darkun

[sulcal]

Welcome to the RP Academy, Darkun. I'm Leon and will be your instructor for you session in the RP Academy.

Here is how this will work:

After the entry post, which is just here to explain rules and expectations, as well as procedure, you will post with your character. So treat it like an actual thread, because that's what it is, more or less. The purpose here is to improve with your skills as a writer. You get to pick the setting and everything with your post, and I will react accordingly with a character that will fit in said situation. Accasionally, a situation will end quickly, and depending on if you're ready to pass along into the boards or not, we'll just start with a new one.

These skills will include grammar, spelling, characterization, general writing skill, and anything else you might think you need help with.

The rules are as as follows:

Rules of the site? Yup. They apply. Meaning, spamming, language, all that jazz, and I suggest that you re-read them if you might have trouble. Other rules? I ask that you try and follow my example and instruction; if I'm being unclear, then ask!

Instructions will be posted as if in OOC commentary. ((Like this.)) This should be noted that OOC commentary should be as such for you, too.

Questions are always good! That said-- go right ahead and post, and we'll get this show on the road!

[darkunslint]

((*Takes deep breath* ok here we go my first rp post! *cracks fingers*))

Darkun sat atop the accessory shop in Twilight Town. He looked down at the people making their way along the roads, they seemed so ... complete to him.

" I bet they all have families..." he sighed deeply holding his head in his hands in a rather boring manner as he did so.

Darkun was very quietly singing to himself. Glancing down he saw a mother and her child, the child pointed up to Darkun and said " Look Mummy look there’s a boy up there... where’s his mummy?"

Darkun sighed even deeper as he wondered if he ever had a mother. Looking back down he saw that the mother was pulling the boy away from him. " Stay away from him, that’s not a boy... that’s Tri-edge he’s a bad boy that’s why he doesn't have a mummy"

Swinging one of his legs back and forth over the edge of the roof he looked out into the sky, I ... I wish I was a bird, they're so free and never have to worry about anything.

Sighing for a final time, he slumped his head down, chewing on his over-sized, belt ridden collar. Darkun looked around him, obviously he was checking that there was no one in sight. After not seeing anyone he began singing louder, a very slow depressing song echoed around the streets of Twilight Town. Another night was just about to begin for him.

It was nighttime already and Darkun was still sat atop the shop staring out towards the curved shape of the moon. The night was dark and the only sound was Darkun's slow and peaceful singing.

" I wonder... Does my singing help them sleep? Maybe I am useful in some way,” Darkun reflected over his self-asked question for some time. " Heh probably not but seen as no one is around I don’t think anyone would mind.

Darkun sat there for what seemed hours but was no more than 10 minutes. Things always seemed so timeless at night. That’s probably what Darkun loved about the night, like a moment that went on for a long time. Darkun didn’t like change and having his singing being the only "moving" gave him an imaginary sense of importance in some strange and misguided way.

Darkun laid back again, he couldn’t sleep, the thoughts of what he was and what he used to be always haunted him, besides he never needed sleep. Regardless of this fact he still enjoyed just laying there, complete and utter peace.

[sulcal]

((First and foremost, applogies for taking so long. So let's get down to business. So far, you show a pretty good basis in skill. However, thought, in a sense, is thought-- if the character often talks aloud to themselves, then that's quite alright, otherwise, as I'm sure you know, quotations aren't really needed. Italics or using the "he thought" or some such to annotate. The passing of time should be fleshed out more-- remember to use all the five sense, or however many the character has, to precieve the world. It isn't always needed, but it certainly help.

Punctuation could also use some work. I suggest running it through Word Document, sinc that will often catch grammar and spelling mistakes.

Finally, try not to break up the narrative too much. Smooth posts make for smooth comprehension.))

Thomson Kerbwell was, if nothing else, a simplistic man. Simple and didn't need much else in life. But today-- today there was no one, not a soul, that would come by the shop like usual. Which, in all honesty, made for a very irritating time, considering how difficult it was to get business in the first place some time.

