. Their main purpose was to uphold the law within each city, though they were used in the civil disputes that would erupt between the different cities as well.

The Wigs kept the peace within the city civilization itself, acting as law enforcement and the court itself.

The three guilds worked together to maintain survival of the Tirealians, and named the first city Tireal, which is how they got their name.

The cities and mechanisms made by these people are known as beautiful and stunning by many who see them. Each guild worked to make life better and safer for the citizens of the cities, despite the civil unrest between the cities

To protect themselves from the Heartless, they made a shield generator which could only be used by the few who knew a certain spell, the shield spanning the entirety of the city it was placed within. The shield could withstand the strongest of attacks, having survived through the earliest of attacks on the cities themselves. Powered by the magics of a group of nine Scribes, said to be the strongest of the guild, this shield is said to be a physical representation of their care for the people, and their will to protect them.

The streets of the cities are used solely as places to walk, with the occasion of using it for kiosks, with no vehicles of any kind within the city. Besides walking, the main form of transportation was through teleportation devices. These devices were chosen in place of vehicles due to the fact that a few devices would take less power than a vehicle for every person within the city. They were run by space magic, using the magic to transport the user great distances in a split second. 

During recent years, as the darkness would grow, the Scribes realized they would need to find a way to fight back the darkness so they could keep the balance between Light and Darkness. Thus, they began working on a form of lights that were powered by Light magics, lighting the streets while at the same time creating a barrier against the darkness, protecting the citizens and keeping the balance.

The Phoenix Guard began losing more and more to the creatures of Darkness outside the city, realizing they couldn't keep fighting them so up close and personal. As a solution, they  began working on ways to fight them more effectively, with long range and taking them out in bulk. They used destructive magics to make guns, turrets, and other weapons to make fighting the creatures easier, also forming armors in the same way.

The Wigs realized that without an organized way to live, the cities would fall to chaos. Seeing this, they set to work on putting in place sections of the city that were to be used for specific purposes, such as a market, living quarters, or transport area. They marked these areas by holographic signs, each depicting a different insignia to show what the area was.

Position: Good

Appearance: Shaizen stands at just over six feet tall, a rather tall figure compared to most other Tirealians. His eyes shine with a rich, purple hue, piercing into anything they look at. His hair hangs past his shoulders, pitch black with strands hanging in front of his shoulders. His bangs are pushed back to keep them from hanging in front of his eyes. He wears blue jeans that are just a little loose, though are the perfect length for his legs. He also dons a white muscle-shirt with a black leather jacket. The jacket he wears has the emblem of the phoenix guard on the back, two swords crossed together with the wing of a phoenix blazing behind them. A necklace is clearly visible around his neck, once belonging to his father who was taken by heartless. The necklace is a simple crystal shaped into a crescent moon, the string a tan hemp. He wears a belt with pouches in which he holds any potions or materia he may gain. On his feet are a pair of combat boots, metallic strips running though both boots, adding to their durability. The boots were actually standard in the Phoenix Guard, and Shaizen never wears any other types of shoes.He is a lean yet muscular being with very little body fat and much more muscle. His left arm has a tattoo of fire and lightning running down his arm towards his hand, the two clashing as though they were fighting within the tattoo. His chest has a scar running from his left shoulder to his right ribs, the result of a fight with a rather powerful heartless

History: Shaizen was born in a little-known word called Luniel. His family was among the higher ranks of the Phoenix Guard, and were greatly respected by the Tirealian community. The city he was born in, Tireal, was the capital city of the civilization and was placed directly between the Light and the Darkness of the world, in perfect balance. While outside the walls was a rather beautiful land, it was also dangerous. Bandits roamed the lands, banned from the cities due to certain crimes, from smuggling to more destructive crimes. Occasional battles raged outside the walls as Shaizen grew up, reminding those within the walls that not all was so grand within the world of Luniel. Along with the bandits was the occasional heartless, though they were rare and weak when seen. 

The Tirealians remained within the castle walls, leaving the city only through teleportation devices to go to one of the other cities. Larger parties of people, such as trading caravans, had to travel by foot to the other cities, as the teleportation devices had a limit of size and certain materia and to be transported at once. Shaizen grew up within the Phoenix Guard barracks, where his family stayed in order to better complete their duties. He almost never saw his parents, both always off to do battle within outside the city, sometimes gone for weeks at a time. When he was six, he received a message from the Phoenix Guard Scout that both of his parents had been taken by heartless, and he was left alone.

