In a cataclysm known as the Nightfall, the worlds were almost completely destroyed by a harrowing surge of darkness.
In the shadows of the ensuing chaos a new group has taken shape. Led by an Aegyl named Kalos, the 11th Hour touts an esoteric knowledge of how to combat the darkness and restore the worlds. They might be the worlds’ best chance at survival; but nobody really knows enough about them to confirm or deny their claims.
On the brink of collapse, the universe holds its breath in anticipation. Of restoration? Of destruction? It is up to individuals like yourself to decide.
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Zetsu stood in the middle of a huge compound with a fountain in the center. There weren't any people around, it was silent with no sound what so ever. ''The heartless are beings of darkness that manifest in two forms, 'Pureblood' and 'Emblem', the second being created artificially. While most Heartless are in fact manifested hearts, they behave entirely devoid of emotion, and thus were named 'Heartless'. He explained. He turned and sat down on his case waiting for a response.
Elihu was once again on a journey in which entailed following another person and go along with what Eli could only ever explain as a 'game'. What Eli was doing was for pure motive of moving on with a plan, and what this kid was doing was mere excitement; at least excitement was what it seemed to be. There was a hint or two pointing some aspect of lack of control on the teenagers end. Or, in another sense, the idea that if he didn't let out some sort of emotion, energy, or form of power he might lose control. In either case Elihu was utterly annoyed that once again he was dragged into what would most likely turn out to be another wile 'goose' chase.
''The heartless are beings of darkness that manifest in two forms: 'Pureblood' and 'Emblem', the second being created artificially. While most Heartless are, in fact, manifested hearts they behave entirely devoid of emotion, and thus were named 'Heartless'," Zetsu ((forgot the name you gave me in the other thread. I'll come back and change it soon.)) explained.
"Perhaps," Eli thought. "... This might be worth the time after all. The symbol would explain why some are stronger than others. For, in fact, the ones that bore the symbol put up quite a damn fight."
Eli watched as the teenager sat down on the case he had been carrying. What was in it? Didn't really matter to Eli. He shifted his head toward the fountain as the scarf he wore to cover the bottom half of his face flapped in the wind. His right hand clenched the hilt of one of his daggers loosely; ready to engage any enemy attempting to ambush him.
"Do they have a leader?" Elihu asked forthrightly.
(( Of course, I'd be happy to offer tips here and there. I have notices your words are spelled out much better now That's a big step forward! There are definitely easy ways to improve the way one writes. One of the easiest being just to read a lot. You'll soon learn as you read that you just happen to pick up writing styles, bits and pieces here or there, from authors. I did notice that you gave a brief description of the environment around you! It's always a great idea as the starter of a post to always describe the area around the character so as those that join in have a good understanding as to what's around them and how to join in. ))
(( Oh, I didn't know that :/ I understand I don't have 'pull' anymore. But if the profile checks out, outside of the RP example I wouldn't mine working with him/her to improve their skills. In fact, I love helping others improve. Otherwise, ignore mah post. Just trying to lend a helpful hand. ))
Post by Ellie who has 0% on Jul 10, 2011 10:47:14 GMT -4
(If you wish to continue this as a 'helpful Samaritan Training Session'; there is a specific sub-board geared towards that in the RP Academy, which I shall move there and leave a likkle note)
''Do they have a leader?'' Eli asked forthrightly.
Zetsu ignored Eli and stood up. ''Well it's about time!'' He exclaimed as several neoshadows appeared around them. ''Ask them if you want to know, their a...friendly bunch.'' He opened his case wind open and took one blade and threw it over his shoulder. It landed right behind him, pierced into the ground. He took a second sword and closed the box.
Looking around Zetsu counted 13 of them in total. It seemed as if they were drawn toward this mysterious man. ''So, ready to tell me how you got here?'' Zetsu asked.
(( Wow, in my personal opinion you've made drastic improvements since the first post we had together in the other thread. Grammar was there, spelling was there. Phenomenal. The paragraph change was nicely done as well. I did notice one error with spelling, however. "He opened his case wind open..." I'm guessing you met wide haha.
