aerojaflare

[sulcal]

Welcome to the RP Academy, aerojaflare. I'm Leon and will be your instructor for you session in the RP Academy.

Here is how this will work:

After the entry post, which is just here to explain rules and expectations, as well as procedure, you will post with your character. So treat it like an actual thread, because that's what it is, more or less. The purpose here is to improve with your skills as a writer. You get to pick the setting and everything with your post, and I will react accordingly with a character that will fit in said situation. Accasionally, a situation will end quickly, and depending on if you're ready to pass along into the boards or not, we'll just start with a new one.

These skills will include grammar, spelling, characterization, general writing skill, and anything else you might think you need help with.

The rules are as as follows:

Rules of the site? Yup. They apply. Meaning, spamming, language, all that jazz, and I suggest that you re-read them if you might have trouble. Other rules? I ask that you try and follow my example and instruction; if I'm being unclear, then ask!

Instructions will be posted as if in OOC commentary. ((Like this.)) This should be noted that OOC commentary should be as such for you, too.

Questions are always good! That said-- go right ahead and post, and we'll get this show on the road!

[aerojaflare]

As Auren walked towards the train station in Twilight Town, he thought about what he was going to do with his life. Living in Twilight Town doing Struggle Battles, wasn't enough. Then he froze, as he being an Elementalist it was natural to be able to detect paranormal activity, but it wasn't like the ones he'd felt before, it was.........white. At that moment he was struck and sent hurtling backwards. Then he struck back using a whip of glacial ice. It hit, but the creature, quickly recovered as if it was only a scratch. Then he prepared himself as more were coming.

[sulcal]

((Alright, time to get started. Let's take a look at your post. A paragraph is perfectly fine for many posts, depending. The first two sentences are a perfect starting point. However, the following could us some work:

Then he froze, as he being an Elementalist it was natural to be able to detect paranormal activity, but it wasn't like the ones he'd felt before, it was.........white.

Well, here is some gramatical tips: an ellipsis is this "...". Generally, you don't need more than one set to seperate words, making it easier and less tedious for people in the threads, making posts more comprehensible. Try this instead: "he, being an Elementalist, it was..." and so forth and to separate "was" and "white", "it was... white". Also, that whole sentence could use expanding. Why did Auren freeze? What did it feel like? Why did the presence feel "white"? What makes Elementalists so special from anything else that could sense phenomenon? Are Nobodies and Heartless really paranormal? What was the feeling like? These are good types of questions to ask yourself when posting, looking at the details of other posts from other players. Try to flesh out as much detail as your character will often notice, nad then some. This will add depth and believability to your posts. Not every character has this, but it's good to keep in mind.

Let's take a look at the rest:

At that moment he was struck and sent hurtling backwards. Then he struck back using a whip of glacial ice. It hit, but the creature, quickly recovered as if it was only a scratch. Then he prepared himself as more were coming.

When he was hurtled forward, how did he land? Did it hurt? How exactly did he strike? Describe the motions, the feel, how his body and attitude changed for battle. "As if it was only a scratch" implies that it was not just a scratch, so if the character is bleeding it's good to describe that sort of thing.Keep in mind that people are around the character, that NPCs do live there and keep in mind that detail, although not always important, takes secondary slot to describing what the character thinks, feels, and, most importantly of all, describing how they move when need be, such as in battle.

For the sake of this post, I will take up the Nobodies. Dancer Nobodies as a matter of fact. IT is an example of getting character detail in short posts, considering the creatures have not much of a mind, and certainly no emotions.))

There were four of them, in number, swaying and graceful, twitching and dancing, moving with something close to a nervous tick. The tails of pink cap moving with greyscale bodies, dark chest plates and something close to arm bracers... yes, the Dancers. That is what they were called, finding this target, this thing with a power they desired... All four of whom had the same eerier smile stitched into place...

One had been struck, on the far left, but the ice itself did nothing, merely making the Dancer sway again, twitch, spazz, move.

Fanning out, gliding, in one moment, among the cobble stones and the streets and this place of twilight, they were slow. The next, another approached this source of energy with a lightning fast, swift motion, a kicking style, spike boot and feminine form deceptive.

Hearts... Yes... hearts...

[aerojaflare]

Let me try again with the battle part:

The creatures lashed out viciously with their swaying arms. Auren used the terrain around him to strike with boulder of earth. Having dodged, the creatures struck him down. They hissed at him. Then Auren whirled into the air with a glacial whip emerging from the tip of his rapier stunning them all with a single strike. The creatures dissipated, putting Auren off his guard. the paralyzed hem using his own ice. The froze him, but a warm sensation went throughout Auren's body progressively getting hotter, then for a second everything stopped, then with an angry roar, a pillar of flame shot up. The creatures were knocked back, but quickly recovered. Auren was trapped.

[sulcal]

((Here we seem to have run into a bit of a problem; that was what we call power playing, controlling other players, as well as performing one too many actions without allowing retaliation or some sort of reaction. Think of this like an actual RPG, such as D&D; you take a turn in the round, and then your enemy takes a turn, so on and so forth. Read other's posts carefully to better understand actions, and if you do not, ask. Communication is always important.

Also, use resources; these are not Dusks, they didn't strike viciously out at you with swaying arms. Nor did they hiss. If you don't understand Dancer nobodies, I suggest using the KHwiki, which I have link here for the Dancers.

Please try again, and keep in mind all the things you learn, such as details, feelings, thoughts, and surroundings.))

[aerojaflare]

I didn't think you expected me to use the Nobodies. Sorry. But, as a Kingdom Hearts player, the Dancers do fling their bladed arms at you, if I recall correctly.

[sulcal]

((Indeed they do, however, as I had expressed in the previous mentioned post, the mostly just use them to grab onto you to deliver a powerful kick. Regardless, as I had chosen to RP the Dancers, there is a bit of a problem controlling my actions with them for me; they still did no attack you a second time. I would like that you try again, please.))

[aerojaflare]

Yes, Sir. Good point. Sometimes when I get into an RPG, I suddenly take it too far or too seriously.

[aerojaflare]

Hello, anyone there?

[sulcal]

((Actually, I'm still waiting for a repost. I suppose I did not send the PM like I thought I had. Apologies.))