After he hit the appropriate age, he began training with his the Head of the Guard, named Gil. Gil had fought alongside his father, and had taken Shaizen in as respect towards his father. He was first trained him with a sword, toiling endlessly to master the art if the blade. During his time training, he and Gil became close, and he soon began to think of Gil as a father. Once he mastered the sword, Gil taught him to harness Light and Darkness as magics, to use them during battle, while not being taken by either of the powers during their use. It took Shaizen many years to master Light magics, and to hone his skill with with it, during which time, Gil would test him over and over until he was satisfied with the results. He still has yet to master that of Darkness though. Once Shaizen hit 20, Gil told him his training was complete, and that there was nothing within the Phoenix Guard he could learn, and sent him out to the field, as a test to see what all he had successfully learned.

On the field, Shaizen saw very little action, until just near the end. While their target was a bandit fortress, they instead ran into something that was yet to be seen in Luniel; a horde of Heartless, lead by a Darkside. Deep Darkness pushed towards them, followed close by the heartless themselves. As Shaizen stood there, dazed and confused about what was happening, he heard the order to charge the army of Heartless. Heeding it, he rushes into the battle as other soldiers rushed behind and around him. As they got to the heartless, he began to fight with all his might. Soon after the fighting began, he saw the numbers of the heartless greatly exceeded that of his fellow squad members. After fighting for several hours, he began to realize that they were going to be taken by the heartless if they didn't retreat. As he turned to speak with the commanding officer about it, the large Darkside heartless appeared on the field and took a swipe at them with its large arm, taking out most of them and leaving the rest injured. As the Heartless began closing in, Shaizen heard another battle cry, this time coming from Gil and a smaller army of Guards. They pushed back the Heartless as the injured were taken into the city, Shaizen watching as Gil closed the gates before passing out.

Waking up in a hospital, the first thing Shaizen realized was the pain in his chest where he had been struck by the heartless. Taking the covers away, he saw a large bandage wrapped around the area where the wound was. Gil appears at that moment, explaining what had happened, and that, even though he was a little too late in giving the order, Shaizen had passed the test by realizing that not all battles can be won. He would then help Shaizen get dressed into an official Phoenix Guard uniform, walking him to a ceremony that was being set up and explaining that after he was through with the ceremony, he would be ordered to go 'elsewhere'. Shaizen was unsure what that meant, but he thought that perhaps it meant another city. Gil would then explain that The three heads of the guilds within Tireal would speak with him, Shaizen, completely taken by surprise, began to wonder what was actually happening, Gil saying he was unable to say.

Within the next week, Shaizen recovered due to the advanced healing of the mages there. Once recovered, he got word from the Heads, summoning him to the Spire, their headquarters. As he arrived, he saw the three leaders waiting for him. The Unwavering Talon of the Phoenix Guard, The Collected Amber of the Scribes, and the Giddy Cid of the Wigs. He would bow to them, showing respect to all of them before saluting to Talon. After he was finished greeting them, they would begin to congratulate him on becoming a high ranking Phoenix Guard, and would honor him for such. They then explained that he was indeed going to another city, one that was in the darkness. It was the city of Yolin. They said while they were unsure if he would make it, as the teleportation devices did not reach out that far, that he was the one up for the task.
The next day, he would say goodbye to his comrades and to Gil, armed with the finest weapons the city could offer and sent on his way.

He was never to make it to Yolin. After exiting the city, he walked for hours, soon to come across a wall of darkness. Heartless were pouring from the wall, rushing off in different directions until another Darkside appeared, this one even larger that the first. The power emitting from this beast was intense, enough to surround and envelope Shaizen in Darkness. Fighting to remain balanced as he had always known, he cloaked himself in a protective barrier, given to him by Gil. The darkness would grow darker and darker, covering his view until he was to pass out, unaware of anything until he woke again. He was in a rather odd place, one unknown to him. It was strange, even felt different than home. He tried contacting Tireal, but was left unanswered, deciding to wonder and discover just what this new place was...

Current Primary Objective: Shaizen is in an unknown land. Priority one; find out where he is, and why he is here

Learning type: Shaizen learns in a few ways. He can learn from watching someone, seeing how they do things and applying it to his own ways. He can also learn by fighting something and studying its movements, it techniques and then adapting his own so that they counter the enemy, thus adding new skills to those he already possesses

Personality: Shaizen is, in most cases, a calm and collected being. He was trained to keep his emotions held back, especially in battle, unless he believed it were a special occasion. Despite this, he is actually a rather caring person, should you be kind in return. He fights to protect, whether it be himself, or others. He never starts a fight, and only fights should he be attacked first, or someone around him. His only real fear is that of being alone, as he has feared since the death of his parents. While he will indeed fight, he is usually more towards winning through a non-lethal method, should one arise.