Anyways, if you can keep up what you just did I dare you to try and add a little more detail to make your posts more 'pretty' or 'appealing' to read. Don't overwhelm yourself trying to add detail, however, just add one thing here or there. For example:
1. Eli slashed the Heartless until it was gone.
2. Eli slashed the Heartless from left to right with haste sending into oblivion.
You could always go really deep on actions or environments that people could only benefit from to clearly understand what you are attempting to paint for them.
3. Dodging a swipe from the Heartless, Eli quickly retaliated with his right hand sending the dagger from left to right through the middle of his foe. Almost instantly as he did this the Heartless was obliterated and made its exit with a quick, powerful poof.
It's not the greatest example of a sentence but I think it makes sense. Again, take detail in small steps. Attempting to add detail to every sentence is going to cause you to lose quality in your writing as a whole. I would consider adding just one thing to an action or a description here or there. If you'd like further examples I'd be happy to help.
Recap: Maintain spelling and grammar. Maintain control and smoothness of change in writing with timed paragraph changes. Add a minor detail on a sentence or two in the next post. ))
Elihu's question went unanswered. Frustrated, Eli was about to ask again, this time with more assertiveness in hopes of getting an answer, however, before he had the chance the youngster spoke up.
''Well it's about time! Ask them if you want to know, their a...friendly bunch.''
Elihu was not amused. He was well aware of the Heartless' intentions. Once again Eli had the vibe he was going along with nothing but a pointless encounter with the Heartless at the expense of the kids amusement. As annoyed as he was, though, he had no choice but to go along in hopes of getting answers.
''So, ready to tell me how you got here?'' the teenager asked as he made a notion of engaging the enemy.
Thirteen. The number of enemies was added up instinctively. Their positions as well. Eli had already devised a plan for his own self preservation. For starters, remaining in the middle was never a good idea when outnumbered. Vulnerability to attacks from all angles was foolish. He would engage as soon as he saw an opening.
"It is not your concern. I'll help with your... game so long as you give me my answers," Elihu said with no emotion.
An opening! One Heartless had taken a step forward. Eli immediately went stealth and became next to impossible to see in the night. Not a second after he apparated behind a Heartless that was behind the one that stepped forward. He broke stealth, drawing a dagger with his right hand and another with his left ambushing the Neo Shadow in front of him with a simultaneous slice of both hands from outside inward. The shadow poofed and Elihu dashed forward, not wasting any time, and did the same to the Heartless that had stepped forward knowing it, too, would be unaware of the attack.
Poof. Target two defeated. Unfortunately for Eli, his idea of a childish engagement had just begun.
Zetsu was shocked to see Eli disappear into thin air. It seemed as if he was never there. Zetsu was quite offended when Eli completely shut him off but he got over it in no time at all. What he didn't like was Eli's lack of emotion. It kind of ticked him off. The elder was very similar to this guy. As Zetsu thought about this he began to feel sick. He got slightly dizzy but quickly got back in the game.
His absence took it's toll though. He was now surrounded by neoshadows and they were closing in. Suddenly Eli appeared and killed it from the back. He then dashed forward and killed another one from the back. How could he do that? Has he no shame? Attacking an enemy from behind is terrible! It's a sin.
Zetsu got really angry at this guy. His hair levitated and turned glowng red. Making his eyes a sinister red color. He hated these type of fighting styles. He could of at least tap it on the back before killing it. Now he new why he was here. The fates have brought him here to teach this blood stain a lesson.
Zetsu gripped his blade and sliced the heartless that jumped him swiftly across the chest. ''I'll definitely teach you a lesson! You better have a good explanation for this friggin' teapot. They have no leader but your heart is as black as theirs. Your a walking sin and always will be unless I do something about it.'' Zetsu said menicingly and looked to the right in Elihu's direction with a death stare. Drawing a Rexanian death wish over his head.
(You might have noticed the word ''friggin''. I wrote it like this because that's how he pronounced it. Yeah and thans for all the help. I too time with this reply because I kept re-writing this post to get it right. I also had to make Zetsu's History longer. You should check it out some time.
(( Haha, not a problem. I'll check it out soon As for the word 'friggin'', I'd agree. If my new character gets accepted he tends to slur a lot of words and talk like a bafoon so you will see sentences like:
"Watcha think you're doing, brahski?" Isai asked.