He'd spent the better part of the day tidying up his shelves and displays of jewelry and wares and such, whistling to himself, wondering why he was getting odd staring from the outside.

He never did discover what it was until a mysterious singing and thumping noise caught him.

The large man 'hurumphed' and finished closing up shop, rounding right out to shout at whoever thought it was a great idea to go trouncing about his roof tiles.

And found something else.

Thomson put his meaty hands down on his broad hips, glaring up like any annoyed shop owner would be, with a frown on his face. "Oi ya! Kid! Get offa my roof!"

[darkunslint]

((Lol that was quite a funny reply xD)

Darkun had been staring outwards for what seemed years. By this time Darkun was in his own little world, it seemed so peaceful to him that he never even heard the shop door under him open. Suddenly he was brought out of his daydream by a shout, was someone actually talking to him?

"Oi ya! Kid! Get offa my roof!"

Darkun immediately looked down towards the man standing outside of his shop. Darkun never even thought that he was on top of someone else’s property, he always presumed people would just ignore him and leave him be as long as he didn’t do anything. But this person, this ... man was actually talking to Darkun. He felt happy that someone was actually acknowledging him for the first time in quite a while. Immediately after this came the sorrow. Darkun's mind whirred with how to say sorry to this man that he had obviously angered.

"erm …” he mumbled to himself " im ... sorry."

Darkun then mumbled several other thoughts to himself. It was not unusual for him to do so, Darkun always found it easier to think if he said what he was thinking to himself, but of course he made sure that the man on the ground was unable to hear his thoughts. To Darkun that was weakness.

After apologising to the man he looked back upon the sky, with its glistening stars and perfect moon, he was slipping back into his daydream. Darkun's lack of discussion with people had thrown him into a situation where he didn’t know that the man actually wanted him off the rood. Deciding it was best if Darkun just kept quiet and stopped singing, he thought maybe that the man would talk to him again.

Darkuns singing had stopped and with it stopping he felt like the entire town… no maybe the entire world was no longer under his command. This man was now the only moving object of the town, everything else… silent. Then it struck him ... This man, was talking to HIM, why would anyone talk to him after all the horrible things he did during the gang wars. Unless, this man, this shop owner... was new to the town.

Darkun instantly felt a deep regret expand in the pit of his stomach, he wasnt just bothering a normal person, he was bothering someone new. The fact that this man may of just never found out what " Tri - Edge" looked like, but knew exactly what he was never crossed Darkuns mind. Darkun presumed the worst being the pessimist he is.

" What a hospitable welcome" Darkun thought alloud.

[sulcal]

((Good work! So far, the only problem I see is the continued lack of punctuation. Commas and such other things not only prevent typos but also make posts more comprehensible. Working on that, like I stated before, in a Word Document, or whatever else, using the grammar and spelling checker limits this problem.))

Gang wars? Pfft! Nothing like that happened in Twilight Town. This place? It was too peaceful-- Thomson had spent all thirty-five of his years of life in this town and there was just no such thing. Not even news of it from the grape vine of shops and such that moved about the city. A large place, but very close-knit.

Putting a hand on a thick hip, as he was not, really, the slimmest person in Twilight-- rather, sort of heavy set-- and indeed irate at the moment.

"Welcome? Kid, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you really do need to get off of my roof! It's expensive to fix!"

[darkunslint]

"Welcome? Kid, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you really do need to get off of my roof! It's expensive to fix!"

Darkun knew this man was right, he was being rather mean by expecting a warm welcome from someone who’s roof he was sitting on. For the mean time Darkun was kind of glad that this man didn't know who he was, it made things so much easier; he could actually talk to this man. As Darkun pondered on what to say next, his eyes widened some, the man however would of probably not of been able to see his eyes as they did so, this was due to Darkun's, eye concealing, azure blue hair.