He is rather interested in any forms of technology or magics that he find outside of his world, wanting to learn from them and bring the knowledge back home. He has few hobbies, most being based around magics, such as using them to create beautiful little shows. He also enjoys making weapons, as he was training himself to forge a little before he was whisked off of his world.
Shaizen is a more tidy and organized person, in his own way. Where some see a mess, to him, it is perfectly organized, with everything exactly where he wants it to be. He has a rather patient manner, being able to wait for hours on end without feeling annoyed.

In the face of danger, he remains calm, keeping a level head as he searches for the best way to get rid of the enemy. Alone, he remains cautious of himself, making sure to stay out of harm's way. In a group, he will remain alert to those around him, doing what he can to make sure they are safe, but staying out of their way at the same time

While he has a certain hatred towards Heartless for killing his parents, he could never hold a grudge against them, due to never really seeing them, as they were always off in battle. A few higher ranks thought bad of him, as they believed he should wish to kill all heartless for killing his parents. Instead of this hatred, Shaizen sees the heartless as just another species, fighting for survival, just like they were. Bothered by these mixed feelings, he feels pity at times when fighting heartless, sometimes not even wanting to fight them. 

Home World: Shaizen's home world is a little known world balanced perfectly between Light and Darkness, named Luniel. The world itself is perfectly balanced as well, Light and Darkness equal throughout the entire world. The two powers are equal in a sense where they are almost like the opposite poles of the world. On what many would consider the north pole is the source of Luniel's Light, shining across that entire half of the planet with its power. On the other side of the world, where the south pole would be is the source of the world's darkness. Despite this balance though, it is a rather harsh world, as the two powers are constantly in turmoil against each other. Heartless are a rare sight to see, except at the point of origin for the darkness. Despite the odd separation of the Darkness and Light, the world is actually beautiful, as the darkness and light fighting against each other forms majestic and wondrous formations on the surface of the world along where they meet. This 'equator' separates two completely different landscapes; one being what one might find on a normal world, he other side being what one might find within the realm of darkness itself.

The Tirealians, named after their capital city, Tireal, have created multiple cities throughout the world, five to be exact. Each city is large, surrounded by a field that protects it from the darkness and light, so that balance within can be kept, as balance between the two is what the Tirealians believe most important. The cities are known as Tireal, Yolin, Direk, Salos, and Brayza, each almost of equal size and beauty. Despite their similarities and common goals, the cities fight each other at times, as each are filled with people who believe the others are just waste, and need to focus more on what their city does. These disputes lead to riots between the different workers, forcing the cities to be divided, so they could work together in a more peaceful way.  The cities are all made of an two main materials, one that is a rather bright, white/silver color and is known as Lunar Steel. The other material is called Darkened Iron, and appears to absorb light, appearing black and almost sinister.

The cities are all run by the same three guilds, each city's guilds run by different heads.

The Phoenix Guard protect the city from harm, mainly originated from heartless, and have extreme training regimens. Trained by the head of the Phoenix Guard, know as the Captain, a Guard-in-training is forced to go through vigorous training, being able to get only a max of four hours of sleep in a night before being woken up to begin training. On a daily basis, they train for 3 hours non stop with weapons, against each other most of the time. Afterwards, they run the length of the city, aiming for the highest time due to certain rewards given to the one with the best time. After the run is lunch, in small proportions followed by durability and stamina training, the routine different every time. Once the trainees have graduated and are made full fledged Phoenix Guards, they are given three days rest to prepare for the fight, usually also given money to buy all the food they want. A Guardsman is respected though-out the city, and can handle near any weapon he is given to use, remaining level headed and calm in almost any situation

The Scribes are the ones who run the magics and power of the city. In a city that is almost completely run by a magic unique to the Tirealians, the Scribes constantly look for ways to improve the ways to power the city. Magic powers the transportation, the electronic devices, including lights, automatic doors, and other day-to-day objects. Most transportation around the city is done by teleportation devices, as the streets of the city are used mainly for kiosks. A Scribe is chosen by the Grand Scribe, and is chosen for either their natural abilities with magics, their cunning and skills with technology, or their ability to think of new ways that out-do the old. Once chosen, a Scribe is put through a school of sorts, learning the basic magics a Scribe must know in order to perform their duties. It take only a few months, but by the end, a Scribe has learned near the entirety of how the city runs, what magics power the city, and how to take care of the city. Afterwards, the new Scribes are sent on their way to their new lives within the city.