As for your post I'm incredibly impressed. I urge you to go look at the first one you made in that other thread in Traverse Town and then this one. I think you will see a vast improvement in such a short time.
My tip for the next post is to look at the starting word of each sentence. If you see the same word pop up over and over again (for instance in your last post Zetsu was a common reaccurrance) try to find other ways of starting it. I know you didn't do this but I'll leave an exaggerated example:
Eli walked fast. Eli then noticed a Heartless. Eli drew his weapon and threw it at the Heartless. Eli watched the Heartless get hit in the head by the blunt part of the handle. Eli laughed.
Eli walked fast. Suddenly, he noticed a Heartless. He drew his weapon and threw it at the Heartless. The Heartless was hit in the head by the blunt part of the handle. Laughter could be heard as Eli noted the humor in his horrible throw. ))
As soon as he had finished his second opponent the young one let out an alarming quote in Elihu's direction.
"I'll definitely teach you a lesson! You better have a good explanation for this friggin' teapot. They have no leader but your heart is as black as theirs. You're a walking sin and always will be unless I do something about it."
A Heartless wasted no time and leaped in Eli's direction. Stepping backward completely out of the way of the leaping enemy Eli cut it from behind as it flew directly in front of him. The stare from the kid had been noted in Elihu's periferal vision but it did not phase him. It was obvious this one had some sort of issue with survival. Perhaps, he was one of the fools that valued honor over self-preservation.
"You talk too much," Elihu said bluntly as he laughed to himself at the kids change in appearance.
Sheething his daggers Elihu then jumped forward and flipped in the air summoning ice daggers, throwing them at intense speeds resulting in about 10 being thrown before he landed on the ground gracefully. The daggers had obliterated 4 Heartless with ease. Neo Shadows did die easily. There were still a few more Heartless to be dealt with. Not to mention the sudden change in personality of 'Mr. Moody' over there with the strange obsession of calling Eli 'teapot'.
"It's kill or be killed. Your call." Eli said as he gave his own glare back at the kid. "If you chose to engage me I will not hesitate to kill you."
Elihu knew the kid had foreign powers. However, there was one thing Eli had that his new enemy did not: Patience and a clear mind. It was obvious a mental victory had already been won. And, he would not hesitate to put the teenager into a battle of wits on top of fighting skills alone. This is what separated Eli from the rest of all the others he had eradicated.
"It's kill or be killed. Your call. If you chose to engage me I will not hesitate to kill you."
This guy really ticked him off. His smell, presence, attire and cocky attitude. Just who does he think he is? Zetsu was getting tired of his 'I can kill you' attitude. He picked his second blade from the floor and stretched his hands out to both his sides. In a split second the Rexanian vanished and so did the two heartless behind him with a loud poof, dropping 56 monney.
Two helpless neoshadows looked around for the enemy that was right in front of them a second ago. Without warning their worst nightmare appeared in front of them and sliced their necks making them go poof as well. Without delay Zetsu shot 3 kongouseki spikes from each of his shoulders, sending the last neoshadows to Hades's realm.
The honorable samurai faced Eli and simply said ''Koei''. In a second he appeared behind Eli, his back facing him with his two blades at his side. ''Today I don't want to draw blood.'' He said calmly and turned his blades to their blunt sides. Knowing the english teapot he was okay with drawing blood. Zetsu knew that Eli was much smarter than him and he knew that this fight was meaningless. But his gut told him that he should fight this battle. The only thing Zetsu knew he was better at then Eli was swordplay.There's no way he could lose.
(I'm not to happy about this post but I did my best. Thanks.)
(( Haha, you did great. If for some reasons you run across a character while RP'ing and you really don't like them just make sure you don't mistake that character for the person writing their story For instance, Eli to you may be a heartless, non-caring, selfish person. Obviously that's not who I am in reality.
I understand you may or may not think that just giving you a heads up. ))
Elihu watched patiently as the kid decimated the remaining Heartless. His instincts were finally proven correct in the youngsters combat abilities. The swift movements, the confidence, and the skills were all there of a fighter of great talent and potential.