Darkun's eyes kept widening, as he saw what was behind this poor unsuspecting man. A single being, in what appeared to be a white suit, a zip ominously covering its eyes. Darkun knew these creatures all to well. "Dusk" he mumbled out, before quickly shouting out to the man " Behind you! ..."

The dusk itself stood there idle, it seemed as if it was just listening into their conversation, but Darkun knew all to well that if that man didn’t move fast, he might be killed. Even worse if that Dusk didn’t vanish fast, more would surely come. Darkun was still pondering what exactly he should do, he decided first and foremost to wait and see if the man would get out of here. If he didn't then Darkun would have to act, and that would mean that this man... This one person who didn’t know how much of a freak Darkun was, would surely know when he saw Darkuns strange powers.

[sulcal]

(( I still see some grammar issues. Such as "Dusk" he mumbled out, before quickly shouting to the man "Behind you!..." An easier function of that sentence would be "Dusk," he mumbled out before quickly shouting to the man, "Behind you!"[/i] So keeping in mind grammatical structure is important.))

Thomson was a normal man. With a normal life. He didn't have any super powers, or much aspirations in life, but he did, however, have a certainly feeling. And when, like any normal human being, he heard "Behind you!", Thomson looked. He looked, and panicked.

threw up an arm, as if to protect himself and stumbled back a few paces, mouth agape, and eyes wide, his round body quaking.

"W-what..." Thomson began, hoarse all of a sudden, "is that thing?!"

[darkunslint]

(( ok ive decided, Thoughts are in red and italics, my speech is green your's is blue ^^ And i dont know why my grammer isn't good, everything i do is put through Microsoft Word.)) (( EDIT : Ok ive also added in all the grammar that I have been taught by Aryn007))

"W-what..." Thomson began, hoarse all of a sudden, "is that thing?!"

This clarified Darkun’s ideas, this man had no idea of what he was doing. He didn't know a thing of combat, and by the looks of it he didn’t know much about the nobodies either. Darkun suddenly got to thinking ... Should I save him... Or would that just scare him more than that Dusk? The man, obviously shocked from what was behind him, seemed like a simple enough man. Looked like his life had cause, and he enjoyed his life. Would it be cruel to let him die, here, now?

Darkun pondered, for several more moments before deciding. If I don’t save him, he’ll die. If I do save him.... it will just be one more person that hates me, wont make much difference.

((Now here is the part I’m concerned about, I don’t know if you can power play NPC's such as nobodies and heartless, so just in case ill make it so that i don’t kill the nobody yet))

Darkun leaped from his seated position, impacting on the ground, meters away from the nobody and the shaking man. Darkun wasn't usually sarcastic, but at this point he just couldn’t help himself "Are you glad I was on your roof now?"

Walking rather calmly towards them both, muttering I’m sorry, this is probably my fault. Don't be scared. The least I can do... is answer your question. It's called a Dusk, it's a type of nobody, a being with no heart. Flicking his hand towards the Dusk, its shadow slowly warping as it broke out from the floor and flew up towards the Dusk in a spike shape.

[sulcal]

((Wonderful! You grammar has shown major improvements. I still see some needed work, such as making it a continual habit for checking grammar and spelling (though no one is perfect, least of all myself, at that habit). Also make a habit of using it OOC as well. As for power playing, that often depends on the level of attack. If it was one simple swipe of a blade or some such, or a low level spell, it might depend on affinity to that element. As well as how truly powerful your character is. Let's use some examples, shall we?

Take Leon for instance. Compared to most other characters, he's quite strong, considering the timeline he's from, meaning in terms of "levels" he's further up than most right now. But compared to someone like Cloud, he falls just short. They're same "level", but cloud has advantages that Leon does not. Then you have the gap between someone like Cloud and say... Oh, Demyx. Demyx is certainly more powerful, and also an interesting element. And obviously people like Ansem, Xemnas, and Sephiroth over shadow everyone. Power levels have a lot to do with it, but the gal is not to make your character the most powerful. Let them develop over time. Sure, Dusks are simple and fairly weak on their own, but like Shadows, they can sneak up in great numbers and overwhelm even the most powerful of characters/players.