The Wigs, as they are called by the civilians of the city, take care of the city's own law systems, making sure peace is kept within the the city. The Wigs are actually a rather comedic bunch outside of their duties, thus their comedic names. They make laws that are fair to everyone, uphold the laws in court, and are actually few in numbers. One is chosen to be a Wig when they have learned and understand every law, and show the promise of wishing to uphold the laws. The Head of the Wigs, known as the Big Wig, takes the advice and suggestions of his council, who make up the rest of the Wigs and number around twenty. As a council, they decide the verdict, they decide how to best run everything that is fair to everyone.

Even though each City has the same three Guilds, each of the five has its own specialty. They are all based in a location that suits their needs and specialization. And while each of them uses Lunar Steel and Darkened Iron, they are all made of different materials that better help them in their day-to-day activities.

Tireal itself specializes as a hub, connecting the other cities together, and tends to be a central market, along with training most of the three guilds' members. Made mainly from Lunar Steel and Darkened Iron, the occasional brick wall or plaster can be seen within the markets themselves. Cluttered and more populated than the other cities, it is almost never quiet, with people walking at all times and the stores open around the clock. 

Yolin dedicates its resources to providing food for the Tirealian civilization, along with providing clothing. A city who's buildings are only supported with Lunar Steel, it's main structural material is brick, the shine from the Lunar Steel mixed with a red hue. Most people within this city are dressed in rather odd clothes, each person in their own style as they make their own clothes along with that of the rest of the cities. A city known as colorful and usually upbeat, the people within are actually offended easily if you show sign of dislike towards their looks and styles. This city houses the main Headquarters for the Wigs, as the guild of cheerful, usually upbeat members find the city to be just their style. 

The citizens of Direk work to manufacture the different technologies of the cities, and to also mine the resources and materials used to make the different technologies of the world. A city that is filled with technology, as they test their product before sending it off, any technical minded person would enjoy this city. The streets are always filled with the sounds of electrical and mechanical activity. The people within the city are usually seen bustling around, always busy and rushing off to some place or other. While they look rather friendly, they usually tend to brush off strangers as they believe what their current destination is proves to be more important than the questions of a newcomer.  They are usually found within the factories on the edge of the city.

Salos works to forge the weapons and armors for the Phoenix Guard, toiling under the heat of the forges on a daily basis. A city that is usually heated by the number of forges, it usually has higher temperatures, with ash and smoke from the forges filling the air. With the city made mostly of cinder and red bricks, save the Lunar Steel foundations and Darkened Iron mechanical pipes and wires, the streets are lined with carts and lanes for material transport. The city is rather dark, with a more serious feeling always hanging in the air. Despite this, the people who live here, most of which are rather big and burly, all able to handle themselves in a fight, are rather kind and gentle once you get to know them. The main headquarters of the Phoenix Guard happens to be here, near the center of the city.

Brayza is the educational center for the Tirealian civilization, providing the young with what they need for the every day lives. A clean and rather well kept city, most of the buildings are made of brick and drywall with the usual foundation. Educational buildings make up around a quarter of the city's very size, with four large structures and school grounds on each side of Brayza. Filled with scholars and students of all ages, it is a rather quick paced city, with pupils bustling to get to their next class and teachers always rushing to get their next lesson ready. If one is able to catch a citizen of this city while they aren't 'busy', they will act rather hostile, rambling about how a stranger ruined their 'planning'.

These five cities are all beautiful in their own way, each helping each other out due to the law of the land and the Guilds. But under this beautiful outer skin is conflict, each city not trusting the others for about the same reason. While they all help each other, each city believes they are being taken advantage of by the other cities, due to unfair prices between them all. Along with that, they all have their own reasons, as obvious civilization would have it.

Yolin believes the other cities are asking for too much food for too little prices. They believe that, since they are the ones who grow and harvest the food, they should get first dibs at what they want and however much they want, and give the other cities as little as they wish. This causes the other cities to believe that Yolin is trying to starve them out, and thus increase their hatred towards of the people of the city.

Direk keeps its best technologies for itself, including shielding, power transportation, and automatic systems. Other cities see this as Direk trying to make themselves more advanced, thus more defended than other cities. This lead to the theory that Direk might leave the other cities to die should they be attacked, and thus hatred for them rose as well.

Salos would keep the best weapons they forged for their own Phoenix Guard, giving them the strongest and most powerful weapons before sending out weaker weapons and armors to other cities. Others believed this was to prepare themselves for an invasion against other cities. The Wigs of Salos did everything they could to make sure they all knew that they were not going to invade, eventually calming the other cities. Despite this, other cities still have a rather strong distrust of Salos.