There was one thing Elihu did note, however. A weakness. A weakness for honor, valor, and all that blah blah who cares b.s. to Elihu. The teenagers skills with his weapons were uncanny to many his age which put Eli on alert for more surprises.
"Today I don't want to draw blood." Zetsu said to Elihu after his act of using an ability much like Elihu's apparate. The difference: Elihu heard him utter the word 'Koei' before-hand. Noting that so far some abilities had a word uttered before using them Elihu planned to use them to his advantage in the future.
"Then don't fight me. I have no desire to waste my time fighting what should be an ally. The Heartless care not how they kill you, they just do. You desire to fight me so because I killed them first? From behind? What is this foder you cling to of honor when it comes to fighting someone without honor? Especially an enemy that can't have honor. It's childish!" Elihu exclaimed. Yes, he wasn't one to EVER talk this much, but Eli was in no mood to continue what he saw to be a pointless encounter. There would be no profit in it for him whatsoever.
"You may be confident in your own abilities, kid. But, I've killed hundreds--thousands of men who took pride in their own abilities."
Elihu was trying to avoid a confrontation. Yet at the same time part of him wished to teach the teenager a lesson. Why? Could it be his father lingering somewhere in his heart? No... emotion had no place in combat. emotion is the number one cause of death in Elihu's experiences. Emotion led to missing key observations in battles that otherwise could have meant victory. It would not overcome him now simply because he saw a piece of what he used to be in this kid when Elihu was a teenager as well.
"If you choose to engage someone without knowing their true potential, choose to avoid drawing blood from them, and choose to enter that same fight on the spark of emotion you are choosing a fight based on the luck that your opponent is just as stubborn. Save us both the trouble and sheath your weapons."
"You may be confident in your own abilities, kid. But, I've killed hundreds--thousands of men who took pride in their own abilities."
The boy wore a large grin across his face and said ''You are as interesting as I thought. Well you gave me the explanation I wanted.'' Zetsu wanted to confirm if he was the only one who thought of them as mindless begins. ''Your cool personality wise and you could be a good friend.''
He considered making Eli an ally but wasn't so sure about his strength. ''Let's make this a sparing match to test just how good you are.'' The boy declared. ''And one more thing before we begin. I always say something before attacking an opponent with sense. I'm just so confident I'll win that I give the enemy an advantage.''
''Nutoryuu'' He lifted both his swords and turned in a split second, cutting upwards with both blades. ''Giga khiki'' The Rexanian shouted as he made a pillar of spiked diamond head for Eli with incredible speed.''
''Let's see if you can scratch me!'' Zetsu taunted and ran after Ellihu.
Standing back to back the youngster replied to Elihu's attempt to avoid an annoyance of a confrontation. However, the reply was unlike one he had expected. Zetsu wanted a sparring match it would seem to test Elihu's abilities. Why? Wasn't he just upset over what he saw to be an un-honorable action? It was possible like the teenager had said it was all a test... however, one could only wonder.
"A sparring match? ..." Eli thought to himself. He definitely saw a lot of him in this kid, that was for sure. In a strange way it inspired him to actually go along with this 'friendly' match. If anything Elihu figured it wouldn't be a bad idea after all to keep him combat ready for Heartless he hadn't seen yet. Practice never hurt anyone so long as it literally didn't kill you.
Zetsu also noted out loud the observation Eli had already made about his combat abilities, however, he also revealed the fact of confidence. Overconfidence would be this kids downfall someday. Elihu would make sure to it he learned that lesson here and now.
Soon-after an incredibly fast, smooth rotation erupted from the teenager as he spun sending both blade upward at Eli at incredible speeds. Using his agile traits Elihu, caught by surprise that the attack started so soon, was able to barely sneak out of the way by turning toward the kid and twisting his body to lay parallel in the air to the blades as they whipped by him. Not even a second after another word uttered from Zetsu's mouth and a pillar came hauling at Elihu. Using the momentum from the current dodge of Zetsu's attack Elihu pressed off the ground and back-flipped out of the way only soon enough to escape a hard blow yet still taking a cut from the tip as it managed to catch his thigh. He came down on his right hand as he sent an ice dagger zooming through the air at Zetsu in retaliation. From here he pressed off the ground and flipped back up to his feet only to meet the teenager running at him. He prepared for the most logical situations to occur to him here. Zetsu could be struck by the ice dagger and Elihu would have time to land safely and utilize time to prepare, or he could evade completely but slow enough to still let Eli land, or finally the ice dagger would not utter an annoyance whatsoever either hitting Zetsu or not and there would be no time for Eli to completely land and ready himself for a blow. If this was the case he take a blow if it were deemed nonfatal the victory and retaliate with a hard kick of his right leg as he was sent backward from taking a hit. If a fatal hit would come at him he'd be ready to Apparate to a safe distance at the cost of losing some energy for a time being.
