Asuka

[Era]

Hi Dialgaism,

This profile hasn't seen any updates and it's past the deadline. It will be moved soon due to inactivity. If you wish to keep working on it you can always feel free to re-apply.

Kind regards,
~Era

[Clio]

The historian moogle rubs her eye cutely. “Hello diligent one,” the magical creature looks at you happily, holding the documents for your entry into Twilight Town. “I went ahead and formatted your information to be congruent with the information we moogles have for refugees. Just a little more we want to address to keep things tidy now.”

The papers she sets on the desk have some notations on what to address. The writing reads:

You are most likely a Somebody, since that’s the default Being Type, and unless someone dies and their heart becomes split into Nobody and Heartless, you’ll be a living and breathing Somebody.

Easy edits:
Mostly just some spelling edits. We usually advise running your profile through Spell Check; not because we are elitist, but because it makes everyone’s lives easier. We fully believe in your abilities, so not to worry about that. But the following will need some tidying:

-Belief system, instead of believe system,
-Ample, instead of amble, in the armor description,
-Computer Programs should be pluralized,
-Seen as a gift (instead of Scene). It’s the right sounding word, just a homophone.
-World works, work should be pluralized. Maybe not something a spell check would find, since the words are contextual.

(Please keep in mind these are suggested edits, and may not be the full list. Some wording, like in the Abilities section, need addressing for spelling and grammar.)

-You mention Cybernetic Destruction : this point just needs clarification. So did robots and cyborgs nearly come to life and destroy the world?

Over all, we have an array of dynamics for Abnorms functioning within society. I think this is a good place to start! They carry the civil unrest one might expect from a specially-powered sub-race. You’ve got the setting down great! ^^

Intermediate edits:
-I think it might be best to address absolute situations with care. Things like ‘no one could hide’ might be better displayed as ‘pattern detection was so accurate that it turned the tides on crime… for awhile.’ But what if, because of the Abnorm influence, criminality evolved, too? Perhaps the bad guys learned new strategies, and because crime got harder to pinpoint within the world, Abnorms were blamed for making criminal justice much harder?

-Asuka’s attitude with her sister seems to have some whiplash. She goes from hating her to loving her very quickly. Perhaps she has softer feelings one way or another. Love and hate are extremes on either side of the emotional spectrum: maybe her emotions are that much of a roller-coaster, but whatever it is, let’s see it.

-Also, if she’s against groups and organizations, why does she choose to go into the Abnorm Rebel Group with her sister?
—Side-question: How do Abnorms within that group trust each other, if they’re taught at their controlled school to be distrustful of each other? Are the Abnorms in this group from that school, or are they an underground group that somehow slipped through the societal cracks and never attended school?

Hard edits:
-Over all, there is still a sense that Abnorms are just too much opportunity for power-play. Is there some sort of innate drawback to being one of these? It is mentioned that Asuka cannot use magic, and is weak to magical attacks. I think this is a good balance to have for the character specifically, but I must also ask: how does it work for beneficial magic? If someone uses healing magic on her, does that backfire, too?

-Somewhat related, but it could also be a separate thing: If humanity’s blanket response to Abnorms is fear, I would think it’s plausible to pour money and resources into developing a ‘cure’, intended to pull Abnorms back down to be more on par with the rest of humanity? Maybe this ‘cure’ has adverse effects on Abnorms that would bring them down to a more equal playing field and alleviate some of the general overpowered sense? I mean, the whole point is that they -are- overpowered. But I wonder what might be the best path forward into playing an overpowered character without making it feel overpowered.

While the notes involve a lot of words, the moogle doesn’t seem overbearing, but instead, the room exudes a sensation of peace, and the moogle settles patiently, taking a seat on the desk and waiting. Her bobble occasionally jostles and her nose occasionally does a little twitch. She looks to be available if she’s needed.

[dialgaism]

Edits have been read through, thought about, drawn inspiration from and placed in the new character "intro". Hope staff likes it!

[Clio]

The Moogle flips through your paperwork one last time, then pulls out her trusty stamp. "It seems everything's good to go. Welcome to the sanctuary!" Her bobble wiggles happily, and she files your paperwork appropriately.