Brayza isn't trusted because of a rumor that was started saying that the schools were teaching their children that Brayza was the center of all Luniel, saying that the other cities were jealous of this fact and that they made up their own stories to outshine Brayza. The other cities took this rumor and began believing that instead of just teaching these things, they were possibly brainwashing them into believing this. With no evidence of such, however, they had no choice but to leave the city alone, though the distrust is still there

Tireal itself is actually trusted, as every city goes through it, but it is a location that each of the other four wish for themselves, as its prime location would grant them almost instant power against the other cities. Tireal acts as a mediator city, keeping peace between the other cities by controlling the prices between them so that it is as fair as possible and making sure all young get the same education.

Outside the cities is what many of the civilians know as 'forbidden', or even 'free land' to the few fanatics of their own city.

Some see it as forbidden because of  the fact that outside the city is dangerous, due to bandits who were banned form the cities and the few heartless one might see. While it is rare to see one, an occasional heartless can be found outside the city, and is usually temporarily gunned down by the border guard.

Those who believe their city to be the true city of Luniel call the lands outside the cities 'free land', meaning they believe if you stake a claim, no matter which city claims that area, that land belongs to you, and you have the right to protect it form anyone and everyone. There are some who have joined ranks with bandits and built fortresses in these lands, usually close to travelers' roads. These people are infamous for stopping and raiding any caravans that pass even close to their fortress, and are targets for the Phoenix Guard

Despite these things, the outside world is a beautiful mixture of Light and Darkness. Within Light are landscapes covered in fields of flowers unseen anywhere else, in all colors and deep forests full of wildlife. Within the Darkness are rugged mountains shining with revealed crystal and crevices digging deep into the earth. Barren yet beautiful, these lands seem to shine at night like the starry sky.   

Natural Affinities/Abilities/Skills: Due to his inability to control the darkness during his training, Shaizen instead controls the Light. His abilities are based around combat.

Shaizen can channel light into his blade, not only making it efficient against creatures of darkness, but increasing its very size by coating it in a silhouette of Light and allowing him to cut through dispel darkness.

Shaizen can channel Light through his entire body, cloaking himself in a solidified form of it to add protection to himself in the form of an armor. This armor protects him from dark attacks, weakening their power so that he doesn't take much damage from them and increasing his speed at the same time.

He can also channel his Light into a single, powerful beam that can stagger a Darkside, doing decent damage, just enough to turn a battle should it ever be needed. He hardly ever uses this attack, as it drains him greatly.

Limitations/Drawbacks: The limitations to Shaizen come with his abilities. His Light Blade can only be used twice during a fight, being able to be summoned rather quickly but taking a bit of energy, and takes a single post to summon 

His armor takes a single post to form, using concentration to form Light in such a way that can be broken should he be hit during its formation. He can still move around during its formation, so he can avoid the damage should he pay attention.

His Light Beam takes one post to charge, having to concentrate his energy into his hand while avoiding his enemy and can only be used once per thread. It drains his energy immensely, making it so that he is rather vulnerable should he use it before his enemy is weakened.

His main weakness outside of abilities is his wish to protect those he may come to care for, such as friends he may make during his new adventure. This could lead to him putting himself in harm's way for them, effectively getting himself badly injured

Passive: Shaizen's passive is based around his species' important belief of balance. Having been trained to remained balanced between Light and Darkness himself, he has a natural defense against both powers, giving him resistance to both in battle

Weapon: Shaizen uses two main weapons, both long-swords, and keeps a hidden defensive barrier device on his person at all times. His swords, name Lunar and Eclipse, are swords of opposing power.

Lunar possesses the power of Light, being used to cut through heartless and other creatures of darkness, while Eclipse is a blade of Darkness used to fend off any hostile creatures of Light.

Both blades have the ability to send out waves of their power when swung, effectively making them long range as well.

The two swords' appearances also oppose each other. Lunar is elegant in design, with a smoothly curved blade that shines in the Light, swirling designs etched in the sides of the blade. Eclipse, on the other hand, is a wicked, razor edged blade with spiked designs where the blade and handle meet, the blade itself serrated and designed with darkened designs of emblems on the blade.