"I'll go along with your sparring match. However, your overconfidence will lead to a loss." He thought to himself as he readied for the situation to unfold.
(( Ahh, alas we have arrived at the bread and butter of RP'ing. Combat against another RP'er. I have many tips here and I will describe my actions in my writings and how they flow to work out fairly.
First of all, never take action of another persons character without their consent. For example, don't make Elihu take a blow or even dodge a blow unless I leave it open in a previous point by saying something like:
The attack from Zetsu was coming strong in Elihu's direction. He readied himself for two outcomes. One, the attack would be too fast to block and Eli would take a hit, however, in the process he would send a retaliated simultaneous kick with his right foot. Or, he'd be able to dodge and slide out of danger safely for another second or two.
What the above paragraph does is set you up for deciding would you think your character would actually do. As you read over Eli's traits and compare them to your own characters it's up to you now to assess how the situation would occur. If you decide Zetsu would make the blow make sure you explain how the kick came at him after and how Zetsu would deal with that. Etc.
As for my post above I went through like this. You posted the turn with a swing upward at Eli with both blades. I had him twist and lean back to avoid the attack but at an expense that normally would have put him in a weakened position, however, your pillar came at him next allowing him to thrust off the ground with his feet to evade at another expense of giving Zetsu time to charge. In order to deal with the charge you described at the end of your post I decided to send an ice shard at you while flipping to try and help buy Eli time to land safely. Here is where it may get tricky for you. You have to decide if Zetsu would be able to handle the ice blade and still rush Eli fast enough enabling him to catch Eli in a weak position or if Zetsu would not quite make it. The results are typically, Rush through the blade and make contact with Eli or Rush through the blade at some point allowing Eli to gain ground to deadlock with you. Of course, you can always intervene and change the path of the battle completely, say, instead of all this occurring just say
"As the ice shard came at Zetsu he understood that he could fight through it, block it, evade it, and attempt to catch Eli in a weakened position, however, instead he decided to strafe right and use another attack instead."
Just remember if you intervene and change the flow of the battle completely it's like starting a new fight all over in a sense. You would have to leave me options open as well to work with.
A main point is to take into consideration all possibilities. In my opinion, in a battle such as this the victor should be the person who RP's with consistency, fairness, and logic of what a real battle would be like at a better level. Remember, only one person can one, or neither can win. I generally have my characters lose because other players are greedy and refuse to let actuality play a role in their combat making it 'They win or everything is unfair to them blah blah blah'. Also, remember that when engaging another player, or leaving yourself open to be engaged while RP'ing in the actual forum it should be taken serious like reality in your writing. If you decide to go explore TWTNW and Marluxia shows up with intent to kill you... it's your fault for strolling there and letting yourself open like that. Odds are... your gonna die. Lol. xD I've had three characters here die before I left. Shore was killed by my character Mars to gain control of his keyblade as they were twins. Mars became a trainee of Marluxia was but was killed by a Heartless ( can't remember who ) and Sephiroth killed Isaac because I was foolish enough to challenge him :/ I played all parts fair and without my own characters boundaries as I trust everyone to
Anyways, that's my long speech on combat training. Let's see where this takes us Oh, and I might throw in a twist in our fight somewhere so if you catch it point it out for brownie points and I'll correct it. It will most likely show up as an action that is out of place or isn't fair. However, I might not. Good luck and have fun ))
(( Oh, btw, you don't always have to list a series of possibilities during combat at the end of your post, etc. Sometimes it could be as simple as "He sent a ball of flame at his enemy as he prepared his next tactic." This basically sets the next character up to handle the ball on their own terms and then attack on their own terms. ))