Elements, however, are entirely different. You can be weaker than some characters, but still do major damage. Let's go back to Leon for a moment, since I know his strengths and weaknesses. Physically, he can keep up with Cloud, who is physically far stronger than him thanks to Mako and Darkness enhancements; he's nimble, and fairly strong despite that. Pretty strong against physical attacks, but can't take a magical blow worth crap. His affinity is Fire, while such spells as Magnet (a form of gravity) and other fire spells do nothing up to a certain level. Pit him against someone, like... say... Vexen! For lack of a better equivalent. Also physically strong, fairly well guarded against physical attacks, and actually quite adept at magic. Both these two are weak against each other and strong against their own element. Given the right hits and depending on how well written the post is, both can either kill each other or do some serious damage.

The point of this example is to say that while they are even in some aspects, it's the difference in power levels, or powerful spells. Leon doesn't cast anything higher than Fira usually, which is moderate and can incinerate Dusks and weaker heartless, thanks to his affinity with fire and the fact that said affinity boosts it considerably, making Firaga rather powerful and most likely able to incinerate most things like Large Bodies in a small area. Vexen has a wider range of abilities. He can wipe almost any Heartless or Nobody out; aside from other Organization members and the Dark XII clean off the face of the worlds. How does this play into forums? Keeping things in check, and knowing the power balance, rather than aiming to be unfair with said powers is key. Affinities can make spells more powerful, and sheer physical prowess is sometimes all that's needed. It all depends on how it's used, if the ability is weak/strong against enemies, and so forth.

Keeping these factors in mind, as well as how much a character knows about his/her foes (which can sometimes be a lot, such as between Leon and Cloud, or none, such as between an OC no canon has met yet) makes for an interesting and fair experience.))

It was no surprise to Thomson that this person, whoever, whatever he was, had abilities, really. People as such came by from time to time and it was good business as far as normal things went, but this town was normal. It didn't see violence, didn't know hardships or troubles.

Thomson, was, needless to say, rather taken aback, having taken a good several steps away from the things going on, jaw slack. Dusks? That... it just... it didn't make sense! Regardless, the stunned man couldn't seem to register it all.

[darkunslint]

((Hmm ok, it kinda makes a bit more sense to me now xD. See if I’ve done any better in this one? Ty))

Darkun turned towards the shopkeeper, pretty amazed at how this man was taking all this activity and excitement. Deciding to try and take his mind from what he had just seen Darkun continued Yes, they're called Dusks. You'll see them from time to time in this town, although... Darkun paused, his eyes widening slight as if in deep thought before he continued in a trance like tone. It’s weird ... they don’t usually come this far into town... especially not alone.

Darkun bit his collar tightly, as to stop himself saying this out loud His mind slipping into a sense of concentration. As he thought One of two things should happen now ... either the other nobodies will leave this, as they probably don't want to get killed.... Or many more will come to investigate and deal with the problem ... maybe even stronger ones than Dusks. I hope for this mans sake it is the firest option.

Loosening his teeth from his collar Darkun said out to the man in a courteous tone It's ok, I doubt any more will come now, but just to be sure I’m gonna stick around for a bit ... ok? At the moment Darkun’s main target was to make sure that nobodies didn’t swamp this man’s because of Darkun. That’s one thing Darkun really couldn’t stand ... People being hurt because of him.

[sulcal]

((Again, apologies for the hold up. I see that you now have sufficient skill; you are ready to improve as you go along the boards! Be sure to keep in mind all the things you have learned and keep an eye on spelling, capitalizations, and most especially grammar.

Aside from that, you've graduated from the Academy! Congratulations!))