Role Playing Sample: 

Shaizen stood at the bottom of the tower known as the Spire, the headquarters for the Guilds that stands tall above any other building. To this day, he had always admired this tower, its shining metallic surface reflecting Light across the city, giving it an almost holy look. As he stood there, his mind would flash back to his conversation with his mentor and father-figure, Gil. His voice rings in his his head as he thinks back

"Shaizen, I just want to let you know now how proud I am of you, and how proud your father would have been. In fact, I am sure he is looking down now, your mother at his side as they smile down on you"

"You knew my father then? Wish I could day the same. I hardly ever saw them. They were always off at battle somewhere or other"

"Yes, we were comrades, and fought on the field together many times. Mainly taking out hose bandit fortresses. I wish he was here, but I know he is proud of  you, seeing how great you have become. Not just strong, but wise"

At that moment, Gil had sighed and looked away. His usual cheerful face had a look of sadness, his happy mood replaced with one of sorrow. This was rather unusual for Gil, as he had a strict code to remain in the best of moods while outside of battle, so as not to let a battle-spoiled mood interfere with those in the city

"The Guild Heads wish to see you. You are going elsewhere, to aid others. I do not know where, I was just told you were being sent away"

At that moment, Shaizen's attention was drawn away from the flashback as he was greeted by Talon, Captain of the Phoenix Guild. The Captain was a rather large, muscular man, with armor covering everything except his arms. The armor was made out of Darkened Iron, with intricate swirling design made from Lunar Steel. Despite his rather intimidating look and demeanor, Talon was actually a rather kind man, and always enjoyed making friends, usually by drinking them under a table.

"Greetings, Dul. I see you have come on time. Most get lost on the way here. No real surprise, as the streets in this sector are rather... maze-like. I wish to officially congratulate you, on your promotion. A Blade now, one of the higher ranks. You make me proud"

Shaizen would bow, showing respect to the compliment before saluting his leader, holding his left hand behind his back and his right hand balled into a fist over his heart

"I thank you. I just hope I prove myself worthy of the title. And yes I know these streets. I have walked them many times. I... well, I have always admired this building. A shining beacon of hope in a world that is torn by war that's not quite war"

Talon would nod before turning and walking into the tower, beckoning Shaizen to follow, who would walk behind his leader as they got onto a lift, riding it all the way to the top of the tower. He would remain behind Talon until they arrived at the Chamber, the room where the Heads would give special orders to personnel. As he entered, he bowed to the other two members of the Council, showing his respect as he was greeted by Cid, the Head of Wigs, known as the Big Wig

"Ah, greetings, Shaizen. Glad you could make it, and that you are healed. I made a personal appearance at the hospital, but you were out cold. That was a nasty wound you had there. Did it tickle?"

The Big Wig would laugh at his own joke, something not uncommon. His rather chubby stomach and face would jiggle as he laughed, giving him a rather jolly appearance. The Big Wig was a very comedic man, and laughed at all of his own jokes and the jokes of others, even when no one else did. He is known as lovable, plump oddball who is always cheerful. His clothes were always colorful, and had an odd design to them, one you might see at a carnival. As he listened to the Big Wig laugh, Shaizen would respond in kind

"Yes, I am healed fine, thankfully. The medics are very good at their job, and I am grateful to them. However, I would not be here were it not for Gil though. He came just in the mick of time. Were he any later, I fear the worst. I am proud to call him my mentor, and to fight by his side"

The Heads would all nod in respect to Shaizen's words. They would then all look at each other, nodding to each other before speaking again. Amber, the Grand Scribe of Tireal, would stand, showing she was to speak next. She wore robes of a dark purple color, runes stitched into the sides, back and sleeves of the robes in a golden color. Her figure was slim, yet confident as she stood tall and straight. She towered over most men, yet had that face that let a man know she was kind unless trifled with. would speak next, her voice calm and soft. 

"Shai, dear, we summoned you here for a rather important task. One that is very dangerous. You were born within the walls of this city, Tireal, our grand city that connects us all. It is our center of life, our heart. But, every heart needs its support, the blood, the oxygen, the veins. One of our supports is in danger. Yolin, perhaps our most important. They are in deep darkness after it shifted to them. They were unprepared, and need assistance. We believe you have the wisdom to aid them. Do you understand what I am saying?'

Shaizen would merely stand, shocked as he listened, not sure if he was dreaming or not. He was dazed, not understanding what he had just heard. A city, falling? It was unheard of. Until now. Had the darkness gotten so much stronger in such short time? He snapped out of his daze as his name was spoken again, looking up

"I understand... I think. I am just unsure what to make of it. No city has EVER fallen, or even been threatened in such a way. The records prove it. It's not supposed to be possible. The Light and Darkness keep each other in check... don't they. And... I though tabs were kept on the darkness, to make sure this never happened?"

"Yes, tabs are kept, they were just miscalculated is all. And now we are paying for our over confidence. We must live through this, and learn from it. And thus, we need you"

Cid would stand and walk over to Shaizen, his usually happy face now stern as he placed a hand on his shoulder. Unlike earlier, when he was laughing, his chubby bits did not jiggle happily, but instead were held stiff by this new look to the Big Wig

"Shaizen, we chose you for this because of your skill and, most importantly, your wish to protect those around you. Where most would have run once they realized they were losing, you stayed, and tried to save them. You took charge and responsibility for them, and accepted the price you paid. You are unique in that aspect, and I know you will put all your effort into completing this task, yes?"

Shaizen would look down before closing his eyes, remember his talk with Gil from before coming here. Looking up, his face was full of determination as he nodded. He wished to keep that pride he had earned, and he wished to make Gil even more proud of him, along with his parents

"I understand, and am ready to accept this task. I will leave for Yolin immediately, with your permission to leave"

With those words, and the Heads' blessings, he would turn and walk out of the room, heading to the barracks to pack up the supplies left on his bed for the voyage. His entire Guild had placed the finest weaponry and armor they could supply, including his main weapons, Lunar and Eclipse. As he packed, he would get goodbyes from his comrades, bidding them all farewell before leaving. Once reaching the city gates, he sighs and gives the order to open them, stepping out into the savage world, unaware that he would never make it to Yolin, or see his home again, not for a long while at least

Questions/Comments/Suggestions?

[Bayde]

A small, black-cloaked figure floats listlessly into the waiting room. He shuts the door behind him, then sits down at the rustic, wooden desk. His darkened, blood-shot eyes shift their gaze back and forth from you to the papers containing your profile.

"I'll be holding off on a full grammatical look-through for now given that your formatting is a much bigger concern, kuu. You really need to space those out more. It's not friendly on the eyes, you see."

"Aside from that, there are a few issues with your character that need to be addressed. Don't you think these concepts you've come up with are a little overly simplistic, kuu? You say that your world is supposed to be a beautiful technological marvel, but you don't do much to back that up. What solutions to various problems do your people come up with? What greater purpose do these machines serve? Saying a society developed technology for the sake of developing technology simply doesn't make sense, kuu."

"Then there's the issue of your world's history. It seems rather lackluster. There's no rhyme or reason to why the people were able to hold off the Heartless for so long. Remember, only a Keyblade can truly destroy a Heartless, kuu. I also have to point out a few issues with the five cities you've come up with. The way you describe them, they're all exact replicas of one another - they're built from the same material and have no distinctions between them aside from their names and the purposes you've given them. Maybe try to add a little flavor there."

"Further, why is it that the material you've decided the cities are built out of is unknown to the people? Wouldn't a civilization as obsessed with technology as you've made yours out to be also have a name for everything under the sun that they could find and use for manufacturing?"

"And then there's the matter of why your civilization would even need a military. You never directly state that it's because of the Heartless, but that's certainly what you've implied, kuu. Using the Heartless and the Heartless alone as the sole source of conflict in a world can come off as a little boring. Please do try to spice things up. Your people are allowed to fight one another. Conflict is not necessarily a bad thing, especially not in a work of fiction."

"There's also the issue of power level to talk about. You've said that your character has an attack that can defeat a Darkside in one hit, kuu. I believe you can see where we have reservations about allowing that sort of thing into play."

"You also site that Shaizen's hatred of the Heartless comes from them being the perpetrators of his parents' murder, but you also say that he rarely ever saw them and that they died when he was very young. There is potential here for deeper, more complicated emotions towards the Heartless than a simple desire for revenge. Even so, you've fallen again into the trap that all conflict in your world's history has to come from the Heartless. There is much room for improvement, kuu."

"See what you can do with these suggestions. Remember, just because you have a lot of words written down doesn't mean they're saying much of anything. Try to give your character some more dimension, kuu."

With that, the Moogle sits up from the desk and floats gently out the door. In between mumbles about looking for a misplaced mug, he makes a quick motion to signify your freedom to leave. He seems to be done with you for now.

[Shaizen Latross]

Hmm, didn't think of a few of those. Thanks for pointing them out. I did say I was rusty, guess a little more than I thought. Will work on them

[Bayde]

The species Shaizen is part of are known as the Tirealians.

Unless he's part of multiple species that are all called the Tirealians, that 'are' should be an 'is.'

Once they started looking into magics, they realized the potential of combining them with their technologies

Are there multiple different forms of magic in this world, or are you just using the plural to make it sound older/cooler? The same question can be asked about why you need to use the plural form of the word "technology." Are there different types of magical energy powering this world, or is it the same energy being used for different purposes?

They began to build cities, made from the strongest materials in order to protect themselves from the war outside.

This comma is unnecessary.

They were ran by a space magic, using the magic to transport the user great distances in a split second.

It should be "they ran by a space magic" or "they were run by a space magic." Also, remember to bear my questions about your magic system in mind when it comes to this. Why is there more than one kind of space magic?

The Phoenix Guard began losing more and more to the creatures of Darkness outside the city, realizing they couldn't keep fighting them so up close and personal, and began working on ways to fight them more effectively, with long range and taking them out in bulk.

With all those commas, you've made yourself a bit of a run-on sentence. Try to chop it up into two or three, if you would.

His eyes shine with a rich, purple hue, piercing into anything they look at. His hair hangs past his shoulder, pitch black with strands hanging in front of his shoulders, his bangs pushed back to keep them from hanging in front of his eyes.

This is another run-on sentence. Also, I think you meant to use "shoulders" instead of "shoulder" that first time.

He also dawns a white muscle-shirt with a black leather jacket. The jacket he dons has the emblem of the phoenix guard on the back, two swords crossed together with the wing of a phoenix blazing behind them.

You use the word "dawns" instead of "dons" the first time, then the right spelling the second time.

He is a lean, yet muscular being, with very little body fat, and much more muscle.

This sentence needs no commas.

His family were among the higher ranks of the Phoenix Guard, and were greatly respected by the Tirealian community.

Was, not were.

The city he was born in, Tireal, was the capital city of the civilization, and was placed directly between the Light and the Darkness of the world, in perfect balance.

That third comma shouldn't be there. Further, what do you mean specifically by the Light and Darkness of the world? Does it have poles like a planet, but with Light and Darkness instead of magnetic directions? You might want to delve into that a bit more if that's the case, since no other world has that feature.

When he was six, he received a message from the Phoenix Guard Scout that both of his parents had been taken by heartless, and he was left alone, until a few Guards decided to help him by giving him a place within their ranks, soon as he was the age of sixteen.

That third comma shouldn't be there. Also, the part of this sentence quardoned off by the fourth comma could be better integrated into the sentence as a whole. It reads incorrectly right now.

After he hit the appropriate age, he began training with his the Head of the Guard, named Gil, who had taken him in as respect towards Shaizen's father.

Seems you started typing one sentence and finished typing another here.

On the field, Shaizen saw rather little action, until just near the end.

You have the bad habit of using "rather" as a panacea of adjective needs. I'd recommend taking this one out to increase readability and for the sake of keeping your prose from becoming stagnant. Besides, this is one of the few cases where "very" would serve your purposes better.

As Shaizen stood there, dazed and confused about what was happening, he heard the order to charge the army of Heartless, and heeded it, rushing into the battle as other soldiers rushed behind and around him.

This is a run-on sentence.

As they got to the heartless, he began to fight with all his might, as he saw the numbers of the heartless greatly exceeded that of his fellow squad members.

This is a run-on sentence.

As he turned to speak with the commanding officer about it, the large Darkside heartless appeared on the field, and took a swipe at them with its large arm, taking out most of them and leaving the rest injured.

That second comma shouldn't be there.

Heartless roam unchecked everywhere, except outside the few cities of the Tirealians, the one species there that has been able to successfully make a civilization on the world.

There's a bit of conflicting information here.

Despite the constant war, the world is actually beautiful, as the darkness and light fighting against each other forms majestic and wondrous formations on the surface of the world.

War against what? All your people have to deal with are bandits and the rare weak grouping of Heartless by your own reports.


Other than that, you might want to start capitalizing the word "Heartless" seeing as it's a proper title. There's still a little work left to do as far as worldbuilding goes - I'm not entirely convinced of why they need two separate military forces between the Scribes that use magic in battle and the Phoenix Guard, that the Wigs can be trusted to provide fair interpretations of the law outside their own purposes, or that the bandits are as big of a threat as you seem to make them out to be - and this is a good summary of all the issues your profile has grammatically.

Patch this up and you should be good to go.

[Shaizen Latross]

I believe I got all those things. Hopefully I did. As for the Phoenix Guard, they are mainly for keeping the peace between the different cities. I explained the mistrust between all the cities, and the rumors they make about each other. And the Scribes main purpose is the progression of technology and magic

[Bayde]